Tonight at Navs, I heard a story. It was a romantic story, so girls, hold on tight, and guys, take notes.
Rich and Christy met when they were 13. Rich thought Christy was beautiful, Christy thought Rich was annoying, but thankfully Rich grew up, and the two became best friends. In their senior year of high school, their friendship turned romantic. They started dating, and soon discussed getting married. The only problem was that, at the end of their senior year, they were both going to college...in two different areas of the country. Both of them agreed that they couldn't pursue a relationship without the approval of their parents, and Christy's Dad explained to them why he believed they were too young to be speaking about marriage. The couple decided to break up but "remain friends". For the first year of college, they kept talking to each other and "secretly dating" as they would hand-write letters to each other almost daily. After awhile, they realized that, although their feelings hadn't changed, they were not honoring the wishes of Christy's father. So Rich asked Christy for every letter he had ever written her and they completely broke off contact. Rich took all of the love letters they had shared, placed them in a box, and buried them in Christy's parents' front yard, all the while feeling as though he was burying any hope of ever being with the girl he loved. For two full years, Rich and Christy were out of contact--no talking, letters, visits, anything. But during their junior year of college, Christy went back home, and was talking with her parents, telling them that, even though all the time had passed, she still had feelings for her old best friend. Her parents prayed about it, and realized that the timing was right, and that the couple could and should be together. Christy's dad called Rich and told him that, if he so desired, he had their blessing to pursue Christy's heart once again. They started dating again, and for Christmas during their senior year of college, Rich celebrated the holidays with Christy and her family. For her Christmas present, he gave her a small maple tree to plant. She wasn't too excited about the gift, but when everyone convinced her to go plant the tree, she went along with it. Rich picked the place for her to plant the tree, and when she began digging up the earth, she struck the surface of the box containing all of their love letters from years before. When she opened the box, though, a brand new letter was at the top. Because when Rich buried the box, he added one letter to the mix, a letter that told her of his love and asked if she would marry him. He placed it in the box not knowing if she would ever read his proposal, but trusting that, someday, God would bring them together again. So 3 years after burying his proposal in uncertainty, Christy read his words of love, accepted his proposal, and the two married and lived happily ever after.
Being a girl, this story made me feel all mushy and happy inside. If you're a guy, you can never understand this. If you are a girl, you know where I'm coming from. We are hardwired to desire romance, to be touched by sweet things, to believe and hope and dream. When I made my bucket list, getting married was placed as my number one dream. It still is top of the list. But lately, I've been thinking...what if that isn't God's plan for my life? What if my number one dream isn't God's dream for me?
Before people start with the typical comments of "Oh, of COURSE you will get married! You love kids! You're pretty! You're fun!" etc etc etc...this train of thought doesn't just apply to the dream of marriage. I feel like a lot of times, we plan our lives from the beginning, and don't even seek God's desire for our dreams. We are content to stay with our easy path, going straight from school to career to love to retirement to death. Staying inside the box. Living the dream. But are our dreams really enough?
I've been thinking a lot lately about Amy Carmichael. I need a refresher on her story, but basically, she was born into a typical, run-of-the-mill Irish family in a time period where her goals in life probably were to marry, have babies, be a housewife, and dream about having blue eyes. Instead, she followed God' calling and became a missionary to India. She dedicated her life to serving the desolate people in a far away country, and her life left a lasting legacy on thousands of lives. Her life clearly broke the mold and changed the world. And it all started when she traded her typical dreams to follow God's dreams for her heart.
This may be a ramble, am I making sense? I've been realizing how adamently I do not want to fit the mold. I don't want to live the suburban typical average life of safety. I want to trade my dreams for God's dreams. If those dreams intersect, fine: if my dreams intersect His desires, He can use my dreams for His glory as well. But I don't want to fit my life into the pursuit of my dreams, and miss out on the dangerous, yet rewarding dreams that God wants to write into my life story. When I die, I want to stand before the throne and hear Him tell me "Well done, good and faithful servant." I want Him to tell me that I lived it like a song.
So will that song include marriage? Service in a place of safety? Being a mom and music therapist? Doing something completely outside of the box? All of the above? I'm not sure. But I will trust, and I will obey, and I will continue praying that He will fill my heart with His desires until there's nothing left of me. Because at the end of the day, His love song will be sung over me through eternity, and I know that nothing else will really matter.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
One Year of Gratitude: August
August 1:
Love and faith of my parents
Phone call with Savannah
Daydreams about the "bend in the road"
Chris Rice's songs
August 2:
Dinner with the whole family
August 3:
Studying Philippians
The blessing of heart-sisters
Conviction to attempt peace
August 4:
Thoughts over Ecclesiastes
Peace at my attempt of peace
Time with both parents
August 5:
Morning with Mom
Blessings of SummerSing
A long night drive under a blanket of stars
August 6:
The joy and blessing of heart-sisters
Laughing till you feel sick
Beauty of nature
2 hours of quiet time
August 7:
Signing with Donna
Talking with Megan
Hearing Doug and Laverne sing together
Kent's testimony about Tammy's mom
Having the words to share my heart with my spiritual family
The feeling of coming home, and the beauty of storm clouds on the drive
August 8:
Seeing things fall into place with Tyler
Spending the day remembering old times with a dear friend
Walking under a huge pastel sky that feels like a hug from God
Lightning across the northern sky
August 9:
Worship day with some beautiful sisters-in-Christ
Holly's steadfast faithfulness
Kelsey's heart and willingness to serve
Whitney's giving spirit and heart for God
August 10:
Taking the first step in becoming a mentor, and seeing how beautifully God equips His children to follow His convictions
Receiving the pure love of a child
Thoughts on how humans are wired
August 11:
A night with my sisters
Day of RAIN
Feeling the earth turn like autumn and not feeling feverish for once
Chance to have lunch with Meemaw
August 12:
Spending the evening with Mom
Tearless goodbye with Alyssa and Shannon, knowing our friendship is far from over
Witnessing an AMAZING lightning storm and falling asleep to thunder
Peace at having to return to Kansas
August 13:
Blessing of family
Crazy thoughts on the drive
Being at peace with Lawrence but still remembering home
Nicole, and our friendship/roommateness and her caring heart
August 14:
Sharing a day of worship with Nicole :)
Fresh perspectives in a modern worship setting
The feeling of hope and excitement for the "bend in the road"
August 15:
Excitement for the coming year and all it will bring
Beautiful thoughts in Isaiah concerning God's great love
August 16:
The joy of friend reunions
Beautiful autumn-esque days
August 17:
Getting to work with the freshmen
Sweet sleep :)
August 18:
Extreme mellove
Random roomie times covered in love
Purple sky to close the day...hallelujahs
August 19:
Song: "Take Another Step"
Joy at accomplishing goals with friends
Desire to try to learn this semester with all my heart
August 20:
Grocery talk with Dad
Baking brownies +God-talk with Kristin
August 21:
God talks and sunset watching with Kelsie
Vision for the upcoming semester
August 22:
Running as the day ends
Reflections on God's gift of music in nature
God's gift of His word to recall in times of need
August 23:
Lesson with Dr. Paul
"As much as possible, live peaceably with others"
Having Rachel's guidance on practicum
August 24:
"Do not be conformed by this world, but be transformed"
Vision of service with SAI this year
August 25:
Further vision for God's purposes in my life this semester
Worshipping at Navs
Small group of Bandies reunited!
August 26:
Feeling progress on horn
Worship on the drive
The love felt when reuniting with camp family
August 27:
Getting to work with Holly
Talks with Jenn and Holly
The heart and passion surrounding camp events
The beauty of harmony
August 28:
Peace and love and needed warmth of a short homecoming
The love given to me by my church family far away
Seeing how God worked in the Bandies this summer
August 29:
God-talks with Bethany
Realizing how God created humans to need each other
Continuing productivity
Gorgeous sunset to close the day
August 30:
Talking with Kristi in between classes
Thoughts on the soul in Abnormal Psych
The beginnings of a love for horn, lessons with Dr. Paul, and the joy of making music
Productivity and the chance to rest
Blessing of college friends to join me on the journey
August 31:
Silly times with my SAI sisters
Singing hymns while making pancakes with Lauren Hammond :)
Finishing another prayer journal, and seeing how far God brought me in eight months
Love and faith of my parents
Phone call with Savannah
Daydreams about the "bend in the road"
Chris Rice's songs
August 2:
Dinner with the whole family
August 3:
Studying Philippians
The blessing of heart-sisters
Conviction to attempt peace
August 4:
Thoughts over Ecclesiastes
Peace at my attempt of peace
Time with both parents
August 5:
Morning with Mom
Blessings of SummerSing
A long night drive under a blanket of stars
August 6:
The joy and blessing of heart-sisters
Laughing till you feel sick
Beauty of nature
2 hours of quiet time
August 7:
Signing with Donna
Talking with Megan
Hearing Doug and Laverne sing together
Kent's testimony about Tammy's mom
Having the words to share my heart with my spiritual family
The feeling of coming home, and the beauty of storm clouds on the drive
August 8:
Seeing things fall into place with Tyler
Spending the day remembering old times with a dear friend
Walking under a huge pastel sky that feels like a hug from God
Lightning across the northern sky
August 9:
Worship day with some beautiful sisters-in-Christ
Holly's steadfast faithfulness
Kelsey's heart and willingness to serve
Whitney's giving spirit and heart for God
August 10:
Taking the first step in becoming a mentor, and seeing how beautifully God equips His children to follow His convictions
Receiving the pure love of a child
Thoughts on how humans are wired
August 11:
A night with my sisters
Day of RAIN
Feeling the earth turn like autumn and not feeling feverish for once
Chance to have lunch with Meemaw
August 12:
Spending the evening with Mom
Tearless goodbye with Alyssa and Shannon, knowing our friendship is far from over
Witnessing an AMAZING lightning storm and falling asleep to thunder
Peace at having to return to Kansas
August 13:
Blessing of family
Crazy thoughts on the drive
Being at peace with Lawrence but still remembering home
Nicole, and our friendship/roommateness and her caring heart
August 14:
Sharing a day of worship with Nicole :)
Fresh perspectives in a modern worship setting
The feeling of hope and excitement for the "bend in the road"
August 15:
Excitement for the coming year and all it will bring
Beautiful thoughts in Isaiah concerning God's great love
August 16:
The joy of friend reunions
Beautiful autumn-esque days
August 17:
Getting to work with the freshmen
Sweet sleep :)
August 18:
Extreme mellove
Random roomie times covered in love
Purple sky to close the day...hallelujahs
August 19:
Song: "Take Another Step"
Joy at accomplishing goals with friends
Desire to try to learn this semester with all my heart
August 20:
Grocery talk with Dad
Baking brownies +God-talk with Kristin
August 21:
God talks and sunset watching with Kelsie
Vision for the upcoming semester
August 22:
Running as the day ends
Reflections on God's gift of music in nature
God's gift of His word to recall in times of need
August 23:
Lesson with Dr. Paul
"As much as possible, live peaceably with others"
Having Rachel's guidance on practicum
August 24:
"Do not be conformed by this world, but be transformed"
Vision of service with SAI this year
August 25:
Further vision for God's purposes in my life this semester
Worshipping at Navs
Small group of Bandies reunited!
