Today has been one of those days in which I just hurt. Not physically, but my heart aches. For the past few days, I've been struggling with those ugly uncertainties that creep up and attack when we least expect them. If you're a girl, you can relate. Maybe it's because I've just returned after a refreshing and life-giving visit home, but I have just felt worn down, unable, unvalued, ungraceful, less-than-beautiful. These moments of insecurity are rare, but when they hit, they hit hard.
I'm reading a book called "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Neiquist, and it's pretty amazing. In the book, she talks about an experience in which she moved into an old house, pretty worn down and in need of many repairs. She was excited about the house, until she visited a friend who lived in a brand new house. When she returned home, she looked at the house she once loved and saw all the damage and disrepair and brokenness that resided there. And she compared that old house to our lives: we strive to be the perfect house, when in reality we look more like the old, broken house. But God looks at us and says "Well, yeah, you are broken, and yeah, there's a lot of things we need to improve. But that will come in time, and you have to trust that I will guide you through those improvements. In the meantime, you still have purpose in sheltering the people within your walls. Stop trying to be like the new house, and fulfill your purpose as the old house, all the while trusting me to finish the work which I began in you."
I was reading in 1 Samuel, and came across a phrase I had never seen before. It was said by Abigail before she married David, and she said that his life would be "bound in the bundle of the living". Seemed like a strange saying, so I read the references to it in hopes of understanding better. According to my reference, this is a graphic Hebrew saying that was often found on Jewish tombstones and referring to life beyond the grave. It referred to the custom of binding valuable possessions to keep them from being broken or damaged. The picture is one of a precious jewel, carefully tied up in a bundle to remain secure and safe. Reading that description was one of those powerful "God-moments" in which I realized.....the Author of all things sees me as a jewel and desires to protect and secure my life, to heal my brokenness. Even though I am less than less than nothing compared to His glory, He still sees me, knows my name, and calls me beautiful and valuable even on days when I feel bland and useless.
I don't know why I so often forget it, but God is LOVE, and that love is given to me in abundance. If my life were a red solo cup, God's love is like a pitcher over the cup, watching it overflow, still not removing the pitcher, but letting it overflow instead until waterfalls are falling off the table and filling up the room. I am undeserving. I am loved. I am abundantly grateful.
And with that knowledge, my lungs fill up again, and I can sing back to my Creator and Sustainer. "Safe in the arms of Jesus, safe on His gentle breast/There by His love o'ershaded, sweetly my soul shall rest" or "And He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own/and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known". Or maybe "Should we with ink the ocean fill and ever sky a parchment made/were every stalk on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade/to write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry/Nor could the scroll contain the whole though stretched from sky to sky."
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
Names of God
Over the years, I have done several studies covering the names of God used in the Bible, and their relevance to us today. The past few days, I have been really struggling to keep my heart and mind focused on Jesus, so I decided to re-visit some of these studies, and simply say the names of my Savior in worship for who He is.
One interesting things about these names of God: in the Bible, people would often take the name of God, whether "El" or "Yahweh", and pair the name with a descriptive word that explained a certain characteristic of God. The following is the list that I have compiled from my studies, but I'm sure there are many more names of God listed. I have also listed the scriptural reference to the name, if possible:
Elohim= Triune God
El-Shaddai= God is enough; God is all powerful
El-Emet= God is true and dependable (Psalm 31:5)
El-Gibbon= Mighty God; heroic God (Isaiah 10:21)
El-De'a= God who knows (1 Samuel 2:3)
El-Kabod= God of glory (heaviness, weightiness) (Psalm 29:3)
El-Olam= God beyond what we can see
Yahweh= everlasting God (Genesis 21:33)
El Qanna= Jealous God (Deuteronomy 4:24)
El-Hay= Living God (Joshua 3:10)
El-Sela= God is my Rock (Psalm 42:9)
El-Nasa= God who forgives (Psalm 99:8)
El-Hayya= God of my life (Psalm 42:8)
El-Elyon= God most high (Genesis 14:22)
El-el= God above all gods (Daniel 11:36)
Adonai= God as authority/master
Immanuel= God with us (Isaiah 7:14)
Yahweh-jireh= the Lord will provide (Genesis 22:14)
Yahweh-rapha= the Lord who heals (Exodus 15:26)
Yahweh-tsedeq= the Lord our righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6)
Yahweh-nissi= the Lord our banner (Exodus 17:15)
Yahweh- qadesh= the Lord who sanctifies (Leviticus 20:8)
Yahweh-shalom= the Lord is peace (Judges 6:24)
Yahweh-rohi= the Lord is shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
Yahweh-ori= the Lord is my light (Psalm 27:1)
Yahweh-bara= the everlasting God (Isaiah 40:28)
Yahweh-sebaot= the Lord of hosts/armies (Jeremiah 11:20)
Yahweh-shamma= the Lord is there (Ezekiel 48:35)
Which name do you use to address God? Are there any good ones I missed? Let me know!
