I'm the hero of this story?

Dependence versus Independence

This past weekend, I went back to Kansas. I don't think I can really accurately describe how needed that trip was, and how good it was for my heart. I stopped to see Michael and his family first, and I had to keep making sure he was real and I was actually there in their house. I spent time with Bethany and we shared so many soul-talks. Today I visited with both Gretchen and Kristy, both of whom are so good for my heart. With all of the people whom I visited, I kept mentally repeating Keats: "I almost wish we were butterflies that lived but three summer days. Three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain." It was a butterfly weekend, and I was sad to leave, even as I felt excited to return to the internship aspect of Iowa. But the love that was showered on me made me feel empowered and able to conquer the world.

But then I got back and my bathroom ceiling was leaking and the floor was flooded. 

I didn't freak out or feel that I couldn't handle the situation, but I still called my parents immediately while texting Michael and emailing my landlord. Then I started feeling mope-y about my circumstances and not feeling like I could do much. I want my song to be "I'm the hero of this story, don't me to be saved", but I feel like I'm more often singing "I hope he will be someone to watch over me". 

Life is full of paradoxes lately. I hate being in Iowa but I love being at UIHC. I call Oklahoma home but I'm homesick for Kansas. I want to be independent and strong but I feel like I'm weak and oh so needy. I trust that this is all a lesson in growing in grace, and I will trust even when I feel like I cannot see, or when I feel like I am doing a terrible job at being an adult and being ok with when and where I am. Over time I will learn, and beauty will come from the growing pains.