August 26:
Feeling progress on horn
Worship on the drive
The love felt when reuniting with camp family
August 27:
Getting to work with Holly
Talks with Jenn and Holly
The heart and passion surrounding camp events
The beauty of harmony
August 28:
Peace and love and needed warmth of a short homecoming
The love given to me by my church family far away
Seeing how God worked in the Bandies this summer
August 29:
God-talks with Bethany
Realizing how God created humans to need each other
Continuing productivity
Gorgeous sunset to close the day
August 30:
Talking with Kristi in between classes
Thoughts on the soul in Abnormal Psych
The beginnings of a love for horn, lessons with Dr. Paul, and the joy of making music
Productivity and the chance to rest
Blessing of college friends to join me on the journey
August 31:
Silly times with my SAI sisters
Singing hymns while making pancakes with Lauren Hammond :)
Finishing another prayer journal, and seeing how far God brought me in eight months
Monday, August 1, 2011
One Year of Gratitude--July
July 1:
Meemaw and Donna are okay!
Making cookies with Dad
Sharing family memories
Singing bluegrass with Dad
Finishing a worship song on mandolin
Purple sky to close the day, whil praising God
Short rain to cool the earth
July 2:
Love of my extended family
Connecting with cousins
Road trip talks and shared love of music with Dad
July 3:
The pride of our veterans at church
Knowing God is protecting my heart
Mrs. Jordan's hugs
July 4:
Silly times with my best friend
Job 19:25-27
July 5:
Days when chords and words jus come to you
Lake runs with Kristin, and our easygoing conversations
July 6:
Blessing of music
Getting lost in God's word
The influence of "spiritual mothers"
Silly times with heart-sisters
July 7:
Singing for Wanda Stockton
July 8:
An afternoon of quiet-time and in-depth study
Worship service in the car
Spending an evening selling art with my parents
Falling asleep with a joyful heart
July 9:
Time to chat with Conklin and Hilger
July 10:
Conviction through the sermon and Bible KeyPoints
Feeding the geese, and God's creativity in nature
July 11:
Heartfely mailfrom loved ones
Beautiful evening run
Fun mini-session at Westbrook
July 12:
RAIN!
Feeling the earth cool
Lunch with Mom
More superhero movie time with Dad
Worshipful lyrics from Third Day
July 13:
The love of my earthly father and having so much in common with him
July 14:
Random music roadtrips wih Dad
Finding beautiful, simplistic music
July 15:
Freedom in Christ's love
Heart-sisters, and the gift of laughter
The feel of napping
July 16:
Emily and Dea's smiles
Getting to invest in their ^ lives
God-chats on Facebook
July 17:
Afternoon of music and worship
The eager anticipation to go to church
Beautiful old hymns
July 18:
God-talks with Kent
Arriving safely at camp
Mike Mobly's sermon on aloneness
July 19:
Thoughts on freedom in the book of Galatians
Gift of music
Chatting with old camp friends
July 20:
Dinner wih 2 precious children, and hearing their chatter
Finding out my practicum site
God-talks after Afterglow
Spending an afternoon meditating on Ephesians
July 21:
Guitar-time
Accepting that I will love again
More God-talk with Kent and Will
People you only see once a year and can still call "friend"
July 22:
Joy of new books
Blessings of a summer at Westbrook
Morning out with Mom
July 23:
Seeing adopted family
Unxpected friendships
July 24:
Being surrounded by love
Seeing imperfect people more perfectly
Realizing the depth of love/friendships from camp
Inspiration from Whitney's spirit to be more joyful
Tree dedications to celebrate life
Surrounded by so many of my favorite people
Stormy weather and cooling breeze
July 25:
Holly's graceful spirit and love for God
Seeing Happy/Jamie in a different light than before
Worshipful trip to town
Kelley's friendship and stories
Counting it all joy
Owning Erika's trust
Michelle's friendship and mothering
July 26:
Holly's faith and beauty that shines
Accepting that being separate is okay
The silly girls of Cabin C
"Sound of Your Voice" by Third Day
Thomas Knowlton's happiness
Talking with the Hellams brothers
Hebrews: 12:1-2
July 27:
Getting to share in Happy and Jamie's engagement
Seeing so much hope in the campers
The genuine goodness and love of so many volunteers
Bonding time in Rainbow
Holly telling me to "get down with my bad self" ;)
The beautiul voices shared at the talent show :)
The joyous feeling of laughter
Contentment
Kelley's heart and beautiful friendship
Earning the love of Jennifer Baker and Erika Ochoa
July 28:
Holly and Jennifer got on horses!
Chatting with Thomas
Michelle, her friendship, and her willingness to just listen when I needed an ear
Kelley's beautiful heart
Speaking in accents with Tyler Clark
Happy and Jamie and the work they put into this camp
Facing my fears by dancing with Jeremy...and using music therapy techniques the whole time ;)
Acceptance of human flaws, and love in spite of flaws
Seeing a big black sky full of stars and letting God fill my lungs again
Imagination, and suddenly seeing people--truly, as fascinating immortals--during the dance
Chance to be more inroverted and more thought-oriented throughout the week
The beautiful, refreshing, and freeing blessing of laughter
Getting to talk with Adrian Cruz, and actually getting him to joke with me
Forgiveness, grace, and calmness of spirit
July 29:
Whitney's tender heart and willingness to spread God's love
Spending the afternoon with Jamie
The beauty of strong bonds within the MDA/MPH family
The hope given to the campers in the promise of camp next year
Finishing a job (and knowing I gave my all)
Gorgeous sunset and flashes of lightning on the drive home
Amazing joy from being a peacemaker and keeping my mouth shut!
July 30:
Stargazing, and the accompanying meditative thoughts on the unexplainable glory of God
Saving up questions for heaven
The comfort of heart-sisters
Getting time with Conklin this morning
Joy in the face of delirious exhaustion
July 31:
The beauty of worship with your church family
Lunch wih Meemaw and Wanda Ward
Joyful, overflowing heart
Cat-naps, and awakening to refreshment
Friday, July 1, 2011
Finding My Heart, or "How I Fell Back in Love with my Church"
Last semester, there was only one thing I knew for certain: I had to get to Oklahoma, and I had to get there as soon as I possibly could. I'm not one to experience homesickness, but the desire I felt in my heart for Purcell, OK, was so strong that even in February I was ready to throw in the towel and run as fast as I could to home and family. Purcell literally became something of dreams; personifying the deep longing in my heart that could never be cured by the scenery of Kansas. There was only one thing about Purcell that I was not anticipating: returning to Sunray Baptist Church, where I had attended since I was 4, and worshipping there 3 times a week for the entire summer. Oh sure, there was a time when I had proudly sponsored the phrase "I LOVE MY CHURCH!" and had looked forward to church time like a kid waiting for Christmas morning. But even then, I only looked forward to church to see all my adopted family members, not so that I could worship my Savior. In fact, most of the time the sermons seemed to go over my head. When I left for college two years ago, I was very open about how ready I was to go to a church that was "more modern, bigger, and less closed-minded".
Immediately after moving to Lawrence, I found a church that fit my new dreams. Everything was fine for the first year and a half of my college career. But this past semester, as I began to feel pangs of homesickness, I began to feel uncomfortable, deep inside, every time I went to church. I know, it sounds stupid. But I would sit in the audience and think of how simple and limited some of the worship songs were in comparison to the beautiful poetry of hymns. I would listen to the sermon and think about the days where I would be sitting in the pink pews of home. I would look at my fellow churchgoers, realize that I knew next to none of them and that they really didn't care to know me, and think about a little tiny church where I was literally surrounded with love and attacked with hugs, even when I wasn't feeling too kindly to the typical insanities associated with my fellow church members. I began feeling as though my worship was superficial, and I was just another person trying to be a typical "American Christian", one who thinks Jesus sounds nice, but doesn't really want to serve Him wholeheartedly ALL the time. (Please, if you are reading this and you are from my church in Lawrence, do not take offense. These are just my observations, and God has some crazy ways of revealing Himself to us when we are being stubborn)
I got through the semester, and as soon as I was able, I packed up all that I needed for 3 months away and sped as fast as I could to my beloved hometown. I have already touched a little on the miracle of home in another blog, and since this is about church, not Purcell, I will skip over the details. The next part of our story begins 3 days after I arrived in Oklahoma, on my first Sunday back at Sunray. I found myself wary of everyone, not really knowing where I fit into this group of people. In addition to this 'outsider-fear', I was dealing with some personal battles and felt a sense of dread thinking about having to be in this church all summer long. I missed the next Sunday due to a concert, but then our story begins again on June 12, the day before VBS. I had been volunteered to help with VBS, being the assistant to Donna Stillwell, who was the teacher for all the groups. Now, Donna has been in my life for about 13 years now, and in all that time, I never really knew what to think. I mean, she's an awesome woman, but I just really didn't know how to take her or how to act around her, for lack of a better explanation. Needless to say, I was wary of VBS and how it would all go. I was wary of being at church. Most of all, I was tired of feeling cold and uncaring, and I just wanted God to swoop down and save the day by melting my stubborn, unfeeling heart.