One interesting things about these names of God: in the Bible, people would often take the name of God, whether "El" or "Yahweh", and pair the name with a descriptive word that explained a certain characteristic of God. The following is the list that I have compiled from my studies, but I'm sure there are many more names of God listed. I have also listed the scriptural reference to the name, if possible:
Elohim= Triune God
El-Shaddai= God is enough; God is all powerful
El-Emet= God is true and dependable (Psalm 31:5)
El-Gibbon= Mighty God; heroic God (Isaiah 10:21)
El-De'a= God who knows (1 Samuel 2:3)
El-Kabod= God of glory (heaviness, weightiness) (Psalm 29:3)
El-Olam= God beyond what we can see
Yahweh= everlasting God (Genesis 21:33)
El Qanna= Jealous God (Deuteronomy 4:24)
El-Hay= Living God (Joshua 3:10)
El-Sela= God is my Rock (Psalm 42:9)
El-Nasa= God who forgives (Psalm 99:8)
El-Hayya= God of my life (Psalm 42:8)
El-Elyon= God most high (Genesis 14:22)
El-el= God above all gods (Daniel 11:36)
Adonai= God as authority/master
Immanuel= God with us (Isaiah 7:14)
Yahweh-jireh= the Lord will provide (Genesis 22:14)
Yahweh-rapha= the Lord who heals (Exodus 15:26)
Yahweh-tsedeq= the Lord our righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6)
Yahweh-nissi= the Lord our banner (Exodus 17:15)
Yahweh- qadesh= the Lord who sanctifies (Leviticus 20:8)
Yahweh-shalom= the Lord is peace (Judges 6:24)
Yahweh-rohi= the Lord is shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
Yahweh-ori= the Lord is my light (Psalm 27:1)
Yahweh-bara= the everlasting God (Isaiah 40:28)
Yahweh-sebaot= the Lord of hosts/armies (Jeremiah 11:20)
Yahweh-shamma= the Lord is there (Ezekiel 48:35)
Which name do you use to address God? Are there any good ones I missed? Let me know!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
San Diego Express 2012
Hey, everyone.
Once upon a time, I was really good at keeping blogs. For the past year or so, I have turned to journaling as my main outlet of expression, so a lot of times this blog gets put by the wayside. For those of you who follow me, thank you for caring and reading, even when I don't update as much as the average blog-writer.
Today, though, I am writing on here as a way of sharing some really important things that have happened in my life these past two weeks. I just returned from a 2-week stint in San Diego with Campus Crusade for Christ on a project entitled "San Diego Express". Finding this project was a bit of a journey. Long story short, I had a month of free time this summer, and I asked God to let me give that time back to Him. This project's goals were to work in the Mission Bay area of San Diego, sharing our faith and growing with other believers. Even though I attend Navigators at KU, I was accepted on this CRU trip and found myself on a plane really early in the morning on June 14 heading for California to meet up with a group of about 30 students that I had never met before.
When I first arrived in San Diego, I had a mild moment of heart failure. The airport was so big, and I had never flown alone. I had received a text from one of the staff regarding getting picked up, but that was also a daunting thought, of finding a stranger in the chaos and then riding along with them for the fifteen minute drive to our hotel. After a few moments of pep-talk, I found my ride, accompanied by a fellow music student who had flown in from Slippery Rock, PA (yes, that is a real place, apparently!). We got to chat on the ride to the Bahia, and my fears were erased. We checked in and found several other students waiting for our project to begin. One of the girls was from Oklahoma, and actually knew my friend, Tyler; I hoped we would be roommates so I would have at least something to talk about with someone else. The rooms were assigned, and I was not with this girl, but rather with 5 other girls that I had not previously met from so many different places.
