Friday, April 24, 2015

Just Katie Thoughts: 4/17--4/24/2015

Just some Katie adventures from the past week!

1. Perhaps the biggest news I have to share...last Friday (4/17), I found out that Gretchen, Libby, and I get to run the Chicago Marathon this coming October! I know that I swore that Tulsa would be my last full marathon, but I've always said that the only reasons I would run a fourth marathon would be (1) if Gretchen decided to run a full marathon and asked me to run with her, or (2) if it was the Chicago Marathon, as this is my dream race. And both of these reasons are happening! We all decided to run for charities, so Gretchen is running to race money for Ronald McDonald House Charities, and Libby and I are running in support of United Parent Support for Down Syndrome! We are all slightly dying of excitement. What's better than getting to run my dream race with 2 of my dearest friends? I am seeking to raise $1000 in order to run, and if you would like to donate or learn more, I have included a link!

Click here to help me run Chicago!



2. Also on Friday, we received our engagement and wedding pictures in the mail! It was super fun to look through them all and then upload them in order to share them with our friends and family. Thank goodness for social media to connect between far-apart places!

This is Michael. I like him.

3. This week I have discovered the downside to moving to a farm-centric county: allergies from hell. I've spent the last 4 days feeling rather icky and fluctuating between extreme sinus pressure and chest congestion. I am never again going to undermine those who claim that allergies are terrible and am ready to figure out what I can do to kick this crud.

4. Last weekend I made a boutonniere/corsage set for prom! The colors requested are black and gold and the paper used was Harry Potter pages and old band music (their request, not my idea although I love it!). After the wedding I thought I would never make another flower, but now I actually kinda enjoy making flowers for special occasions. Career option #673? Most definitely.


5. And last but not least, this week I have decided to be gracious towards myself, which you can read about in my blog post Grace Notes and it is making my life a lot more joyful and a lot less works-based! 

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Grace Notes

I have an actual, genuine fear of falling into laziness. Maybe that's why I am always running just one more race or finishing just one more craft project or reading just one more positively-terrible-but-critically-acclaimed novel. I know how very capable I am of giving up or quitting or binge-watching Netflix rather than doing something useful with my life. And so I go and go and go and have a difficult time resting or being still. I enjoy being busy and productive. I thrive on the pressure to be successful and to learn and grow and be more than I already am. I have a deep, physical and spiritual hunger to live life loud and cannot bear the thought of settling into a boring existence.

This tendency (or personality flaw, if you see it that way) is three-fourths good and one-fourth deleterious. Especially lately when I read all the music therapy blog posts and tweets that I got connected with when I was in undergrad. I recognize that all the successful music therapy giants in the field are trying to be motivational when they say things along the lines of "you just have to work hard!" and "anybody can start a music therapy business!", but for an overdo-er like me, it makes me feel as though I have fallen into laziness and failure since I am a year into being board-certified and yet am working at a school as a paraeducator rather than as a music therapist. If I wanted to be a successful music therapist like the rest, it seemed as though I should buckle down, go forth, and conquer all the clients and solve world peace through drum circles and relaxation techniques. Instead, I took a job as a para and spent my first two weeks at this job feeling all grumbly inside, mourning that I wasn't getting to work with music therapy and fearful that my life had become directionless and overwhelming. I hadn't even allowed myself the chance to try a new career path in special ed before dreaming and scheming for where I should go next in order to follow the ultimate music therapy career path.

But the truth of the matter is....my life path of moving to a rural Kansas county just does not match up with the "typical" music therapy career. Heck, my life path doesn't even resemble anything of which I ever dreamed.

And this week, I decided that this is ok. I have decided to give myself some grace.

The fact is, I am 24 years young. Yeah, I'm not where I want to end up. I may not plan on being a para forever, but for this season in life, I need to allow myself time to be still and to grow. Before focusing on my career dreams, I need to discover who I am in the present time. I need to learn how to be a supportive wife and how I fit into the community as a new Kansas citizen. I need to find a faith community where I will be deeply connected with other believers and can be supported in my relationship with Christ. I need to learn what my ministry is and how I can fulfill my spiritual gift of loving others deeply and completely here in Emporia. I need to connect with others in friendship and sharing life. In regards to career dreams, I need to figure out where my passions lie and where I should focus my music therapy efforts before jumping the gun and accepting a job to which I will only give half of my heart (and for a girl who's really just in love with the human race, choosing a population to serve is tricky enough without also having to figure out all these other life things!).