June 12, night service. Dennis's sermon might have been the best sermon I have heard in my entire life. I wrote 4 pages of notes. It was based on Ephesians 2:-8-10 and was all about being used by God for His purpose and glory. And I don't know how it started, but during the invitation when my Dad went up to begin the song, I just started feeling a pang in my heart, and my eyes began to leak and I just felt as though I could wrap the entire church in a hug. After the service, my Mom noticed my tears and asked me about it. I could barely reply, just saying that I had finally come home. I originally claimed that as the night where I fell back in love with church, but now I see it was more than that. That was the night where God took away my bitterness, apathy, fear, and doubts, and filled me with worship for Him, no matter my circumstances. He gave me freedom from the world and put a new song in my heart. The way this event connected to church? I fear that I was blaming Sunray for all the discontent I would have when having problems worshipping. That night, I felt free, and my worship began to flow naturally and freely from my deepest heart. But even though I was completely free and worshipping with a joyful heart, I was still having a hard time defining what I was feeling in concerns to Sunray.
Enter VBS. Pandamania, where God is WILD about you! I can't even explain if I tried. I truly feel as though I got more out of that week than the kids attending. Everyone was challenged to report "God-sightings", or events/people that made you stop and worship God. At the end of each day, I literally had full pages of God-sightings. Everything around me was a cause for worship, and every experience had me singing in joy. Through the whole week, one of my God-sightings remained consistent, and it was in the form of my VBS leader, Donna. I guess at this point, I should explain Donna a little bit more. When I was 13, our youth minister assigned each member of the youth group to a "prayer partner", AKA an older person in the church who would act as a mentor and would meet weekly with students to pray with them and for them. My two best friends got placed with a nice little elderly couple. I got placed with Donna. It made no sense to me back then--I mean, I was kinda one of the boys. Donna wore hats to church and liked the color pink. I remember during the first few years of our prayer meetings, I would stare off into space and hope that our meeting would hurry up so that I could get out of there. As I got nearer to college, I was less disrespectful, and I actually grew to like Donna!--but that was about it. So the events of VBS blew my mind. With my newly-revived heart, I saw Donna as I never had before. I saw how gracious she was towards all those around her, how hard-working she was even when she was in pain, how kind and non-judgmental she was even when I would mess up our props, how fun-loving she was as we shared stories and jokes, and, most importantly, how deeply and passionately she was in love with Christ and how beautiful her heart truly was. By Wednesday night, I went home and just cried, so grateful that she had loved and prayed over me for 13 years of my life, even though I had only seen how much she meant to me in the course of 3 days. I finally realized why we had been paired up so long ago. I realized that, in Donna, I had a true friend and a wonderful example of how to live a Godly life.
So when I came to VBS on Thursday, I decided to open up and try to explain the things that were on my heart concerning this new found love of Sunray. I told her how, suddenly, the sermons were so perfectly clear, the music so worshippful, the members so genuine in their love for others. It was all beautiful, but I was concerned that I was just getting emotional. She listened to my rambles before telling me her own story of coming to Sunray. Apparently she had visited several times, but found the church to be cold and unwelcoming. After trying every possible church in the area, her husband asked to visit Sunray one more time.
"On that visit...it was just like coming home. Everything had changed, but I think it was more that God had changed me. In His timing, He led me to worship here. And, to put it simply, it was like I found my heart."
And, to put it simply, I can think of no better way to describe my experience other than that "I found my heart". God has blessed me throughout my lifetime by the worshipful, God-fearing atmosphere of Sunray and by the people who worship there, but He had to change my heart so that I could appreciate the blessing and truly see things for what they are. I am grateful. Humbled. Amazed. Surrounded by more love than I could ever contain. Joyous. Giving. And more worshippful than I have been in a long time.
So I don't know where this story took you, or if it even made sense to anyone but me. Just take it as an account from a girl who has found a new way to be human, an old sense of love, a renewed heart of worship, and has found her heart, after losing her way for a long time.
Immediately after moving to Lawrence, I found a church that fit my new dreams. Everything was fine for the first year and a half of my college career. But this past semester, as I began to feel pangs of homesickness, I began to feel uncomfortable, deep inside, every time I went to church. I know, it sounds stupid. But I would sit in the audience and think of how simple and limited some of the worship songs were in comparison to the beautiful poetry of hymns. I would listen to the sermon and think about the days where I would be sitting in the pink pews of home. I would look at my fellow churchgoers, realize that I knew next to none of them and that they really didn't care to know me, and think about a little tiny church where I was literally surrounded with love and attacked with hugs, even when I wasn't feeling too kindly to the typical insanities associated with my fellow church members. I began feeling as though my worship was superficial, and I was just another person trying to be a typical "American Christian", one who thinks Jesus sounds nice, but doesn't really want to serve Him wholeheartedly ALL the time. (Please, if you are reading this and you are from my church in Lawrence, do not take offense. These are just my observations, and God has some crazy ways of revealing Himself to us when we are being stubborn)
I got through the semester, and as soon as I was able, I packed up all that I needed for 3 months away and sped as fast as I could to my beloved hometown. I have already touched a little on the miracle of home in another blog, and since this is about church, not Purcell, I will skip over the details. The next part of our story begins 3 days after I arrived in Oklahoma, on my first Sunday back at Sunray. I found myself wary of everyone, not really knowing where I fit into this group of people. In addition to this 'outsider-fear', I was dealing with some personal battles and felt a sense of dread thinking about having to be in this church all summer long. I missed the next Sunday due to a concert, but then our story begins again on June 12, the day before VBS. I had been volunteered to help with VBS, being the assistant to Donna Stillwell, who was the teacher for all the groups. Now, Donna has been in my life for about 13 years now, and in all that time, I never really knew what to think. I mean, she's an awesome woman, but I just really didn't know how to take her or how to act around her, for lack of a better explanation. Needless to say, I was wary of VBS and how it would all go. I was wary of being at church. Most of all, I was tired of feeling cold and uncaring, and I just wanted God to swoop down and save the day by melting my stubborn, unfeeling heart.
June 12, night service. Dennis's sermon might have been the best sermon I have heard in my entire life. I wrote 4 pages of notes. It was based on Ephesians 2:-8-10 and was all about being used by God for His purpose and glory. And I don't know how it started, but during the invitation when my Dad went up to begin the song, I just started feeling a pang in my heart, and my eyes began to leak and I just felt as though I could wrap the entire church in a hug. After the service, my Mom noticed my tears and asked me about it. I could barely reply, just saying that I had finally come home. I originally claimed that as the night where I fell back in love with church, but now I see it was more than that. That was the night where God took away my bitterness, apathy, fear, and doubts, and filled me with worship for Him, no matter my circumstances. He gave me freedom from the world and put a new song in my heart. The way this event connected to church? I fear that I was blaming Sunray for all the discontent I would have when having problems worshipping. That night, I felt free, and my worship began to flow naturally and freely from my deepest heart. But even though I was completely free and worshipping with a joyful heart, I was still having a hard time defining what I was feeling in concerns to Sunray.
Enter VBS. Pandamania, where God is WILD about you! I can't even explain if I tried. I truly feel as though I got more out of that week than the kids attending. Everyone was challenged to report "God-sightings", or events/people that made you stop and worship God. At the end of each day, I literally had full pages of God-sightings. Everything around me was a cause for worship, and every experience had me singing in joy. Through the whole week, one of my God-sightings remained consistent, and it was in the form of my VBS leader, Donna. I guess at this point, I should explain Donna a little bit more. When I was 13, our youth minister assigned each member of the youth group to a "prayer partner", AKA an older person in the church who would act as a mentor and would meet weekly with students to pray with them and for them. My two best friends got placed with a nice little elderly couple. I got placed with Donna. It made no sense to me back then--I mean, I was kinda one of the boys. Donna wore hats to church and liked the color pink. I remember during the first few years of our prayer meetings, I would stare off into space and hope that our meeting would hurry up so that I could get out of there. As I got nearer to college, I was less disrespectful, and I actually grew to like Donna!--but that was about it. So the events of VBS blew my mind. With my newly-revived heart, I saw Donna as I never had before. I saw how gracious she was towards all those around her, how hard-working she was even when she was in pain, how kind and non-judgmental she was even when I would mess up our props, how fun-loving she was as we shared stories and jokes, and, most importantly, how deeply and passionately she was in love with Christ and how beautiful her heart truly was. By Wednesday night, I went home and just cried, so grateful that she had loved and prayed over me for 13 years of my life, even though I had only seen how much she meant to me in the course of 3 days. I finally realized why we had been paired up so long ago. I realized that, in Donna, I had a true friend and a wonderful example of how to live a Godly life.
So when I came to VBS on Thursday, I decided to open up and try to explain the things that were on my heart concerning this new found love of Sunray. I told her how, suddenly, the sermons were so perfectly clear, the music so worshippful, the members so genuine in their love for others. It was all beautiful, but I was concerned that I was just getting emotional. She listened to my rambles before telling me her own story of coming to Sunray. Apparently she had visited several times, but found the church to be cold and unwelcoming. After trying every possible church in the area, her husband asked to visit Sunray one more time.
"On that visit...it was just like coming home. Everything had changed, but I think it was more that God had changed me. In His timing, He led me to worship here. And, to put it simply, it was like I found my heart."
And, to put it simply, I can think of no better way to describe my experience other than that "I found my heart". God has blessed me throughout my lifetime by the worshipful, God-fearing atmosphere of Sunray and by the people who worship there, but He had to change my heart so that I could appreciate the blessing and truly see things for what they are. I am grateful. Humbled. Amazed. Surrounded by more love than I could ever contain. Joyous. Giving. And more worshippful than I have been in a long time.
So I don't know where this story took you, or if it even made sense to anyone but me. Just take it as an account from a girl who has found a new way to be human, an old sense of love, a renewed heart of worship, and has found her heart, after losing her way for a long time.