God was working that out, too, purposefully placing me with those who would help me most to grow, and over the course of two-weeks, each of those 5 girls truly became soul-sisters, changing my life forever and letting my heart expand to include more friends in my "people place". I could go off on a tangent listing all of our inside jokes and what each and every one of these ladies means to me, but that's not the point of this blog. The point that they have in the story is just adding to how amazing God was to put us in a room together, and to allow us to grow together. Even though we only spent 2 weeks together, I feel as though I know and love my project roommate soul-sisters just as much as I know and love my heart-sisters, whom I have known for the better part of my life. There were several times when the 6 of us did not really get to interact with the rest of the students as much, but even in those times staying alone together, we bonded and got to glorify God through our budding friendships. Allison, Brittnie, Chelsea, Danielle, Maggie....seriously, my heart aches a little writing this, already missing our awesome room, yet I am excited to see our friendships continue.
Anyways, continuing with the story of project...
The first evening of project brought our first experience of learning about the Spirit, demonstrated by all project attendees learning to line-dance. I don't really know what's crazier, the fact that a huge group of people was learning how to dance to country music behind a hotel, or the fact that a girl from Oklahoma-Kansas had to go to San Diego to acquire such a skill. Either way, we learned and had a really fun time doing it! The Spirit-filled life is more like line-dancing than just getting instructions on what line-dancing is: I can tell you how to dance, but until you actually experience it and try it, the words will mean nothing. That experience was the first of many geared towards thinking about and experiencing the Spirit-filled life; every morning we would have worship followed by lessons on the Spirit; in the evenings we would have more experiential learning opportunities paired with guest speakers or small group processing time. It still boggles my mind how much I learned in just two weeks. I grew up in church, and have always heard about the Spirit as a member of the Trinity, but I had never really realized just how important His role is in our lives as believers. Before Jesus died on the cross, He told the disciples that His departure was for their benefit. After all, when He left, He would send a Comforter to them. That Comforter is the Holy Spirit, and He is essentially God, living in us, to work through us for His glory and to guide our steps to align with His. What an amazing thought!
As we learned about the Spirit and how to share our faith with others, we would pair up and go out to meet people and, well, share! The first day going out, I had NO idea what I was doing. I had tried to share my faith before, but it was largely unsuccessful. I paired up with Matt, and off we went! To my surprise, we didn't get any flat out rejections to talk with people on the beach. Our first discussion was with a husband and wife, and we talked to them about spiritual things for an hour and a half. It was a really amazing experience, and I could feel the Spirit working through Matt and I: whenever I would be at a loss for words, Matt would speak up, and later I learned that he felt the same way with me. Even if nothing came from it, we got to meet two new people and spark up some really interesting thoughts. After we left them, we decided to go up and down the beach to find someone else to talk with. We walked everywhere and found nobody, so we stopped and prayed for guidance, specifically, that the Spirit would lead us to the person we were supposed to talk to, and that we would know because both of us would be convicted. Said amen, turned around, and there was a guy in a beach chair we must have walked right past but never seen. Talked to him for a little bit, he was...eccentric, to say the least. But I think it was an experience that God used to show us both how the Spirit could and would work in our lives if we let Him lead.
After that first day, sharing became easier, and almost essential to my life. There was one day in which my new partner and I didn't get to talk to anybody except one fellow Christian. At the end of that day, I was so frustrated and upset that I hadn't shared the name of my sweet Savior. But then I thought about all the days of my life that have gone by in which I haven't spoken the name of Jesus...and it was a humbling moment. I realized that, with the Spirit in control of my life, I truly wanted to share, more than anything in the world.
Some days, I'm pretty sure that the people God sent us to were more for our benefit that theirs. One such day came when we were sharing at San Diego State University. I was with my dear friend Maggie, and we decided to follow the sound of drums coming from a building, which happened to be the music building, which seemed to make perfect sense since I am a music student. We circled multiple times before finally deciding to stop and talk to a guy and girl sitting on a bench...who told us we were the third group to come by and try to share Jesus with them that day. To our joy, they were both believers, and we enjoyed conversation with each other. The guy was a Messianic Jew, and hearing his perspective and love for God really opened both Maggie's and mine eyes. What I'm about to say is completely wrong; I realize that now and am grateful that God has been opening my eyes to bigger pictures. But a lot of the times, when we imagine heaven, we see it as including a lot of people very much like us, with similar backgrounds and customs. Not only is this ignorant, it's unbiblical as well. God loves the nations, and when we get to heaven, it will be full of people of all nations and tongues, worshiping together before the throne of God. How refreshing for us to stumble upon two fellow Christians with different perspectives and backgrounds, but still in love with and in relationship with God!
