Saturday, 12/11/10
Thank You for this morning, for my warm bed as the wind rages outside...thank You for giving me a fresh perspective on an old Bible story yesterday that stayed with me all day. I finished John, and reading made me really sympathetic with the disciples. They were probably just teenagers when called--young and curious about the new adventures presented by this Rabbi Jesus...so they followed. Did they know how drastically their lives would change? Did they fully realize the cost of following? Did they expect to fall passionately in love with their Teacher as they realized more and more how He truly was "I AM", Messiah, and the One who had breathed life into their souls and formed them deep enough to dream? In several instances of the Bible, various disciples have "aha" moments where their vision is made a little clearer as they discern more about their Beloved. (What a wonderful concept! Please continue filling my life with those "aha" moments; may Your wonders never cease!)
The part of John that really broke my heart for the disciples came after the crucifixion. I can't imagine their devastation as everything they believed in came crumbling down at a time when their lives were most endangered. On the opposite side, I can't imagine how close-to-bursting they felt when the veil was finally lifted from their understanding and they saw the resurrected Christ in their midst. How joyful the would be to see Him throughout the next month and feel complete adoration for their friend as He spoke their names, ate breakfast with them, laughed with the,...
Then, I think of Jesus ascending. What a bittersweet moment for the disciples! They got to see Him fulfilling all He had promised, but...I feel as though His absence would have broken their hearts, filled their very souls with longing. The One they loved had returned to heaven, and though they knew He was living, they must have had the most severe case of homesickness ever known to humanity as they desired the presence of their Teacher and the yet-unseen face of the Father...
Just imagining their homesickness breaks my heart and makes me absolutely desperate to see Your face. I know You are here with me, but when do I get to be with You? I know that this homesickness I feel is Your way of telling me this world is not where I belong, and that You have a better place for me. Until the day I can be there with You, keep my homesickness alive, and help me to fall more deeply in love with You as You reveal Yourself more and more to my heart...
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
What Love Looks Like
Throughout my life, I have had different definitions of love. As a small child, "love" probably defined the emotion felt for my parents or my dog. In junior high/high school, "love" probably described the emotion felt for my best guy friends (or other crush at the time). In later high school, "love" probably described my friendships.
I've never realized how varied my definitions of love have been until recently. At the beginning of this semester, my life was overtaken by one of those "life-storms" in which everything you know gets tossed around and questioned. People that I would have once defined as Love were no longer necessarily...love. Suddenly, my heart was hurting like never before, and I questioned truth in every area of life. My heart began to heal in November, and I knew that the healing brought with it a feeling of gratitude, but I didn't know why.
On the first of December, I decided to begin a study of the gospels to really discover who Christ was, and how his transformation to humanity completely revolutionized all of history. I began in the book of John, since I had recently read Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Now, in all honesty, John is a little tricky to read. Most of my Bible is highlighted and underlined on every page, but John has few blemishes. The writing is so analytical, so beautiful, that sometimes meaning is difficult to discern. As I began to read, though, I determined to understand and get a glimpse at the man who was Jesus Christ.
Before beginning, I read my Bible's preface to the book. It explained how John wrote the chronicle as a testimony to Jesus's God-ness and humanity. He gathered first-hand accounts of interactions with this Man as a way to prove to Gentile and Jew alike that this Man really was the One He claimed to be.
I have read John multiple times, but I had never realized the background behind the book. Suddenly, I could not stop thinking about those eyewitness accounts as I read. Can you imagine actually seeing God in human form? Can you imagine walking beside Him, hearing Him laugh, and watching as He healed those around you?
Would I have liked Him? And--more importantly in my mind's pathway--would He like me?
After a week of reading John, I picked up the book Blue Like Jazz to finish the book for our Band Bible Study (If you haven't read it, I greatly encourage it!). The last chapter was entitled Jesus: The lines on His face, and reading it connected the thoughts I had hardly dared to think about the humanity of Christ and literally placed my thoughts directly on the page of the book.