MDA Camp 2011: The Crazy, Cool Catwomen"
Last year, I wrote a blog chronicling my week at Oklahoma's Muscular Dystrophy Association's annual summer camp, and all the blessing that God showered on me during that time. In reality, this week is the highlight of my year, and the blessings just keep multiplying every time I return to that beautiful little cabin at the end of the dirt road. So here's my chronicle of this year's camp! There was no painful drama like last year, no stubborn heart on my end as I hated the organization but loved my campers and had to go beyond what I ever believed I could do just to finish the week. In fact, this week went by like a dream, and went by so quickly that I didn't even have the chance to laugh or cry or feel much until I was driving home after a week away. This year, I was informed well in advance that I would be the cabin leader for C again; I was also informed that, for the first time ever, I wouldn't have my own camper, but rather, I would be supervising all 7 camper/counselor pairs in my cabin. Since this also meant that I got to love and spoil all 7 campers as if they were my own, I spent weeks before June 18th making bedsigns from paper collages and sewing capes so that my girls could fit the MDA Superhero theme of camp. Getting there went smoothly, camp went smoothly, for the most part. It was a beautiful week of watching in awe the beautiful young ladies my "camp babies" have grown to be, and falling in love with the quirky personalities of the other 4 ladies in my cabin. Even though I got minimal sleep and went constantly for a week straight, it was by far the best week of my year with more love all around than most people could even begin to imagine. I love my Cabin C ladies so much it hurts, and I look forward to many more years of memories to come as I get to observe them grow more in grace and beauty :)
And now....my list of memories from the week, as chronicled in the back of my camp scrapbook!
*While transferring Dea* "Katie, I feel like I have a squirrel in my mouth. Is that normal?"
Emily telling me I smelled bad...often.
Singing "Poor Wayfaring Stranger" to Dea
Katelyn and her love of scary stories!
"The Statuatory Rapist"...
"When I was a little girl, my grandma told me that milk comes from white birds!"
Getting dunked by Michelle to help accomplish Alex's goal
Friday gave me his Thunder bracelet in rival friendship, haha
SO much zebra!
Almost dropping Dea...twice...
Threatening to tape mouths into smiles!
Katelyn's warm fuzzies :)
"They can't even read. Why are they giving us books?!"
Friday fought valiantly against the vending machine even though he didn't remember whose drink it was. He lost the fight.
"Illegally" being in Cabin F, and interviewing any guy we could find to judge "List Potentials" ;)
The diving board...it's broken...
"I almost threw my Bible at you!"
Firework and Grenade. 50,000 times.
Paige and I sat on Laci's bed and screamed Hannah Montana, but she wouldn't wake up!
Emily, are you smiling?
Screaming "Rule #9!" At every possible moment.
Painting Transformers for Joshua :)
Literally flying out of bed. Every time.
Asking a Cabin D boy to dance...and he ran away he was dancing so hard!
AWKWARD.
Hua Dat?
Dea laying on my stomach to feel it gurgle
That one night I accidentally spat toothpaste all over the floor...
Katy's gory story...
Night of panic.
Getting to read Dea's poem with her at the talent show; highlight of camp
Having Katelyn almost discover "Happy Fish"
Return of the Taylor Swifts.
The infamous masks falling every few seconds!
"I hope you enjoy arts and crafts." "I hope your camper doesn't talk to you for 2 hours."
Laci was emo...Katelyn wanted to catch poisonous bugs...so we rode a boat together! :D
Jumping cape pic!
Best part of the day? Getting Dea showered.
"Your mom called. She said to bring back her phonebook."
Telling a scary story. About Bigfoot.
Was it worth it?
LOUDEST. ALARM. EVER. X2.
Emily threw her drink. Twice.
Writing backwards for shirt making!
Oh yeah, (insert statement), YEAH!
Serenading the girls when they arrived
Stealing Savannah's zebra!
Paige's encouragement and patience of Job
I stood on Dea's chair to jump in my bed and took out my hip. Karma.
Laci-rotations at the dance
Derek's cabin tally for bathroom use
Making up sign language for "squirrel in the mouth"
Having to tell Katelyn every day that we couldn't have cabin pets
SO many discussions about the Hangover
Swinging Dea like a baby from the Hoyer
Crying over my grown-up camp babies
SO many "broken rules"
Alexis brought her dog!
Dea and her bling!
Getting stuck with "Aqua Style" everytime on Boom-Chicka-Boom
The List included: Lee, Nathan, Garrett, Adam, Jamie, Daniel, Connor, Mike, and Collin. The order changed often.
Katelyn's ability to sound just like a dog
Sitting in the floor talking to my girls after lights out
Sleeping for all of Kung Fu Panda
"Nap Time"
Roberto was Emily's date
Payment with GUMMY BEARS!
SO much duct tape!
Getting to be the bad guy....hehe...
Savannah agreed to attend camp till she graduates if I'm her counselor :)
"Stupid Woodmen Camp, invading our grounds!"
If I Die Young
"It's frustrating. You are having meaningful conversations. I'm talking about trolls!"
Convincing Emily to stuff a jumbo marshmallow in her mouth
Paige told Laci that the thunderstorm was actually a distant drum circle, haha
Bathroom talks with Savannah
Daniel and Jamie fought for the title of "Best Accent"
Changing our song seconds before the talent show...
"You're gonna go home and tell everyone, 'A little black girl taught me how to Dougie...and she can't even walk!'"
Shelby flew off the golf cart that one night!
Musical beds during "Nap time"
Dea would hold my hand and told me she loved me everytime I helped her out :)
Absolutely SMASHING!
Yoga with Olivia, Colleen, and Paige
Animal Races! Everyone wins!
Cabin C got serenaded by people trying to earn their nametags
"I have a great idea for our skit, guys!" *I explain, then unanimously* "That's really dumb, Katie."
Worst Kool-Aid ever.
Maddie and her clams!
I'm Dea's 2nd mom!
Bilbo the Bear, and Alistair's affliction of "Cute Kid Syndrome"
And now....my list of memories from the week, as chronicled in the back of my camp scrapbook!
*While transferring Dea* "Katie, I feel like I have a squirrel in my mouth. Is that normal?"
Emily telling me I smelled bad...often.
Singing "Poor Wayfaring Stranger" to Dea
Katelyn and her love of scary stories!
"The Statuatory Rapist"...
"When I was a little girl, my grandma told me that milk comes from white birds!"
Getting dunked by Michelle to help accomplish Alex's goal
Friday gave me his Thunder bracelet in rival friendship, haha
SO much zebra!
Almost dropping Dea...twice...
Threatening to tape mouths into smiles!
Katelyn's warm fuzzies :)
"They can't even read. Why are they giving us books?!"
Friday fought valiantly against the vending machine even though he didn't remember whose drink it was. He lost the fight.
"Illegally" being in Cabin F, and interviewing any guy we could find to judge "List Potentials" ;)
The diving board...it's broken...
"I almost threw my Bible at you!"
Firework and Grenade. 50,000 times.
Paige and I sat on Laci's bed and screamed Hannah Montana, but she wouldn't wake up!
Emily, are you smiling?
Screaming "Rule #9!" At every possible moment.
Painting Transformers for Joshua :)
Literally flying out of bed. Every time.
Asking a Cabin D boy to dance...and he ran away he was dancing so hard!
AWKWARD.
Hua Dat?
Dea laying on my stomach to feel it gurgle
That one night I accidentally spat toothpaste all over the floor...
Katy's gory story...
Night of panic.
Getting to read Dea's poem with her at the talent show; highlight of camp
Having Katelyn almost discover "Happy Fish"
Return of the Taylor Swifts.
The infamous masks falling every few seconds!
"I hope you enjoy arts and crafts." "I hope your camper doesn't talk to you for 2 hours."
Laci was emo...Katelyn wanted to catch poisonous bugs...so we rode a boat together! :D
Jumping cape pic!
Best part of the day? Getting Dea showered.
"Your mom called. She said to bring back her phonebook."
Telling a scary story. About Bigfoot.
Was it worth it?
LOUDEST. ALARM. EVER. X2.
Emily threw her drink. Twice.
Writing backwards for shirt making!
Oh yeah, (insert statement), YEAH!
Serenading the girls when they arrived
Stealing Savannah's zebra!
Paige's encouragement and patience of Job
I stood on Dea's chair to jump in my bed and took out my hip. Karma.
Laci-rotations at the dance
Derek's cabin tally for bathroom use
Making up sign language for "squirrel in the mouth"
Having to tell Katelyn every day that we couldn't have cabin pets
SO many discussions about the Hangover
Swinging Dea like a baby from the Hoyer
Crying over my grown-up camp babies
SO many "broken rules"
Alexis brought her dog!
Dea and her bling!
Getting stuck with "Aqua Style" everytime on Boom-Chicka-Boom
The List included: Lee, Nathan, Garrett, Adam, Jamie, Daniel, Connor, Mike, and Collin. The order changed often.
Katelyn's ability to sound just like a dog
Sitting in the floor talking to my girls after lights out
Sleeping for all of Kung Fu Panda
"Nap Time"
Roberto was Emily's date
Payment with GUMMY BEARS!
SO much duct tape!
Getting to be the bad guy....hehe...
Savannah agreed to attend camp till she graduates if I'm her counselor :)
"Stupid Woodmen Camp, invading our grounds!"
If I Die Young
"It's frustrating. You are having meaningful conversations. I'm talking about trolls!"
Convincing Emily to stuff a jumbo marshmallow in her mouth
Paige told Laci that the thunderstorm was actually a distant drum circle, haha
Bathroom talks with Savannah
Daniel and Jamie fought for the title of "Best Accent"
Changing our song seconds before the talent show...
"You're gonna go home and tell everyone, 'A little black girl taught me how to Dougie...and she can't even walk!'"
Shelby flew off the golf cart that one night!
Musical beds during "Nap time"
Dea would hold my hand and told me she loved me everytime I helped her out :)
Absolutely SMASHING!
Yoga with Olivia, Colleen, and Paige
Animal Races! Everyone wins!
Cabin C got serenaded by people trying to earn their nametags
"I have a great idea for our skit, guys!" *I explain, then unanimously* "That's really dumb, Katie."
Worst Kool-Aid ever.
Maddie and her clams!
I'm Dea's 2nd mom!
Bilbo the Bear, and Alistair's affliction of "Cute Kid Syndrome"
One Year of Gratitude: June
June 1:
I get to be Cabin C Cabin Leader! :)
June 2:
Having Alex in Purcell!
June 3:
Day with Alex!
June 4:
Wonderful day of music and friends! :)
June 5:
TnT at church: such a blessing!
June 6:
Road trip adventures with heart sisters!