This was just one of many experiences in which God expanded my view of His heart for people. One afternoon, I was with my friend, Amy, walking through the park looking for people to talk with. As we were walking, Amy spotted a homeless man standing in the field. We headed over to talk with him, and he shared that he was 24 days sober, and that yesterday had been his birthday and the first time in 30 years where he had been sober on his birthday. As we were talking, I couldn't help but wonder why we were there. Then Amy asked if there was anything we could pray with him about, and his face lit up in a smile. He basically told us that he has been having terrible withdrawal symptoms, but the only time that they go away is when he is talking with God. He professed a faith in God, and we prayed with this brother in Christ that his shakes would go away, and that he would have the strength to stay sober. We gave him a hug, wished him a good day. Did I really think I would ever be standing in a park hugging a homeless man? No. But the fact is, as a fellow follower of Jesus, He is my brother. God has placed no limits on people based on socioeconomic status, and neither should I. Another really neat reminder of God's heart for the nations came on our last Sunday, worshiping at Harbor Church Mid-City. This body of worshipers meets at a local high school, located between the rich and the poor neighborhoods of this area of San Diego. Not sure of the exact details, but basically, this church is located right in the middle of a huge mix of different cultures and socioeconomic statuses amongst it's members. We spent all day Saturday doing community service around the building, and then returned on Sunday for worship. I have never been to a multicultural church, but it was probably one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. There we were, so many believers gathered together, singing "You're Beautiful" to God in different languages. It took my breath away, and made me homesick for heaven, and the chance to someday sing of God's glory with people of every nation and language and color and background. If I didn't have a worldview before this trip, I definitely did now.
Just one more sharing story that really influenced my time in San Diego...One day, our mission was to get on the trains in groups, take the rail all the way down to the border of Mexico, then return, with the purpose being to talk with people we met on the train. For the first few stops, my group had little luck in finding people to talk to. Then, a girl who looked like Rebecca St. James boarded the train carrying a gigantic surfboard in a bag on her back. She told us that her name was Camilla, her religion was surfing, and that her goal was to go as far south as she possibly could until she found a beach with waves to ride. She was spirited, optimistic...and completely alone. I talked to her for awhile, and she said that our group was the first encounter she had on her journey with kind people. I tried to go deeper in spiritual conversations, but she was very focused on her journey, looking ahead while still politely talking with me. As we parted, I gave her one of our "Knowing God Personally" booklets with my email on it, and watched as she headed to the border check to enter Mexico. I know it sounds crazy, and I don't really understand it myself, but meeting Camilla for that brief encounter absolutely broke my heart. I thought about how alone she was, how much hurt she must have encountered in her life to get her to this point, and the fact that, even as she walked away, she did not know of the love of Jesus and how much He desires her heart. That was almost two weeks ago, and I still find myself at times feeling burdened for my surfer friend, and have to lift her up before God. I don't know where her life will take her, or if we will ever meet again, but I rest in knowing that the same God with me now also sees and loves her. After that experience, and the expansion of my knowledge of God's heart for the nations, I realized that I had no excuse not to follow what God is calling me to do.
I've mentioned it before, and if you have been in my life the past 6 months, you have probably heard me blabbering about my future plans. The fact is, about a year ago, God began changing my stubborn, stony heart, and making me realize that the story He is writing for me is so much better than anything I could ever write on my own. And, to make a long story short, I realized that, while I love my major of music therapy and hope to someday work in a children's hospital, those plans are not exactly what God wants for me right now. I believe that, instead, God is calling me to some kind of ministry. When I first started asking God to replace my dreams with His dreams for me, this was the result. I was wrestling with my future, and couldn't deny that the life I had imagined for myself just was not in align with these bigger dreams from God, but I still could not totally surrender to this calling. I would say things like, "I mean, I'd like to do ministry, but I will probably just end up in OKC doing therapy" or "Maybe I can just do something at the church I end up attending instead". While on project, I wrestled with so many different things: Feelings of awkwardness and self-consciousness, realizations of inadequacy, fears about telling my family of my plans, uncertainty about which paths to take. Through it all, God whispered to my heart, reminding me that my adequacy came from Him alone, that He called me beautiful and called me to follow, that fear was just an excuse to not obey, and that, no matter what may befall, He would never leave or forsake me. With all these lessons, and the loving support of my project family, I can now say that I have surrendered to a year of ministry after college, and am beyond excited to see where God will take me and use me for His glory. That may be anything from working in a campus ministry in America, or taking an I-Edge or STINT year to France. I don't have all the answers yet, but I trust that as I continue walking in the Spirit, He will lead me where I need to be. God told me to follow, and so I will. In the meantime, I plan on sharing my faith with any that I may encounter, and trusting the Spirit to guide and control my life. As I have often said before, I am beyond excited about this "bend in the road", and seeing where my life will end up as I continue the journey.
