San Diego Express 2012

Hey, everyone.

Once upon a time, I was really good at keeping blogs. For the past year or so, I have turned to journaling as my main outlet of expression, so a lot of times this blog gets put by the wayside. For those of you who follow me, thank you for caring and reading, even when I don't update as much as the average blog-writer.

Today, though, I am writing on here as a way of sharing some really important things that have happened in my life these past two weeks. I just returned from a 2-week stint in San Diego with Campus Crusade for Christ on a project entitled "San Diego Express". Finding this project was a bit of a journey. Long story short, I had a month of free time this summer, and I asked God to let me give that time back to Him. This project's goals were to work in the Mission Bay area of San Diego, sharing our faith and growing with other believers. Even though I attend Navigators at KU, I was accepted on this CRU trip and found myself on a plane really early in the morning on June 14 heading for California to meet up with a group of about 30 students that I had never met before.

When I first arrived in San Diego, I had a mild moment of heart failure. The airport was so big, and I had never flown alone. I had received a text from one of the staff regarding getting picked up, but that was also a daunting thought, of finding a stranger in the chaos and then riding along with them for the fifteen minute drive to our hotel. After a few moments of pep-talk, I found my ride, accompanied by a fellow music student who had flown in from Slippery Rock, PA (yes, that is a real place, apparently!). We got to chat on the ride to the Bahia, and my fears were erased.  We checked in and found several other students waiting for our project to begin. One of the girls was from Oklahoma, and actually knew my friend, Tyler; I hoped we would be roommates so I would have at least something to talk about with someone else. The rooms were assigned, and I was not with this girl, but rather with 5 other girls that I had not previously met from so many different places.

God was working that out, too, purposefully placing me with those who would help me most to grow, and over the course of two-weeks, each of those 5 girls truly became soul-sisters, changing my life forever and letting my heart expand to include more friends in my "people place". I could go off on a tangent listing all of our inside jokes and what each and every one of these ladies means to me, but that's not the point of this blog. The point that they have in the story is just adding to how amazing God was to put us in a room together, and to allow us to grow together. Even though we only spent 2 weeks together, I feel as though I know and love my project roommate soul-sisters just as much as I know and love my heart-sisters, whom I have known for the better part of my life. There were several times when the 6 of us did not really get to interact with the rest of the students as much, but even in those times staying alone together, we bonded and got to glorify God through our budding friendships. Allison, Brittnie, Chelsea, Danielle, Maggie....seriously, my heart aches a little writing this, already missing our awesome room, yet I am excited to see our friendships continue.

Anyways, continuing with the story of project...

The first evening of project brought our first experience of learning about the Spirit, demonstrated by all project attendees learning to line-dance. I don't really know what's crazier, the fact that a huge group of people was learning how to dance to country music behind a hotel, or the fact that a girl from Oklahoma-Kansas had to go to San Diego to acquire such a skill. Either way, we learned and had a really fun time doing it! The Spirit-filled life is more like line-dancing than just getting instructions on what line-dancing is: I can tell you how to dance, but until you actually experience it and try it, the words will mean nothing. That experience was the first of many geared towards thinking about and experiencing the Spirit-filled life; every morning we would have worship followed by lessons on the Spirit; in the evenings we would have more experiential learning opportunities paired with guest speakers or small group processing time. It still boggles my mind how much I learned in just two weeks. I grew up in church, and have always heard about the Spirit as a member of the Trinity, but I had never really realized just how important His role is in our lives as believers. Before Jesus died on the cross, He told the disciples that His departure was for their benefit. After all, when He left, He would send a Comforter to them. That Comforter is the Holy Spirit, and He is essentially God, living in us, to work through us for His glory and to guide our steps to align with His. What an amazing thought!

As we learned about the Spirit and how to share our faith with others, we would pair up and go out to meet people and, well, share! The first day going out, I had NO idea what I was doing. I had tried to share my faith before, but it was largely unsuccessful. I paired up with Matt, and off we went! To my surprise, we didn't get any flat out rejections to talk with people on the beach. Our first discussion was with a husband and wife, and we talked to them about spiritual things for an hour and a half. It was a really amazing experience, and I could feel the Spirit working through Matt and I: whenever I would be at a loss for words, Matt would speak up, and later I learned that he felt the same way with me. Even if nothing came from it, we got to meet two new people and spark up some really interesting thoughts. After we left them, we decided to go up and down the beach to find someone else to talk with. We walked everywhere and found nobody, so we stopped and prayed for guidance, specifically, that the Spirit would lead us to the person we were supposed to talk to, and that we would know because both of us would be convicted. Said amen, turned around, and there was a guy in a beach chair we must have walked right past but never seen. Talked to him for a little bit, he was...eccentric, to say the least. But I think it was an experience that God used to show us both how the Spirit could and would work in our lives if we let Him lead.

After that first day, sharing became easier, and almost essential to my life. There was one day in which my new partner and I didn't get to talk to anybody except one fellow Christian. At the end of that day, I was so frustrated and upset that I hadn't shared the name of my sweet Savior. But then I thought about all the days of my life that have gone by in which I haven't spoken the name of Jesus...and it was a humbling moment. I realized that, with the Spirit in control of my life, I truly wanted to share, more than anything in the world.