June 7:
Road tripping with my Meemaw, and getting to hear her stories :)
June 8:
Being around so many examples of pure love
June 9:
The Hobby Lobby lady who helped me buy cape materials at a discount :)
June 10:
Good, encouraging session at Westbrook. lots of productivity, and Thor with Dad
June 11:
The healing balm of time spent with Alyssa and Shannon :)
June 12:
Tears of joy at learning once more how to fall in love with Sunray and the Bible
June 13:
Working with Donna for VBS
June 14:
God-sightings in the preschoolers and in the amazing lightning storm!
June 15:
Donna Stillwell and her beautiful, Godly heart of gold, and the chance to truly see her this week; coffee with Shannon and her beautiful gift of loyal friendship; lunch with my Mom and her generous spirit; seeing the wonder on the faces of my preschool class and the chance for God to use me to love them; Donna's generosity in sewing for me; sharing music love with my Dad; running around the lake at daybreak and feeling my heart pound as I watch the day arrive; getting to pray for a dearly loved friend
June 16:
Donna's and Orval's love for the Gospel; getting to explain "forgiveness" to my preschool girls; listening to the voices of people I love and who have impacted me; talking with Megan and the conviction to mentor her; gorgeous sunset and singing praises; Lucille and Daisy, my faithful Westbrook music therapy attendees;
June 17:
Donna's love and patience as she has prayed over me for 10 years; Feeling so free, and realizing that I am beginning to truly see; love and goofiness of my heart sisters; encouragement by MeMe and her welcoming spirit
June 18:
Getting enthusiastic counselors this year; old camp friends and their love; feeling like a homecoming when I arrived at Cabin C; worship on the drive
June 19:
The feeling that comes when I see my "camp babies" arriving; hearing Em and Savannah tell everyone our stories and being willing to paint their hands to decorate my cape; Katy's creativity and tenderness; seeing my counselors openly serving my girls; watching how everything worked out in my fears of transfer problems
June 20:
Conversations with my 3 "camp babies"; getting to know Katy better and better; laughing with Dea during transfers; Paige's kind heart and patience toward Laci; Emily's smile; the chance to paint faces; beautiful simplicity of convos with people throughout camp; Laci's calm in the storm
June 21:
Dea's love for me; unexpected friendship with Tonia; swimming with Katelyn; Daniel Barker's love for his camper made him wear OU gear; my beautiful 3 girls, and their kind hearts; Alexis's sassiness and hidden tenderness; getting Laci for dinner and knowing how to calm her
June 22:
Reading Dea's poem with her for the talent show; Lots of talk with my favorite ladies; Paige's patience and kind heart; Sharing memories of Matt with Nick Carson
June 23:
Talking with Paige; Derek's teamwork; deep life discussions with Em, Dea, and Savannah; Cabin F's hospitality; the chance to be in the lives of my Cabin C girls; laughter shared while dressing Dea
June 24:
Katelyn's warm fuzzy of love for me; getting to meet all the parents and gain their trust; talking with Tyler, for a little while; kindness of my heart sisters to not blame me for sleeping during a movie
June 25:
Beautiful feeling of much-needed sleep
June 26:
The joy on Megan's face when I asked if I could be her mentor; playing piano for worship; driving with my Dad; "finding my heart"
June 27:
Thoughts toward romance and God's great skill in authoring our biographies
June 28:
Surrounded by so many beautiful, loving people who truly desire my best
June 29:
sisterhood and easy conversation with Alyssa; getting to explain the "discovery of my heart"; hearing people who are excited about the Word and willing to share; new perspective in Ruth; my Dad's gentle heart; dogwalking talks with my Mom; conviction to move, and the desire for change
June 30:
A day of summer relaxation; having a best friend with whom I can nerd out; Paul's writing to the early church
I get to be Cabin C Cabin Leader! :)
June 2:
Having Alex in Purcell!
June 3:
Day with Alex!
June 4:
Wonderful day of music and friends! :)
June 5:
TnT at church: such a blessing!
June 6:
Road trip adventures with heart sisters!
June 7:
Road tripping with my Meemaw, and getting to hear her stories :)
June 8:
Being around so many examples of pure love
June 9:
The Hobby Lobby lady who helped me buy cape materials at a discount :)
June 10:
Good, encouraging session at Westbrook. lots of productivity, and Thor with Dad
June 11:
The healing balm of time spent with Alyssa and Shannon :)
June 12:
Tears of joy at learning once more how to fall in love with Sunray and the Bible
June 13:
Working with Donna for VBS
June 14:
God-sightings in the preschoolers and in the amazing lightning storm!
June 15:
Donna Stillwell and her beautiful, Godly heart of gold, and the chance to truly see her this week; coffee with Shannon and her beautiful gift of loyal friendship; lunch with my Mom and her generous spirit; seeing the wonder on the faces of my preschool class and the chance for God to use me to love them; Donna's generosity in sewing for me; sharing music love with my Dad; running around the lake at daybreak and feeling my heart pound as I watch the day arrive; getting to pray for a dearly loved friend
June 16:
Donna's and Orval's love for the Gospel; getting to explain "forgiveness" to my preschool girls; listening to the voices of people I love and who have impacted me; talking with Megan and the conviction to mentor her; gorgeous sunset and singing praises; Lucille and Daisy, my faithful Westbrook music therapy attendees;
June 17:
Donna's love and patience as she has prayed over me for 10 years; Feeling so free, and realizing that I am beginning to truly see; love and goofiness of my heart sisters; encouragement by MeMe and her welcoming spirit
June 18:
Getting enthusiastic counselors this year; old camp friends and their love; feeling like a homecoming when I arrived at Cabin C; worship on the drive
June 19:
The feeling that comes when I see my "camp babies" arriving; hearing Em and Savannah tell everyone our stories and being willing to paint their hands to decorate my cape; Katy's creativity and tenderness; seeing my counselors openly serving my girls; watching how everything worked out in my fears of transfer problems
June 20:
Conversations with my 3 "camp babies"; getting to know Katy better and better; laughing with Dea during transfers; Paige's kind heart and patience toward Laci; Emily's smile; the chance to paint faces; beautiful simplicity of convos with people throughout camp; Laci's calm in the storm
June 21:
Dea's love for me; unexpected friendship with Tonia; swimming with Katelyn; Daniel Barker's love for his camper made him wear OU gear; my beautiful 3 girls, and their kind hearts; Alexis's sassiness and hidden tenderness; getting Laci for dinner and knowing how to calm her
June 22:
Reading Dea's poem with her for the talent show; Lots of talk with my favorite ladies; Paige's patience and kind heart; Sharing memories of Matt with Nick Carson
June 23:
Talking with Paige; Derek's teamwork; deep life discussions with Em, Dea, and Savannah; Cabin F's hospitality; the chance to be in the lives of my Cabin C girls; laughter shared while dressing Dea
June 24:
Katelyn's warm fuzzy of love for me; getting to meet all the parents and gain their trust; talking with Tyler, for a little while; kindness of my heart sisters to not blame me for sleeping during a movie
June 25:
Beautiful feeling of much-needed sleep
June 26:
The joy on Megan's face when I asked if I could be her mentor; playing piano for worship; driving with my Dad; "finding my heart"
June 27:
Thoughts toward romance and God's great skill in authoring our biographies
June 28:
Surrounded by so many beautiful, loving people who truly desire my best
June 29:
sisterhood and easy conversation with Alyssa; getting to explain the "discovery of my heart"; hearing people who are excited about the Word and willing to share; new perspective in Ruth; my Dad's gentle heart; dogwalking talks with my Mom; conviction to move, and the desire for change
June 30:
A day of summer relaxation; having a best friend with whom I can nerd out; Paul's writing to the early church
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
One Year of Gratitude: May
May 1:
Raining in the freezing rain, 13.1 miles all the way, worshipping along the journey! :)
May 2:
Seeing the beauty of the emerald Flint Hills
May 3:
Having Nicole to make me feel better on awful days
May 4:
The innocence of friendship and love witnessed at Natural Ties prom
May 5:
Being helped unexpectedly in my therapy session by Joann Hootz
May 6:
Friendship, sunshine, poetry, music...the list goes on, and the heart of life is good!
May 7:
Being surrounded by beautiful sisters-in-Christ, and having a productive day!
May 8:
Fabulous roommate date to KCMO!
May 9:
First afternoon to just sit in the sun!
May 10:
The sound of my parents' voices
May 11:
An hour between classes to finish Matthew in the sunshine
May 12:
An hour of friend-time with Bethany in the courtyard
May 13:
Open worshipping and joyous hearts with dear friends!
May 14:
Insanely productive day, and being almost finished with the semester!
May 15:
One last Sunday with several beloved friends
May 16:
Heather's friendship and Godly influence
May 17:
Done with math forever, hallelujah!
May 18:
I survived the semester!!!
May 19:
HOME
May 20:
The loyal, beautiful friendship of Shannon Nicole Hackney
May 21:
Blessed day with the family
May 22:
Blessed with worshippful songwriting/church service
May 23:
Restoration of friendships, and an afternoon with my best friend Alyssa Laura King
May 24:
eleven years of calling God "Father" and His protection from storms
May 25:
Restoration of old acquaintances
May 26:
Prayers by the lake
May 27:
Kyle's friendship, and our family's beautiful legacy
May 28:
Feeling so much as I remember who I am
May 29:
A short chat with an old high school friend
May 30:
Heart-revelations
May 31:
Kindness of the eye doctor's assistant
Raining in the freezing rain, 13.1 miles all the way, worshipping along the journey! :)
May 2:
Seeing the beauty of the emerald Flint Hills
May 3:
Having Nicole to make me feel better on awful days
May 4:
The innocence of friendship and love witnessed at Natural Ties prom
May 5:
Being helped unexpectedly in my therapy session by Joann Hootz
May 6:
Friendship, sunshine, poetry, music...the list goes on, and the heart of life is good!
May 7:
Being surrounded by beautiful sisters-in-Christ, and having a productive day!
May 8:
Fabulous roommate date to KCMO!
May 9:
First afternoon to just sit in the sun!
May 10:
The sound of my parents' voices
May 11:
An hour between classes to finish Matthew in the sunshine
May 12:
An hour of friend-time with Bethany in the courtyard
May 13:
Open worshipping and joyous hearts with dear friends!