Well, I'm not really sure how to end this novel, so I will just express my gratitude for each and every one of you for caring enough to take a peek into my life. I will try to be better about writing more often for updates. I covet your prayers in this next season of my life, and I would love to join you in prayer if there is anything I can help with. Have a blessed and beautiful day :)
Katie
Once upon a time, I was really good at keeping blogs. For the past year or so, I have turned to journaling as my main outlet of expression, so a lot of times this blog gets put by the wayside. For those of you who follow me, thank you for caring and reading, even when I don't update as much as the average blog-writer.
Today, though, I am writing on here as a way of sharing some really important things that have happened in my life these past two weeks. I just returned from a 2-week stint in San Diego with Campus Crusade for Christ on a project entitled "San Diego Express". Finding this project was a bit of a journey. Long story short, I had a month of free time this summer, and I asked God to let me give that time back to Him. This project's goals were to work in the Mission Bay area of San Diego, sharing our faith and growing with other believers. Even though I attend Navigators at KU, I was accepted on this CRU trip and found myself on a plane really early in the morning on June 14 heading for California to meet up with a group of about 30 students that I had never met before.
When I first arrived in San Diego, I had a mild moment of heart failure. The airport was so big, and I had never flown alone. I had received a text from one of the staff regarding getting picked up, but that was also a daunting thought, of finding a stranger in the chaos and then riding along with them for the fifteen minute drive to our hotel. After a few moments of pep-talk, I found my ride, accompanied by a fellow music student who had flown in from Slippery Rock, PA (yes, that is a real place, apparently!). We got to chat on the ride to the Bahia, and my fears were erased. We checked in and found several other students waiting for our project to begin. One of the girls was from Oklahoma, and actually knew my friend, Tyler; I hoped we would be roommates so I would have at least something to talk about with someone else. The rooms were assigned, and I was not with this girl, but rather with 5 other girls that I had not previously met from so many different places.
God was working that out, too, purposefully placing me with those who would help me most to grow, and over the course of two-weeks, each of those 5 girls truly became soul-sisters, changing my life forever and letting my heart expand to include more friends in my "people place". I could go off on a tangent listing all of our inside jokes and what each and every one of these ladies means to me, but that's not the point of this blog. The point that they have in the story is just adding to how amazing God was to put us in a room together, and to allow us to grow together. Even though we only spent 2 weeks together, I feel as though I know and love my project roommate soul-sisters just as much as I know and love my heart-sisters, whom I have known for the better part of my life. There were several times when the 6 of us did not really get to interact with the rest of the students as much, but even in those times staying alone together, we bonded and got to glorify God through our budding friendships. Allison, Brittnie, Chelsea, Danielle, Maggie....seriously, my heart aches a little writing this, already missing our awesome room, yet I am excited to see our friendships continue.
Anyways, continuing with the story of project...
The first evening of project brought our first experience of learning about the Spirit, demonstrated by all project attendees learning to line-dance. I don't really know what's crazier, the fact that a huge group of people was learning how to dance to country music behind a hotel, or the fact that a girl from Oklahoma-Kansas had to go to San Diego to acquire such a skill. Either way, we learned and had a really fun time doing it! The Spirit-filled life is more like line-dancing than just getting instructions on what line-dancing is: I can tell you how to dance, but until you actually experience it and try it, the words will mean nothing. That experience was the first of many geared towards thinking about and experiencing the Spirit-filled life; every morning we would have worship followed by lessons on the Spirit; in the evenings we would have more experiential learning opportunities paired with guest speakers or small group processing time. It still boggles my mind how much I learned in just two weeks. I grew up in church, and have always heard about the Spirit as a member of the Trinity, but I had never really realized just how important His role is in our lives as believers. Before Jesus died on the cross, He told the disciples that His departure was for their benefit. After all, when He left, He would send a Comforter to them. That Comforter is the Holy Spirit, and He is essentially God, living in us, to work through us for His glory and to guide our steps to align with His. What an amazing thought!
