This morning started as usual. Music class was listening to songs of sagas, including a weird song by the founder of Jimmy Dean sausages called "Big Bad John". Then someone came in and told us we had to end class immediately, because the government was doing a surprise inspection of the school, and the entire camp that we were a part of was not registered and should not have been there. So around 11 am, we were running around erasing evidence that we existed and packing up to go outside. We took all the students and volunteers to a nearby park, where we then played baseball and ultimate frisbee for almost 4 hours while the inspectors came. To make matters even more bizarre, while we were hiding at the park, a tv station came and shot footage of us playing and doing random things, like singing the national anthems of both countries or teaching a fake class, in order to put a story of us on the local news for 30,000 people to see. So while we hid from the Russian government, our activity involved telling all about our camp to the public media.
Then this evening, I was longing for guitar time, so I asked to borrow Ben's guitar. I was walking down the hall of our dorm with it in its case, when two Russian men came and took it from me and started playing really loudly it in the hallway. They were talking a lot in Russia, I was talking a lot in English, and nothing was being accomplished. It was really frustrating. But thankfully the guitar returned safely and I hid out to play. One of the guys came by later to try to take it again, but I would not surrender my grip on the instrument!
I've really been struggling with the comparison game while on this trip. I feel like all the things that normally make me unique--such as singing, guitar, running, painting, etc.--are all skills already held and maintained by other people on this trip. I've been feeling inadequate and unable to be me for fear of stealing the spotlight when others are so much more talented than I will ever be. But then I realize that all these feelings are from Satan, trying to rob my joy and make me less effective. I had a personal guitar worship time (away from the Russian men) and just realized....when I take the focus way from God and place the praise on myself, there is no joy or meaning to what I do. The gifts I have been given should not be about me, should nev be about me. All I do should point to God and His glory, not to what I can do to get affirmation. So with these thoughts in mind, I've been trying this past week to not focus on the things I love to do or talk about. It's REALLY hard, but its possible when I ask God to keep me from jealousy or loneliness.
So yeah. That's the main life lesson right now. And on a lighthearted note of one last bizarre thing.....I'm starting to crave the simple porridge plus bread and cheese breakfasts to the point that I want them in every meal. When in Russia, I guess! Thanks for the continued prayers and encouragement. I wake up grateful to be here and fall asleep thanking God for all that He is doing in and through my life :)
Then this evening, I was longing for guitar time, so I asked to borrow Ben's guitar. I was walking down the hall of our dorm with it in its case, when two Russian men came and took it from me and started playing really loudly it in the hallway. They were talking a lot in Russia, I was talking a lot in English, and nothing was being accomplished. It was really frustrating. But thankfully the guitar returned safely and I hid out to play. One of the guys came by later to try to take it again, but I would not surrender my grip on the instrument!
I've really been struggling with the comparison game while on this trip. I feel like all the things that normally make me unique--such as singing, guitar, running, painting, etc.--are all skills already held and maintained by other people on this trip. I've been feeling inadequate and unable to be me for fear of stealing the spotlight when others are so much more talented than I will ever be. But then I realize that all these feelings are from Satan, trying to rob my joy and make me less effective. I had a personal guitar worship time (away from the Russian men) and just realized....when I take the focus way from God and place the praise on myself, there is no joy or meaning to what I do. The gifts I have been given should not be about me, should nev be about me. All I do should point to God and His glory, not to what I can do to get affirmation. So with these thoughts in mind, I've been trying this past week to not focus on the things I love to do or talk about. It's REALLY hard, but its possible when I ask God to keep me from jealousy or loneliness.
So yeah. That's the main life lesson right now. And on a lighthearted note of one last bizarre thing.....I'm starting to crave the simple porridge plus bread and cheese breakfasts to the point that I want them in every meal. When in Russia, I guess! Thanks for the continued prayers and encouragement. I wake up grateful to be here and fall asleep thanking God for all that He is doing in and through my life :)
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