I know it's a bit of an anomaly, but as a kid, I never really liked summer. Don't get me wrong, it was nice to escape the confines of a classroom for a couple of months. But summer also meant a lot of time completely alone. Let me make this disclaimer: I don't do "alone" very well at all. Alone means boredom (if not occupied). Boredom means too many thoughts in my head. Too many thoughts in my head means sadness and frustration. Alone=not good.
Having finished my first year of college, I decided to stay in Lawrence this summer for various reasons. One such reason was the belief that, staying here, I would not spend a summer alone and would enjoy the season a little more. Within two weeks of summer break, I realized this belief was completely untrue; I was spending more time alone than I ever had before. In my desperation at being by myself, I started going out to Clinton Lake to play guitar in the afternoons. On one of my guitar afternoons, I chose to read my Bible and pray instead of playing guitar. That's when I learned my first lesson of the summer: "Alone time" is a perfect opportunity to be changed into "quiet time with God".
For the past month and a half, I have been desperately seeking more of God and actually embracing my alone-ness. And since He promised "You shall find me when you seek me with all your heart"...I have been daily learning lessons through prayers, quotes, Bible-reading, worship songs, and simple peace that comes to my heart. While I am not sure I can accurately convey all of the lessons He is teaching me, I will try to put some of them here as a memorial, as a testimony, and as a witness to how great our God is.
"Help me maintain an opened mind and heart as I continue to chase after Your heart. Fill me with unquenchable desire to know You more each day. And help me to grow in grace each and every day of this life that is moving at such a rapid pace."~May 15, 2010
"Summer always points to You, and I have never before been so aware of my own depravity. You alone can heal."~May 22, 2010
"I don't understand Your ways, and I hope I never fully do. The Mystery is part of who You are, and I love nights like these where clarity hits, and unquestionable truths begin to line up such as the yearning of my own heart and the great pull from Your heart."~ May 23, 2010
"I'm beginning to realize that in my loneliness, You are there to draw me even closer to Your heart....mold me into the woman You've planned for me to be."~May 26, 2010
"Just because you don't see the ending I have planned doesn't make it any less beautiful."
"I believe You made us require sleep so that times of despair can return to hope after a time of still refreshment!"~June 10, 2010
"I want to leave a legacy that's worth remembering. I can't help but feel like I'm on the brink of something so much greater than myself. Please continue to make my desire to servec about You, and not about my own gain."~June 10, 2010
"You continue to cover me in mercy even in the times where my depravity is most revealed."
"Just growing in grace and learning to lean on the grace of my Savior, who washed my sins clean when He died on the cross to take on my shame. I'm loving Him more as I trust in His name."
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."~2 Timothy 1:7
"All I can ask for now is for Your forgiveness for my failings today, for the fruits of Your Spirit to fill and reshape my depraved life, and for Your grace to cover my future failings."~June 13, 2010
"You are my Portion, my never-ending, overflowing Lord, my Reward"~Shane & Shane
"Praise God that He is big enough to handle all the thoughts in my head...and SO much more!"
"Remind me how much You love me, even at my worst."~June 16, 2010
"I trust in You to provide for everything that I need and calm my heart towards the things that I want but cannot have. You know my heart better than I do, and You know what is best for me even when I can't see around the bend in the road."~June 18, 2010
"Your love is extravagant, Your friendship is intimate. I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace; Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place...You capture my heart again."~Casting Crowns
"There's so much more to life than what I can see from my little peephole."
"God doesn't want you to have a mediocre life. That's why he makes people like us wait for our futures sometimes."
"Life is either a daring adventure...or nothing."
"Help me to trust when I doubt and rejoice when I'm feeling compacent."~June 28, 2010
"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."~John 15:2
"You ARE love. As your daughter, I must be love as well."
"Prevent me from offering empty hallelujahs to You, my King."~June 29, 2010
"You created me to be involved in the greatest adventure of all--a life in step with my Savior."~June 29, 2010
"The Great High Priest whose name is Love, who ever lives and pardons me."~Shane & Shane
"Everyday you're wearing yourself down/Thinking it's up to you to keep the world spinning round/But child don't fret, and child don't fear/Just give Me your burdens and lend me your ear/How can you ever forget what you mean to Me?/ How I died in your place up on dark Calvary?/How can you ever forget that I rose again?/I'm alive and I'm here so that you may draw near, our hearts tight like lock and key/Cause that's what you mean to Me."
"We take Your blessings...should we not take the sorrows, too?"~Shane & Shane
"Help me to accept the adventurous path You've prepared for me without looking back with longing for the mediocre life I would choose on my own accord."
"Remind me in the waiting that You are working all things out for the good of those who are called by You and are in love with You!"
"I am in love with a God who lavishes me in grace and love, even after a less-than-graceful day when I'm not at my loveliest."
"Tired of settling for a life of so much less than Christ died for me to receive!"
"Define my dreams, direct my paths."
"When I stand before the throne of God, I hope I don't have a drop of talent remaining so that I may say 'I gave everything I had for Your glory.'"
"Maybe sometimes we just gotta let go, let life happen, laugh, dance, and have an absolute faith in brighter days ahead."
"You know the number of my days, so come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head."~Chris Rice
"Finding who I am in all You are."~Shane & Shane
"Last night, I was thinking about how summer always brings up my loneliness, which brings out the worst parts of me. I guess it makes sense that this is Your doing: letting all my impurities come to light so that You can chip them away and refine me as silver. It's not pleasant, Father, but the lessons You whisper to my heart make the pain worth it."~July 1, 2010
"You see my frustrations and still have so many things to teach me."~July 2, 2010
"God promises rest in heaven with Him for those who do his work. At the end of our lives, we will be judged according to the standards set in the Bible. Though we deserve death and eternal separation, God in His infinite love and mercy, provided a Great High Priest for us through His Son, who intercedes on our behalf in His compassion and mercy!"~Hebrews 4 lessons.
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."~Hebrews 4:16
"We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that, too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the Divine love may rest 'well-pleased'"~C.S. Lewis
Many lessons to come, I am sure. May you continue growing in grace!
Katie
No comments:
Post a Comment