Some days, I'm pretty sure that the people God sent us to were more for our benefit that theirs. One such day came when we were sharing at San Diego State University. I was with my dear friend Maggie, and we decided to follow the sound of drums coming from a building, which happened to be the music building, which seemed to make perfect sense since I am a music student. We circled multiple times before finally deciding to stop and talk to a guy and girl sitting on a bench...who told us we were the third group to come by and try to share Jesus with them that day. To our joy, they were both believers, and we enjoyed conversation with each other. The guy was a Messianic Jew, and hearing his perspective and love for God really opened both Maggie's and mine eyes. What I'm about to say is completely wrong; I realize that now and am grateful that God has been opening my eyes to bigger pictures. But a lot of the times, when we imagine heaven, we see it as including a lot of people very much like us, with similar backgrounds and customs. Not only is this ignorant, it's unbiblical as well. God loves the nations, and when we get to heaven, it will be full of people of all nations and tongues, worshiping together before the throne of God. How refreshing for us to stumble upon two fellow Christians with different perspectives and backgrounds, but still in love with and in relationship with God!

This was just one of many experiences in which God expanded my view of His heart for people. One afternoon, I was with my friend, Amy, walking through the park looking for people to talk with. As we were walking, Amy spotted a homeless man standing in the field. We headed over to talk with him, and he shared that he was 24 days sober, and that yesterday had been his birthday and the first time in 30 years where he had been sober on his birthday. As we were talking, I couldn't help but wonder why we were there. Then Amy asked if there was anything we could pray with him about, and his face lit up in a smile. He basically told us that he has been having terrible withdrawal symptoms, but the only time that they go away is when he is talking with God. He professed a faith in God, and we prayed with this brother in Christ that his shakes would go away, and that he would have the strength to stay sober. We gave him a hug, wished him a good day. Did I really think I would ever be standing in a park hugging a homeless man? No. But the fact is, as a fellow follower of Jesus, He is my brother. God has placed no limits on people based on socioeconomic status, and neither should I. Another really neat reminder of God's heart for the nations came on our last Sunday, worshiping at Harbor Church Mid-City. This body of worshipers meets at a local high school, located between the rich and the poor neighborhoods of this area of San Diego. Not sure of the exact details, but basically, this church is located right in the middle of a huge mix of different cultures and socioeconomic statuses amongst it's members. We spent all day Saturday doing community service around the building, and then returned on Sunday for worship. I have never been to a multicultural church, but it was probably one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. There we were, so many believers gathered together, singing "You're Beautiful" to God in different languages. It took my breath away, and made me homesick for heaven, and the chance to someday sing of God's glory with people of every nation and language and color and background. If I didn't have a worldview before this trip, I definitely did now.

Just one more sharing story that really influenced my time in San Diego...One day, our mission was to get on the trains in groups, take the rail all the way down to the border of Mexico, then return, with the purpose being to talk with people we met on the train. For the first few stops, my group had little luck in finding people to talk to. Then, a girl who looked like Rebecca St. James boarded the train carrying a gigantic surfboard in a bag on her back. She told us that her name was Camilla, her religion was surfing, and that her goal was to go as far south as she possibly could until she found a beach with waves to ride. She was spirited, optimistic...and completely alone. I talked to her for awhile, and she said that our group was the first encounter she had on her journey with kind people. I tried to go deeper in spiritual conversations, but she was very focused on her journey, looking ahead while still politely talking with me. As we parted, I gave her one of our "Knowing God Personally" booklets with my email on it, and watched as she headed to the border check to enter Mexico. I know it sounds crazy, and I don't really understand it myself, but meeting Camilla for that brief encounter absolutely broke my heart. I thought about how alone she was, how much hurt she must have encountered in her life to get her to this point, and the fact that, even as she walked away, she did not know of the love of Jesus and how much He desires her heart. That was almost two weeks ago, and I still find myself at times feeling burdened for my surfer friend, and have to lift her up before God. I don't know where her life will take her, or if we will ever meet again, but I rest in knowing that the same God with me now also sees and loves her. After that experience, and the expansion of my knowledge of God's heart for the nations, I realized that I had no excuse not to follow what God is calling me to do.

I've mentioned it before, and if you have been in my life the past 6 months, you have probably heard me blabbering about my future plans. The fact is, about a year ago, God began changing my stubborn, stony heart, and making me realize that the story He is writing for me is so much better than anything I could ever write on my own. And, to make a long story short, I realized that, while I love my major of music therapy and hope to someday work in a children's hospital, those plans are not exactly what God wants for me right now. I believe that, instead, God is calling me to some kind of ministry. When I first started asking God to replace my dreams with His dreams for me, this was the result. I was wrestling with my future, and couldn't deny that the life I had imagined for myself just was not in align with these bigger dreams from God, but I still could not totally surrender to this calling. I would say things like, "I mean, I'd like to do ministry, but I will probably just end up in OKC doing therapy" or "Maybe I can just do something at the church I end up attending instead". While on project, I wrestled with so many different things: Feelings of awkwardness and self-consciousness, realizations of inadequacy, fears about telling my family of my plans, uncertainty about which paths to take. Through it all, God whispered to my heart, reminding me that my adequacy came from Him alone, that He called me beautiful and called me to follow, that fear was just an excuse to not obey, and that, no matter what may befall, He would never leave or forsake me. With all these lessons, and the loving support of my project family, I can now say that I have surrendered to a year of ministry after college, and am beyond excited to see where God will take me and use me for His glory. That may be anything from working in a campus ministry in America, or taking an I-Edge or STINT year to France. I don't have all the answers yet, but I trust that as I continue walking in the Spirit, He will lead me where I need to be. God told me to follow, and so I will. In the meantime, I plan on sharing my faith with any that I may encounter, and trusting the Spirit to guide and control my life. As I have often said before, I am beyond excited about this "bend in the road", and seeing where my life will end up as I continue the journey.

Well, I'm not really sure how to end this novel, so I will just express my gratitude for each and every one of you for caring enough to take a peek into my life. I will try to be better about writing more often for updates. I covet your prayers in this next season of my life, and I would love to join you in prayer if there is anything I can help with. Have a blessed and beautiful day :)


Katie