As we learned about the Spirit and how to share our faith with others, we would pair up and go out to meet people and, well, share! The first day going out, I had NO idea what I was doing. I had tried to share my faith before, but it was largely unsuccessful. I paired up with Matt, and off we went! To my surprise, we didn't get any flat out rejections to talk with people on the beach. Our first discussion was with a husband and wife, and we talked to them about spiritual things for an hour and a half. It was a really amazing experience, and I could feel the Spirit working through Matt and I: whenever I would be at a loss for words, Matt would speak up, and later I learned that he felt the same way with me. Even if nothing came from it, we got to meet two new people and spark up some really interesting thoughts. After we left them, we decided to go up and down the beach to find someone else to talk with. We walked everywhere and found nobody, so we stopped and prayed for guidance, specifically, that the Spirit would lead us to the person we were supposed to talk to, and that we would know because both of us would be convicted. Said amen, turned around, and there was a guy in a beach chair we must have walked right past but never seen. Talked to him for a little bit, he was...eccentric, to say the least. But I think it was an experience that God used to show us both how the Spirit could and would work in our lives if we let Him lead.
After that first day, sharing became easier, and almost essential to my life. There was one day in which my new partner and I didn't get to talk to anybody except one fellow Christian. At the end of that day, I was so frustrated and upset that I hadn't shared the name of my sweet Savior. But then I thought about all the days of my life that have gone by in which I haven't spoken the name of Jesus...and it was a humbling moment. I realized that, with the Spirit in control of my life, I truly wanted to share, more than anything in the world.
Some days, I'm pretty sure that the people God sent us to were more for our benefit that theirs. One such day came when we were sharing at San Diego State University. I was with my dear friend Maggie, and we decided to follow the sound of drums coming from a building, which happened to be the music building, which seemed to make perfect sense since I am a music student. We circled multiple times before finally deciding to stop and talk to a guy and girl sitting on a bench...who told us we were the third group to come by and try to share Jesus with them that day. To our joy, they were both believers, and we enjoyed conversation with each other. The guy was a Messianic Jew, and hearing his perspective and love for God really opened both Maggie's and mine eyes. What I'm about to say is completely wrong; I realize that now and am grateful that God has been opening my eyes to bigger pictures. But a lot of the times, when we imagine heaven, we see it as including a lot of people very much like us, with similar backgrounds and customs. Not only is this ignorant, it's unbiblical as well. God loves the nations, and when we get to heaven, it will be full of people of all nations and tongues, worshiping together before the throne of God. How refreshing for us to stumble upon two fellow Christians with different perspectives and backgrounds, but still in love with and in relationship with God!
This was just one of many experiences in which God expanded my view of His heart for people. One afternoon, I was with my friend, Amy, walking through the park looking for people to talk with. As we were walking, Amy spotted a homeless man standing in the field. We headed over to talk with him, and he shared that he was 24 days sober, and that yesterday had been his birthday and the first time in 30 years where he had been sober on his birthday. As we were talking, I couldn't help but wonder why we were there. Then Amy asked if there was anything we could pray with him about, and his face lit up in a smile. He basically told us that he has been having terrible withdrawal symptoms, but the only time that they go away is when he is talking with God. He professed a faith in God, and we prayed with this brother in Christ that his shakes would go away, and that he would have the strength to stay sober. We gave him a hug, wished him a good day. Did I really think I would ever be standing in a park hugging a homeless man? No. But the fact is, as a fellow follower of Jesus, He is my brother. God has placed no limits on people based on socioeconomic status, and neither should I. Another really neat reminder of God's heart for the nations came on our last Sunday, worshiping at Harbor Church Mid-City. This body of worshipers meets at a local high school, located between the rich and the poor neighborhoods of this area of San Diego. Not sure of the exact details, but basically, this church is located right in the middle of a huge mix of different cultures and socioeconomic statuses amongst it's members. We spent all day Saturday doing community service around the building, and then returned on Sunday for worship. I have never been to a multicultural church, but it was probably one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. There we were, so many believers gathered together, singing "You're Beautiful" to God in different languages. It took my breath away, and made me homesick for heaven, and the chance to someday sing of God's glory with people of every nation and language and color and background. If I didn't have a worldview before this trip, I definitely did now.