May 14:
Insanely productive day, and being almost finished with the semester!
May 15:
One last Sunday with several beloved friends
May 16:
Heather's friendship and Godly influence
May 17:
Done with math forever, hallelujah!
May 18:
I survived the semester!!!
May 19:
HOME
May 20:
The loyal, beautiful friendship of Shannon Nicole Hackney
May 21:
Blessed day with the family
May 22:
Blessed with worshippful songwriting/church service
May 23:
Restoration of friendships, and an afternoon with my best friend Alyssa Laura King
May 24:
eleven years of calling God "Father" and His protection from storms
May 25:
Restoration of old acquaintances
May 26:
Prayers by the lake
May 27:
Kyle's friendship, and our family's beautiful legacy
May 28:
Feeling so much as I remember who I am
May 29:
A short chat with an old high school friend
May 30:
Heart-revelations
May 31:
Kindness of the eye doctor's assistant
Sunday, May 22, 2011
This is Home
Currently, I am sitting in my life-long bedroom, cooling down after a 5k run around my end of Purcell. The walls around me are still lime green from my painting spree at age 13, but the majority of the boxes I left here when I went to college are now gone and replaced by my array of instruments. I've been away to Kansas for two years, but I'm finally back in Purcell, Oklahoma for an extended amount of time.
It's weird, actually. For my entire first year of college, I never felt homesick and rarely tried to come home. It's not that home is bad, by any means, it was just that I felt that I was grown up enough to live on my own and not look back. Then, my sophomore year hit, and I started having a deep longing within my heart for the entire concept of "home". Maybe not necessarily the actual house on 846 W Apache where I have lived since I was born, but the little things that are synonymous with home.
Things such as: the foundation of faith and support that I feel all around me from my family and from the people of Sunray Baptist Church. The love that I see and feel from my family. The joy I get from getting to spend time with my Meemaw. Spending significant time in God's Word and getting that feeling that I love it more than anything else in the world. Getting to run along all my old trails and seeing familiar faces no matter where I go. Sitting with a heart-sister for an entire evening and rekindling our loving friendship. Being volunteered to do things in the community, and remembering how to interact with--and genuinely love--people. The simple beauty of watching my pets run around and be crazy, and thinking about how creative God is to give even these small animals personalities. The feeling of opening a book that is an "old friend" and getting lost once again. Sitting in my backyard, watching storms roll in, and spending an hour or more quietly in awe of God and His greatness. The list could continue indefinitely.
I've only been home for 3 full days so far, but I am already feeling myself changing. All the homesickness and lack of joy that hit me during the school year are returning in full force. I'm remembering who I am, and how absolutely beyond-blessed I am. I've started writing music again, and I've been spending each day doing as much as I can to seize the day. Most importantly, I have been filled over and over again with joy from my Savior, and I am just worshipping and hungering after more of Him. I'm no longer worried about the future, because I'm seeing how, if God loves me so much that He has blessed me with this beautiful life that takes my breath away, He will continue to provide in even more amazing ways, no matter where life takes me.
I don't know where the rest of the summer will lead, but I'm not expecting boredom to hit me. This is exactly where I am supposed to be, and I know that God will show me purpose and continue to draw me closer to His heart. And frankly, that sounds like a beautiful way to spend my summer vacation.
This is home, and I'm finally where I belong.
It's weird, actually. For my entire first year of college, I never felt homesick and rarely tried to come home. It's not that home is bad, by any means, it was just that I felt that I was grown up enough to live on my own and not look back. Then, my sophomore year hit, and I started having a deep longing within my heart for the entire concept of "home". Maybe not necessarily the actual house on 846 W Apache where I have lived since I was born, but the little things that are synonymous with home.
Things such as: the foundation of faith and support that I feel all around me from my family and from the people of Sunray Baptist Church. The love that I see and feel from my family. The joy I get from getting to spend time with my Meemaw. Spending significant time in God's Word and getting that feeling that I love it more than anything else in the world. Getting to run along all my old trails and seeing familiar faces no matter where I go. Sitting with a heart-sister for an entire evening and rekindling our loving friendship. Being volunteered to do things in the community, and remembering how to interact with--and genuinely love--people. The simple beauty of watching my pets run around and be crazy, and thinking about how creative God is to give even these small animals personalities. The feeling of opening a book that is an "old friend" and getting lost once again. Sitting in my backyard, watching storms roll in, and spending an hour or more quietly in awe of God and His greatness. The list could continue indefinitely.
I've only been home for 3 full days so far, but I am already feeling myself changing. All the homesickness and lack of joy that hit me during the school year are returning in full force. I'm remembering who I am, and how absolutely beyond-blessed I am. I've started writing music again, and I've been spending each day doing as much as I can to seize the day. Most importantly, I have been filled over and over again with joy from my Savior, and I am just worshipping and hungering after more of Him. I'm no longer worried about the future, because I'm seeing how, if God loves me so much that He has blessed me with this beautiful life that takes my breath away, He will continue to provide in even more amazing ways, no matter where life takes me.
I don't know where the rest of the summer will lead, but I'm not expecting boredom to hit me. This is exactly where I am supposed to be, and I know that God will show me purpose and continue to draw me closer to His heart. And frankly, that sounds like a beautiful way to spend my summer vacation.
This is home, and I'm finally where I belong.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
One Year of Gratitude: April
April 1: Dorky times with friends :)
April 2: Beyond-beautiful day, and God heart-stirrings
April 3: Laying on my porch, listening to hallelujahs, and watching the storm roll in
April 4: The love amongst the Bandies
April 5: Witnessing the most beautiful evening sky I have ever seen that compelled me to worship
April 6: Beautiful day with lots of God-time :)
April 7: An evening for errands!
April 8: Dr. Clair's advice to "stand in the hammock"
April 9: Refreshing lunch talk with Kim and Melissa Hill
April 10: Getting elected to the MWRAMTAS board and setting my 10-song quiz-out!
April 11: Winning the MEMT scholarship, and reflections on love
April 12: Pounding heart while running
April 13: The beauty and heart of folk music, and gaining my Dad's ability to discern random, beautiful things
April 14: Music that brings people together, and kind, understanding professors
April 15: Friend-date with Alex, and movies that advocate for music therapy!
April 16: A day all alone and a morning with God
April 17: Good friends from church
April 18: Stimulating God-conversations
April 19: Long phone call with Tyler
April 20: Unexpected rambles with Bethany
April 21: Getting to talk with all my family members
April 22: Having the sun emerge just in time for a run
April 23: Blessed by so many wonderful people in my life!
April 24: The beauty and endurance of the Bible
April 25: Thunderstorm to end a grey day
April 26: Everyone who got sick today in Murphy is doing better
April 27: Beautiful piano music in theory
April 28: Professors, employees, and friends that make school "worth it"
April 29: The beauty of coming home!
April 30: Wonderful day spent with Tyler :)
April 2: Beyond-beautiful day, and God heart-stirrings
April 3: Laying on my porch, listening to hallelujahs, and watching the storm roll in
April 4: The love amongst the Bandies
April 5: Witnessing the most beautiful evening sky I have ever seen that compelled me to worship
April 6: Beautiful day with lots of God-time :)
April 7: An evening for errands!
April 8: Dr. Clair's advice to "stand in the hammock"
April 9: Refreshing lunch talk with Kim and Melissa Hill
April 10: Getting elected to the MWRAMTAS board and setting my 10-song quiz-out!
April 11: Winning the MEMT scholarship, and reflections on love
April 12: Pounding heart while running
April 13: The beauty and heart of folk music, and gaining my Dad's ability to discern random, beautiful things
April 14: Music that brings people together, and kind, understanding professors
April 15: Friend-date with Alex, and movies that advocate for music therapy!
April 16: A day all alone and a morning with God
April 17: Good friends from church
April 18: Stimulating God-conversations
April 19: Long phone call with Tyler
April 20: Unexpected rambles with Bethany
April 21: Getting to talk with all my family members
April 22: Having the sun emerge just in time for a run
April 23: Blessed by so many wonderful people in my life!
April 24: The beauty and endurance of the Bible
April 25: Thunderstorm to end a grey day
April 26: Everyone who got sick today in Murphy is doing better
April 27: Beautiful piano music in theory
April 28: Professors, employees, and friends that make school "worth it"
April 29: The beauty of coming home!
April 30: Wonderful day spent with Tyler :)
Saturday, April 2, 2011
One Year of Gratitude: March
March 1: The thought of God talking to Abram at night under the stars, correlating with my mental image of the Lion King
March 2: The easy going friendship/roommate-ness shared with Nicole
March 3: Professors like Mr. Powell and Dr. Paul who actually make me want to be better
March 4: Tyler, Matt, Bethany, and Alex :)
March 5: A day with the guys :)
March 6: Twenty years of breathing and heart-beating with hope for my next years :)
March 7: Nicole is back home!
March 8: Being made so that my soul is dying of thirst
March 9: 7 months of roommate-ness and concert experiences!
March 10: Understanding and compassion :)
March 11: Silly times with the heart-sisters
March 12: Strong relationships with my family
March 13: Being covered in love by Purcell people
March 14: Contemplations over Genesis 46: 2-4
March 15: Chelsea Gallagher, and knowing I'm not alone in therapy
March 16: Refreshed about school!
March 17: A day of warmth, encouragement, and therapy :)
March 18: 6 mile run and sunshine!
March 19: New(ish) hair!
March 20: Safe and sane trip to Houston, and peace from a beautiful sunset
March 21: The beautiful things happening at Rise School
March 22: I performed my first-ever therapy session!
March 23: Watching a risky session come together beautifully!
March 24: Veronica Butler and her willingness to let us practice therapy and learn
March 25: Wes Powell and Jenny Hardesty
March 26: Reflecting on the wonderful people in my life the whole way home :)
March 27: Nicole and I are both home!
March 28: Having 2 wonderful college besties!
March 29: Planning college with Dr. Colwell
March 30: Strength not to stress
March 31: Evening to breathe
March 2: The easy going friendship/roommate-ness shared with Nicole
March 3: Professors like Mr. Powell and Dr. Paul who actually make me want to be better
March 4: Tyler, Matt, Bethany, and Alex :)
March 5: A day with the guys :)
March 6: Twenty years of breathing and heart-beating with hope for my next years :)
March 7: Nicole is back home!