In short, I have a lot of things I still need to figure out right now.

And someday, I will be able to focus on once again being a "real" music therapist. But for now, I realize that I have to be still for awhile, I have to learn to be more human before I can learn how to fully be a professional MT-BC (Even as I write this, I feel fear that other professionals in my field will judge me, saying that I am a quitter or that I am not living up to my potential. But there I go, allowing myself to feel pressured to be and do more. It's a vicious cycle).

As I have been processing all of these epiphanies this week, I have been thinking about grace notes in music. For you non-music folk, grace notes are essentially little tiny notes that ornament the actual notes in the musical piece. They aren't always essential to the chord, but they help to emphasize or bring interesting aspects to the notes that are already written on the page. I feel as though my decisions to take the time to learn to be still and to allow myself grace are kind of like grace notes in music. The days of my life right now may sometimes seen non-essential and like mistakes, but in reality, in view of the bigger picture, they are working to ornament my story with beauty, shaping me into who I will become down the road and helping me to uncover the confidence and passion that already reside in my heart.

So I trust that someday all the "notes" of my life will come together to create a beautiful song. And I am choosing to give myself a little grace.


*Grace notes are the tiny notes with dashes through them pictured here




Thursday, April 16, 2015

Just Katie Thoughts

My friend, Jen, has started doing a Five Thoughts Friday thing where she posts five short things about the week. I like the idea so I'm going to try to do something similar to keep up with blogging!


1.  This past week, Michael and I hit our one month anniversary of being married! Marriage is awesome and getting to hang out with my favorite person on the daily is pretty fantastic. Also I am relieved to be finally finished with thank you notes and random post-wedding details.



                                    (This picture is old but it displays our personalities perfectly)

2. This is my 4th week working as a para at Logan Avenue! I'm starting to feel welcomed and starting to understand what I'm supposed to be doing. Parts of me really wish I was doing music therapy, but I'm realizing that with all the changes I've had in this past year and even this past month, I need to stay where I am working and learn to be still and content. For now, that means not actively seeking music therapy opportunities for the current time in order to maintain sanity and contentment. It's crazy, but it's part of this stepping out and living by faith thing. I don't understand, but I don't always have to understand. All that to say, I am really enjoying working with the kids in Connections (a behavioral-based classroom) and in Resources (more of a special ed setting where I'm working 1:1 with a kindergartener).

3. This week also brings me to my 5th runniversary! I ran my first half marathon on April 17, 2010, and never stopped running afterwards. It's crazy to think how I ran that race mainly because I was lonely from knowing no one in Kansas. 5 years later I am thriving in Kansas and am so much stronger at running. I am so grateful that Jesus gave me heart and legs and lungs to run, and that He has led me to a place where I can literally run in green pastures. I am also grateful to have been running this past year for Bailee, a little girl in the Houston area with Down syndrome. She is cute as a bug (see picture below) and I have been so blessed by the chance to run for her and her sweet family. My eighth half marathon is coming up in May, and there are possible plans for a 4th marathon in the works. Gotta keep running for my buddy!
 

                                              (I love me some Kansas running views)



                                                    (This is Bailee. I run for her.)

4. Last weekend, Michael and I went to Oklahoma to visit my parents and to pick up my spring/summer clothes from their garage. It was refreshing as always to be in Oklahoma. It was even more refreshing to take a walk around the Purcell Puddle (or Lake, if you will) with my best friend/twin/female soul mate, Veronica (aka Alyssa for you unimaginative folk).Even as all of life is in the midst of change, I still have my number one friend walking with me literally and figuratively through life. It was also obviously great to hang out and adventure with my parents and snuggle with my kitty, George!

                                                  (George is the coolest of all cats)

5. When I was working hospice/mental health/nannying, I would drive 100+ miles per day. Now that I live in Emporia, I drive no more than 5 miles per day. I bought gas for the first time in 4 weeks this past Wednesday. It's weird to not be driving as much but is also such a relief to actually get home at a reasonable hour. It's also nice to be spending $20 on a month of gas rather than $185+.

That's all for this week! We will see how long I keep this up!