Just one more sharing story that really influenced my time in San Diego...One day, our mission was to get on the trains in groups, take the rail all the way down to the border of Mexico, then return, with the purpose being to talk with people we met on the train. For the first few stops, my group had little luck in finding people to talk to. Then, a girl who looked like Rebecca St. James boarded the train carrying a gigantic surfboard in a bag on her back. She told us that her name was Camilla, her religion was surfing, and that her goal was to go as far south as she possibly could until she found a beach with waves to ride. She was spirited, optimistic...and completely alone. I talked to her for awhile, and she said that our group was the first encounter she had on her journey with kind people. I tried to go deeper in spiritual conversations, but she was very focused on her journey, looking ahead while still politely talking with me. As we parted, I gave her one of our "Knowing God Personally" booklets with my email on it, and watched as she headed to the border check to enter Mexico. I know it sounds crazy, and I don't really understand it myself, but meeting Camilla for that brief encounter absolutely broke my heart. I thought about how alone she was, how much hurt she must have encountered in her life to get her to this point, and the fact that, even as she walked away, she did not know of the love of Jesus and how much He desires her heart. That was almost two weeks ago, and I still find myself at times feeling burdened for my surfer friend, and have to lift her up before God. I don't know where her life will take her, or if we will ever meet again, but I rest in knowing that the same God with me now also sees and loves her. After that experience, and the expansion of my knowledge of God's heart for the nations, I realized that I had no excuse not to follow what God is calling me to do.
I've mentioned it before, and if you have been in my life the past 6 months, you have probably heard me blabbering about my future plans. The fact is, about a year ago, God began changing my stubborn, stony heart, and making me realize that the story He is writing for me is so much better than anything I could ever write on my own. And, to make a long story short, I realized that, while I love my major of music therapy and hope to someday work in a children's hospital, those plans are not exactly what God wants for me right now. I believe that, instead, God is calling me to some kind of ministry. When I first started asking God to replace my dreams with His dreams for me, this was the result. I was wrestling with my future, and couldn't deny that the life I had imagined for myself just was not in align with these bigger dreams from God, but I still could not totally surrender to this calling. I would say things like, "I mean, I'd like to do ministry, but I will probably just end up in OKC doing therapy" or "Maybe I can just do something at the church I end up attending instead". While on project, I wrestled with so many different things: Feelings of awkwardness and self-consciousness, realizations of inadequacy, fears about telling my family of my plans, uncertainty about which paths to take. Through it all, God whispered to my heart, reminding me that my adequacy came from Him alone, that He called me beautiful and called me to follow, that fear was just an excuse to not obey, and that, no matter what may befall, He would never leave or forsake me. With all these lessons, and the loving support of my project family, I can now say that I have surrendered to a year of ministry after college, and am beyond excited to see where God will take me and use me for His glory. That may be anything from working in a campus ministry in America, or taking an I-Edge or STINT year to France. I don't have all the answers yet, but I trust that as I continue walking in the Spirit, He will lead me where I need to be. God told me to follow, and so I will. In the meantime, I plan on sharing my faith with any that I may encounter, and trusting the Spirit to guide and control my life. As I have often said before, I am beyond excited about this "bend in the road", and seeing where my life will end up as I continue the journey.
Well, I'm not really sure how to end this novel, so I will just express my gratitude for each and every one of you for caring enough to take a peek into my life. I will try to be better about writing more often for updates. I covet your prayers in this next season of my life, and I would love to join you in prayer if there is anything I can help with. Have a blessed and beautiful day :)
Katie
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The Story
This is a blog meant to be a shameless plug for something I just discovered that I think you should also discover and LOVE.
We've all heard from people who have said that the Bible is just "too hard to understand". Maybe you're even one of those people who have expressed this belief.
Well....good news! Randy Frazee and Max Lucado have written a book called "The Story". Basically, they realized that the Gospel is being overlooked by people all over the world due to a belief in lack of accessibility. In response, these authors took 31 "chapters" of the history of the story of God-and-man and put the scriptures together to create a seamless story of the Bible. It's the Bible in a compact, concise, straightforward fashion. In addition to telling the story, each chapter has vocabulary words and maps at the end of the chapters to better explain the story in order to make it come to life. I'm not saying that this is an excuse to not read your Bible--after all, this book does not have every detail, and every word of scripture is inspired by God and for His glory. However, this is a good place to return to the basics, fall back in love with the Word, and learn how to effectively share this story with others.