March 8: Being made so that my soul is dying of thirst
March 9: 7 months of roommate-ness and concert experiences!
March 10: Understanding and compassion :)
March 11: Silly times with the heart-sisters
March 12: Strong relationships with my family
March 13: Being covered in love by Purcell people
March 14: Contemplations over Genesis 46: 2-4
March 15: Chelsea Gallagher, and knowing I'm not alone in therapy
March 16: Refreshed about school!
March 17: A day of warmth, encouragement, and therapy :)
March 18: 6 mile run and sunshine!
March 19: New(ish) hair!
March 20: Safe and sane trip to Houston, and peace from a beautiful sunset
March 21: The beautiful things happening at Rise School
March 22: I performed my first-ever therapy session!
March 23: Watching a risky session come together beautifully!
March 24: Veronica Butler and her willingness to let us practice therapy and learn
March 25: Wes Powell and Jenny Hardesty
March 26: Reflecting on the wonderful people in my life the whole way home :)
March 27: Nicole and I are both home!
March 28: Having 2 wonderful college besties!
March 29: Planning college with Dr. Colwell
March 30: Strength not to stress
March 31: Evening to breathe
Friday, March 18, 2011
A Month's Worth of God-Thoughts
It's been awhile since I have written anything on here. Life has been busy! But in the busyness, there have been some really cool God-moments that have touched my heart. At the end of February, I finished reading through the Bible again and started back at Genesis. As I started re-reading, I tried to keep a clear mind and read as though I was a child reading the stories for the first time. It's been an interesting tactic. I've been seeing the Bible with new wonder and appreciation for the simple things contained within the pages. Two Genesis stories in particular jumped out at me and stayed with me, allowing my mind to just ruminate on them, for the entire month. The first story is found in Genesis 15. The Katie-summary of the story is as follows: God visits Abram late at night and claims that He is Abram's reward, and nothing else is needed. Abram replies with questions as to his lack of a successor of his inheritance, as his wife is barren. God replies by taking Abram out to look at the stars covering the sky, and promises Abram that his descendants will be as numerous as the night-lights. I think of how deeply special this story would be to the Israelite nation who originally read this story, since they were the inheritance mentioned. I think of how deeply touched they would be by this historical account of God's faithfulness that led to their very existence. The thing that stuck with me the most, though, was thinking about this story from Abram's perspective. I just imagine the feelings within Abram as he went out to the edge of his camp to look up at the stars and talk with his Father. The excitement of a conversation with his Creator, paired with the frustration he felt that life wasn't turning out as he had planned. I imagine him just sitting out in a pasture, looking up into the vastness of God's creation. I imagine him and God just simply talking, a father to a son. For a more accurate description of what I imagine, think of that one scene in the Lion King where Simba is looking up into the sky and talking to Sky-Mufasa. I know, stupid. But the thought of this intimacy, this all-powerful, ever-loving God....it touches my heart and makes my heart thirsty for more of this God. On a totally unrelated story, my second "deep thought" came from Genesis 46: 2-4. I had always known that the Israelite nation ended up in Egypt because of Joseph's placement there, and after staying there for several generations of captivity, they were freed and returned to their promised land. I had always assumed that since this story included such a horrible story of oppression that the Israelites had disobeyed God in their movement to Egypt and were punished accordingly. But in the above mentioned passage, it says: "Then God spoke to Israel in the visions of the night, and said, "Jacob, Jacob!" And he said, "Here I am." So He said, "I am God, the God of your father; do not fear to go down to Egypt, for I will make a great nation of you there. I will go with you down to Egypt, and I will also surely bring you up again."" Reading this made me struggle with my thoughts for a day or two. How could a God who loved His people so much allow them to be put in a situation that would lead to pain, heartache, captivity, oppression? Why was He so slow to rush in and save the day? I think the answer goes back to the overall answer: Because God is God, and everything that happens is for His glory and praise. Yes, the people were oppressed and broken, but God used that brokenness to draw them closer to Him, and to perform miracles never imagined to show them how deep His love truly was. The way that God rushed in to save the day left people talking everywhere, for centuries and beyond, and His ways of miracles provided a foundation of faith and trust in His faithfulness towards those who love Him. The fact that God willingly allowed bad things to provide things so much better is another thing that is too beautiful for me to wrap my mind around. My explanations behind these two stories might not even make sense. Let's just leave it at the fact that my God is an awesome, all-powerful, ever-loving, "Hero-with-a-sense-of-chivalry" kind of God, and I stand in amazement. May Your wonders never cease!
Monday, February 28, 2011
One Year of Gratitude--February
February 1, 2011
Staying safe and warm from the storm
February 2
A day of reading and rest and fresh, albeit cold, air
February 3
Friendship with Xiao and her insistence to "not let me walk in the cold and dark alone" :)
February 4
Unashamed music of the heart
February 5
Being a member of the Sigma Alpha Iota sisterhood
February 6
"Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher :)
February 7
Getting to talk with Dad on the phone after a long time of only e-mails!
February 8
God's protection while driving in the sudden snow
February 9
Long convos with Nicole after an awful day
February 10
Having a normal, neutral day with no February blues
February 11
Beautiful music that makes you happy to be alive :)
February 12
Breakfast with Dad! :)
February 13
Long phone calls that make warm, perfect days even better :)
February 14
Single Ladies' Party actually worked!!!!!!!
February 15
The books of Jonah and Philippians
February 16
Waking to a foggy pink morning and the song "Praise Adonai"
February 17
Talking with someone who is passionate for God
February 18
God's protection over my extended family
February 19
A day of conscious worship :)
February 20
Warmth, running, and awareness of my beating heart while watching storm clouds roll in
February 21
Bethany survived her allergic reaction!
February 22
Being reminded of why I chose my major
February 23
Worship time on my porch after classes
February 24
God pushed my truck out of the icy road and into safety!
February 25
Spreading the love of music to beginning musicians
February 26
Kim Davidson's friendship and Joshua Radin's voice!
February 27
Walking through a thunderstorm :)
February 28
A rare, awesome-at-horn day, and Dr. Paul's kindness
Staying safe and warm from the storm
February 2
A day of reading and rest and fresh, albeit cold, air
February 3
Friendship with Xiao and her insistence to "not let me walk in the cold and dark alone" :)
February 4
Unashamed music of the heart
February 5
Being a member of the Sigma Alpha Iota sisterhood
February 6
"Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher :)
February 7
Getting to talk with Dad on the phone after a long time of only e-mails!
February 8
God's protection while driving in the sudden snow
February 9
Long convos with Nicole after an awful day
February 10
Having a normal, neutral day with no February blues
February 11
Beautiful music that makes you happy to be alive :)
February 12
Breakfast with Dad! :)
February 13
Long phone calls that make warm, perfect days even better :)
February 14
Single Ladies' Party actually worked!!!!!!!
February 15
The books of Jonah and Philippians
February 16
Waking to a foggy pink morning and the song "Praise Adonai"
February 17
Talking with someone who is passionate for God
February 18
God's protection over my extended family
February 19
A day of conscious worship :)
February 20
Warmth, running, and awareness of my beating heart while watching storm clouds roll in
February 21
Bethany survived her allergic reaction!
February 22
Being reminded of why I chose my major
February 23
Worship time on my porch after classes
February 24
God pushed my truck out of the icy road and into safety!
February 25
Spreading the love of music to beginning musicians
February 26
Kim Davidson's friendship and Joshua Radin's voice!
February 27
Walking through a thunderstorm :)
February 28
A rare, awesome-at-horn day, and Dr. Paul's kindness
Friday, February 4, 2011
Throw Down Your Heart
I'm not usually one to write reviews over movies that I have seen, but tonight I saw Bela Fleck's documentary "Throw Down Your Heart", and my mind is about to explode from how perfect the film was. The basis of the film was the journey of Bela Fleck, acclaimed banjo-player. He travelled to four African countries to trace the origins of the banjo and immerse himself in the culture of music that Africa is famous for.
Honestly, I couldn't stop smiling through the entire thing. The universiality of music, and the way that Fleck could so easily communicate with people via the language of music blew my mind, making me once again grateful that I am dedicating my life to a career that uses this universal language. The second thing that touched my heart while watching was seeing the beautiful people of these nations come together to interact through music in their daily lives. So often, we are afraid to even hum in front of people, but these people were unashamed to belt out their songs and join together with their villages in celebration of life on a daily basis. They have never had any formal training beyond the traditions of family members who hand down their instruments, yet their voices and musical abilities blow my mind in their simplistic beauty. Which also made me think about why I love African music in the first place. In Revelation 7:9, it says "I looked and behold, a great multitude which no one could number, of all nations, tribes, peoples, and tongues, standing before the throne...crying and singing "blessing and glory"!" When I hear this beautiful music, these songs that come as a result of cries from broken souls, I am positively heartbroken, yet thrilled at the same time, thinking of how they find reason to rejoice, even in their hardships, and how beautiful the sound will be when this continent known for oppression will be freed from their bondage and will take up the sound of rejoicing....even now, just thinking about it I am getting chills!
So, yes. I'm not sure where this ramble went. Go watch the documentary and allow your heart to be touched in a million ways as mine was touched tonight.
Honestly, I couldn't stop smiling through the entire thing. The universiality of music, and the way that Fleck could so easily communicate with people via the language of music blew my mind, making me once again grateful that I am dedicating my life to a career that uses this universal language. The second thing that touched my heart while watching was seeing the beautiful people of these nations come together to interact through music in their daily lives. So often, we are afraid to even hum in front of people, but these people were unashamed to belt out their songs and join together with their villages in celebration of life on a daily basis. They have never had any formal training beyond the traditions of family members who hand down their instruments, yet their voices and musical abilities blow my mind in their simplistic beauty. Which also made me think about why I love African music in the first place. In Revelation 7:9, it says "I looked and behold, a great multitude which no one could number, of all nations, tribes, peoples, and tongues, standing before the throne...crying and singing "blessing and glory"!" When I hear this beautiful music, these songs that come as a result of cries from broken souls, I am positively heartbroken, yet thrilled at the same time, thinking of how they find reason to rejoice, even in their hardships, and how beautiful the sound will be when this continent known for oppression will be freed from their bondage and will take up the sound of rejoicing....even now, just thinking about it I am getting chills!