Another fun aspect of this is an album entitled "Music Inspired by The Story". I downloaded it today and cannot help but be amazed at how beautiful it is. Nichole Nordeman wrote the lyrics, and the album spans the Bible, giving voice to individual characters who sing their stories through song. From Adam and Eve to David to Esther to Job to Mary to Jesus to Paul.....characters we have heard about from Sunday School are given a voice. The lyrics are breathtaking and portray so many facets of a greater story, the Story of God-and-man.
Check it out. Be amazed.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Why We Need More Skydivers.
I really, really, REALLY hate segregation.
I hate partiality. I hate in-groups/out-groups, the "you can't sit with us" concept that seems to appear so often in social settings.
I hate it the most, though, when these attitudes occur among Christians.
There have been so many times in my college career in which I have gone to events hosted by Christian groups, attempted to join other members in conversation, and have been completely blocked out from the "in-group" of "accepting Christians". It's true, I am quite different from the average 21-year old, Christian college student. Though I am a female, I am not an elementary education major, I will not get married right out of college (or anytime soon, or maybe ever), I am seriously considering doing overseas missions or service before actually starting my career, and I am friends with a broad group of people from different races and religions, atheists, and even (gasp) members of the LGBT community. My life has not exactly conformed to the dreams of those in the in-group. Maybe this is the reason that I often leave Christian group gatherings feeling frustrated and awkward, unsure of how to break through the invisible barriers of iciness present.
So often, I will get on Facebook or Twitter or any other site and see people bashing Christianity. It makes me really upset, because even though this post has been in a more pessimistic feel to it so far, I am proud to say that I am a follower of Christ. I believe that every word in the Bible is true. I believe that Jesus died so that I could be redeemed. I believe in a God of grace and love. The older I get and the more I learn, the more I realize that Paul's words "to live is Christ and to die is gain" are pretty accurate reflections of my own thoughts and dreams: I must live my life for Christ, and if living for Christ means giving my life, I know that I will see my Creator in glory with my next breath. My relationship with Christ defines who I am, and so it does offend me when Christianity gets bashed. But then I look at my own struggles with the Christian "in-groups", and I can understand why Christians are viewed in a negative light, why so many people have stated offense at the name of Jesus.
The problem can be explained through a demonstration I read from Charlie Peacock. Imagine that Christianity is an airplane that can go around the world forever without needing fuel or anything. All your life, you have been on this plane, and the people riding the plane with you are quick to tell you how the world outside the airplane is evil, corrupt, and nothing you should ever desire to see. Granted, the people riding on this airplane have never seen beyond their tiny window portal. But they know exactly what they are talking about. They are experts at safety, and they have their aisle-seat friends to back up all that they contribute to the conversation.
As you grow up, though, you begin wondering more and more about the world seen from your window portal.
At first you keep your thoughts to yourself. No need to upset the balance of happiness and safety. But, look! Wayyyy down there. Is that water? Is that land? Your breath is captured with beauty, and you realize you have to jump. You pray, and realize that God is actually encouraging you to take the plunge.
You run down the aisle of the airplane, grab a parachute, fling open the door, and leap.
And you know what? The people on the airplane were right....on some things. There is pain and sin and sadness in the world. But now that you are outside of the airplane, you can see that the people on the airplane also got a lot of things wrong. There are people here in the real world, and they are there for you to interact with, get to know, love, serve. The world is full of beauty and unique things and places that could not be viewed from the airplane. The times in which fear or danger are present really aren't so bad--after all, in those moments of panic or extreme faith, you are knowing God on a deeper level than you ever could have from the plane's security.
So with this story in mind.........I propose that what Christianity needs are more skydivers. More people who are willing to step outside of their comfort zones to go out, see the world, and love people outside of their select safety net of friends. More people who will join with other members of humanity without being afraid of getting dirty or corrupted. Christianity needs more love, more grace, more action than it needs words. After all, we claim to serve Jesus, and the Jesus of the Bible is not a "holier-than-thou" white man who ministered to those people sporting His t-shirts.
No, the Jesus of the Bible is a radical who reached out to the poor, the destitute, the sinners, the downtrodden, etc. and loved them all with an everlasting love through compassion, service, and grace.
Which Jesus do you follow? The Jesus created by the strict laws of man in order to create webs of safety, or the Jesus who gave His life for ALL people of ALL nations and ALL backgrounds? Ask yourself this question the next time you are hanging out with your exclusively Christian in-group friends.
And maybe take a leap of faith to go talk to the quiet girl sitting by herself instead of leaving her behind the icy barrier.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)