So, yes. I'm not sure where this ramble went. Go watch the documentary and allow your heart to be touched in a million ways as mine was touched tonight.
Monday, January 31, 2011
One Year of Gratitude--January
January 1, 2011:
I am forgiven and loved by my Father, and that's enough
January 2:
Getting a nice nap that dissolved my grumpiness
January 3:
Laughter and healing from an evening with Alyssa and Shannon
January 4:
Getting to visit with my Meemaw this afternoon
January 5:
Songs that make you dance for Jesus all day long!
January 6:
Getting the chance to help Conklin's students
January 7:
C.S. Lewis's Narnian depiction of heaven
January 8:
Being like my Dad
January 9:
Getting to visit with Donna Bell and Tyler
January 10:
Waking up in perfect comfort with a grey sky and a warm bed :)
January 11:
That God never gave up on my punk junior-high self, and that He is still helping me to "grow in grace" in the present
January 12:
God extended His grace and salvation to the Gentiles :)
January 13:
Spending a wonderful afternoon with Meemaw and the freeing power of words
January 14:
The chance to advocate for my future career
January 15:
Long runs with Conklin and having her as an active member in my life
January 16:
Thanks to Jesus, I am not enslaved by legality!
January 17:
Spending the afternoon with Tyler :)
January 18:
Coming home to my wonderful roomie!
January 19:
Actually appreciating the blizzard
January 20:
Perfect "end-of-break-snow-day" with the roomie
January 21:
The invention of sledding!
January 22:
Kindness of the 5 strangers who pushed me out of the ice
January 23:
Reuniting with my FSBC family
January 24:
Reuniting with the Bandies
January 25:
Eating with some therapy girls, running with Carisa, and Bethany-time :)
January 26:
2-hours of alone-ness and personal worship!
January 27:
Bonding with both of my bosses at work
January 28:
Selected as Mello Drill Instructor for the 2011 Marching Jayhawks!!!
January 29:
Ridiculous conversations :)
January 30:
Worship service with Bethany
January 31:
Library free-time with Alex!
I am forgiven and loved by my Father, and that's enough
January 2:
Getting a nice nap that dissolved my grumpiness
January 3:
Laughter and healing from an evening with Alyssa and Shannon
January 4:
Getting to visit with my Meemaw this afternoon
January 5:
Songs that make you dance for Jesus all day long!
January 6:
Getting the chance to help Conklin's students
January 7:
C.S. Lewis's Narnian depiction of heaven
January 8:
Being like my Dad
January 9:
Getting to visit with Donna Bell and Tyler
January 10:
Waking up in perfect comfort with a grey sky and a warm bed :)
January 11:
That God never gave up on my punk junior-high self, and that He is still helping me to "grow in grace" in the present
January 12:
God extended His grace and salvation to the Gentiles :)
January 13:
Spending a wonderful afternoon with Meemaw and the freeing power of words
January 14:
The chance to advocate for my future career
January 15:
Long runs with Conklin and having her as an active member in my life
January 16:
Thanks to Jesus, I am not enslaved by legality!
January 17:
Spending the afternoon with Tyler :)
January 18:
Coming home to my wonderful roomie!
January 19:
Actually appreciating the blizzard
January 20:
Perfect "end-of-break-snow-day" with the roomie
January 21:
The invention of sledding!
January 22:
Kindness of the 5 strangers who pushed me out of the ice
January 23:
Reuniting with my FSBC family
January 24:
Reuniting with the Bandies
January 25:
Eating with some therapy girls, running with Carisa, and Bethany-time :)
January 26:
2-hours of alone-ness and personal worship!
January 27:
Bonding with both of my bosses at work
January 28:
Selected as Mello Drill Instructor for the 2011 Marching Jayhawks!!!
January 29:
Ridiculous conversations :)
January 30:
Worship service with Bethany
January 31:
Library free-time with Alex!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
One Year of Gratitude--December
December 1:
1.)Finishing all the papers I need to turn in for therapy!
2.) Nicole's support
3.) Natural Ties: Annette, nice frat boys, and Ross's compliments when I'm not feeling pretty
December 2:
1.) Bethany's support and calm spirit in my stress
2.) finished with projects!
3.) Life-talk with Drew
December 3:
1.) The surprise of great acoustic music with friends
2.) Getting to observe Elizabeth's therapy sessions
3.) Coffee, Beatles, and awkward moments with Bethany
December 4:
1) Getting the chance to love Bethany and pray for her in the bad times
2) Easy-going day
3) Mini-run to start the day
December 5:
1) Reflections on time, and how this past year has taughe me what love is, who I am, and how much I am loved by God
2) Sharing a silent Wal-Mart trip with Nicole
3) The beautiful simplicity of old-fashioned Christmas carols
December 6:
1)Painful longing for heaven and falling in love with Jesus
2) M&Ms and life plans with Bethany
3) Seeing how music therapy actually works
December 7:
1) Getting to share my semester-testimony of love with friends
2) Seeing my peers grow as music therapists
3) Generosity of our SAI Alumni chapter
December 8:
1) Discovering my appoinmtent as site leader for the KU Alternative Break to the Music Therapy Center in Houston!
2) Good section leader interview
3) Getting to chat with Molly during instrument check-in
December 9:
1) Four months with Nicole, celebrated with Cheesecake Factory!
2) Having Alyssa and her level-head as my best friend
3) Finishing classes for the semester!
December 10:
1) Day-long contemplations on the disciples and their faithfulnes and love for Christ
2) SAI sisterhood time
3) God taking away my thoughts of loneliness
December 11:
1) The gift of music and the ability to sing for my Savior
2) The Bells and their hospitality and love towards us
3) First snow!
December 12:
1) Getting to reflect on the gift of Jesus's humanity during the music service at church
2) Nicole's love--and inspiring Christmas card :)
3) Warm blankets :)
December 13:
1) Extra-long phone call with my parents
2) Sharing music with the Girl Scouts
3) Bethany caring enough to ask about my heart hurts, even while writing a paper
December 14: Bethany helping me get to class today, and the friendship I have with her and Alex
December 15: Videos with Nicole and laughing till I cry
December 16: Getting to spend an entire, awesome day with Nicole cleaning, studying, signing, and ejoying our completion of the semester!
December 17: Music and car talk with my Daddy
December 18: Heart-talks and driving around with the Woof Pack
December 19: Realizing that crazy people aren't fully crazy, and that love remains, even when communication is rocky :)
December 20: Witnessing God's creativity in the lunar eclipse!
December 21: The special bond of inside jokes
December 22: Orval's compliment at church that turned my whole day around
December 23: Growing up with 2 Godly guys as my best friends :)
December 24: Christmas movie traditions with my Mom
December 25: Immanuel!
December 26: Friendship with Alyssa Laura King, and God's guidance through awkward conversations
December 27: The gifts of imagining, hoping, and dreaming
December 28: Getting the chance to be in the lives of Caitlin and Shawn
December 29: Good convos at church with the Uth
December 30: Catching up with some of my adopted grandmas :)
December 31: Coming safely through another year and decade
1.)Finishing all the papers I need to turn in for therapy!
2.) Nicole's support
3.) Natural Ties: Annette, nice frat boys, and Ross's compliments when I'm not feeling pretty
December 2:
1.) Bethany's support and calm spirit in my stress
2.) finished with projects!
3.) Life-talk with Drew
December 3:
1.) The surprise of great acoustic music with friends
2.) Getting to observe Elizabeth's therapy sessions
3.) Coffee, Beatles, and awkward moments with Bethany
December 4:
1) Getting the chance to love Bethany and pray for her in the bad times
2) Easy-going day
3) Mini-run to start the day
December 5:
1) Reflections on time, and how this past year has taughe me what love is, who I am, and how much I am loved by God
2) Sharing a silent Wal-Mart trip with Nicole
3) The beautiful simplicity of old-fashioned Christmas carols
December 6:
1)Painful longing for heaven and falling in love with Jesus
2) M&Ms and life plans with Bethany
3) Seeing how music therapy actually works
December 7:
1) Getting to share my semester-testimony of love with friends
2) Seeing my peers grow as music therapists
3) Generosity of our SAI Alumni chapter
December 8:
1) Discovering my appoinmtent as site leader for the KU Alternative Break to the Music Therapy Center in Houston!
2) Good section leader interview
3) Getting to chat with Molly during instrument check-in
December 9:
1) Four months with Nicole, celebrated with Cheesecake Factory!
2) Having Alyssa and her level-head as my best friend
3) Finishing classes for the semester!
December 10:
1) Day-long contemplations on the disciples and their faithfulnes and love for Christ
2) SAI sisterhood time
3) God taking away my thoughts of loneliness
December 11:
1) The gift of music and the ability to sing for my Savior
2) The Bells and their hospitality and love towards us
3) First snow!
December 12:
1) Getting to reflect on the gift of Jesus's humanity during the music service at church
2) Nicole's love--and inspiring Christmas card :)
3) Warm blankets :)
December 13:
1) Extra-long phone call with my parents
2) Sharing music with the Girl Scouts
3) Bethany caring enough to ask about my heart hurts, even while writing a paper
December 14: Bethany helping me get to class today, and the friendship I have with her and Alex
December 15: Videos with Nicole and laughing till I cry
December 16: Getting to spend an entire, awesome day with Nicole cleaning, studying, signing, and ejoying our completion of the semester!
December 17: Music and car talk with my Daddy
December 18: Heart-talks and driving around with the Woof Pack
December 19: Realizing that crazy people aren't fully crazy, and that love remains, even when communication is rocky :)
December 20: Witnessing God's creativity in the lunar eclipse!
December 21: The special bond of inside jokes
December 22: Orval's compliment at church that turned my whole day around
December 23: Growing up with 2 Godly guys as my best friends :)
December 24: Christmas movie traditions with my Mom
December 25: Immanuel!
December 26: Friendship with Alyssa Laura King, and God's guidance through awkward conversations
December 27: The gifts of imagining, hoping, and dreaming
December 28: Getting the chance to be in the lives of Caitlin and Shawn
December 29: Good convos at church with the Uth
December 30: Catching up with some of my adopted grandmas :)
December 31: Coming safely through another year and decade
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