I imagine what would happen if I was walking down Mass Street and saw Jesus sitting at a table outside of Chipotle. I just know in my heart that I would like Him from the start. He would ask me to come over, take a seat, share some chips and salsa, and then ask me to tell Him my life story. Because of my instinctive liking of Him, I would begin to tell Him EVERYTHING. I would start with all of the good things that have happened in my life and all the awesome things of which I have been a part. In my mind's eye, I can clearly see Him smiling along with me and rejoicing with me over all the victories that have occurred in my life. After we celebrated together, my monologue would taper down, and He would urge me to continue. I would shyly begin to tell Him all the dark parts of my life. He would sit quietly as I told Him all the times that my heart has been broken, all the times that I have been wronged or hurt or scared. Tears would be in my eyes as my hurting heart told of the wrongs encountered, but to my dismay, when I would look up, tears would be streaming down His face as well. He would reach out to hold me in His arms, and we would cry together. Once all my tears had been cried out, He would look into my eyes and ask me with a pained look if there were anything else He should know about my life. Ashamedly, I would have to tell Him of all the times that I had failed Him, all the times I had lashed out in anger, all the times I had spoken ill of another human being, all the times where I had chosen my sinful ways over His ideals for my life. I would look up in shame and see the pain etched on His face, and I would feel my heart ache as I realized that I was the one who had caused that pain. I would push my chair away from the table and turn to leave, but He would grab my hand and ask if He could now have a turn to talk? I would sit back down, wary of what He would say.
He would begin by telling me who He is. I can't even wrap my mind around this concept, so I can't even imagine what He would tell me. He would reveal His omnipotence, His omniscience. I would be in awe, unable to even remember the life-story I had told Him previously. He would then tell me of the ways in which He had always been walking by my side, guiding my every step and protecting me. He would tell me how He was the reason for the healing and peace I felt, and He was the One who was lavishing me in love and providing joy and purpose for my life. Then He would tell me that, in all these years of looking to find love and feeling as though I had to discover it.....all this time, He was love. And He had been there from the second I was created.
Ever since I began envisioning this conversation with Jesus, my heart has been breaking with longing--not for another human being, but for my Savior. In Blue Like Jazz, Don Miller states"I think the most important thing that happens within Christian spirituality is when a person falls in love with Jesus." For most of my life, I have claimed to love Jesus. But now.....I am in love.
And when you love someone, it makes all the difference. My heart longs to see Him face-to-face, and I am left breathless as I think about how much greater His love is for me.
This is what love looks like.
I've never realized how varied my definitions of love have been until recently. At the beginning of this semester, my life was overtaken by one of those "life-storms" in which everything you know gets tossed around and questioned. People that I would have once defined as Love were no longer necessarily...love. Suddenly, my heart was hurting like never before, and I questioned truth in every area of life. My heart began to heal in November, and I knew that the healing brought with it a feeling of gratitude, but I didn't know why.
On the first of December, I decided to begin a study of the gospels to really discover who Christ was, and how his transformation to humanity completely revolutionized all of history. I began in the book of John, since I had recently read Matthew, Mark, and Luke. Now, in all honesty, John is a little tricky to read. Most of my Bible is highlighted and underlined on every page, but John has few blemishes. The writing is so analytical, so beautiful, that sometimes meaning is difficult to discern. As I began to read, though, I determined to understand and get a glimpse at the man who was Jesus Christ.
Before beginning, I read my Bible's preface to the book. It explained how John wrote the chronicle as a testimony to Jesus's God-ness and humanity. He gathered first-hand accounts of interactions with this Man as a way to prove to Gentile and Jew alike that this Man really was the One He claimed to be.
I have read John multiple times, but I had never realized the background behind the book. Suddenly, I could not stop thinking about those eyewitness accounts as I read. Can you imagine actually seeing God in human form? Can you imagine walking beside Him, hearing Him laugh, and watching as He healed those around you?
Would I have liked Him? And--more importantly in my mind's pathway--would He like me?
After a week of reading John, I picked up the book Blue Like Jazz to finish the book for our Band Bible Study (If you haven't read it, I greatly encourage it!). The last chapter was entitled Jesus: The lines on His face, and reading it connected the thoughts I had hardly dared to think about the humanity of Christ and literally placed my thoughts directly on the page of the book.
I imagine what would happen if I was walking down Mass Street and saw Jesus sitting at a table outside of Chipotle. I just know in my heart that I would like Him from the start. He would ask me to come over, take a seat, share some chips and salsa, and then ask me to tell Him my life story. Because of my instinctive liking of Him, I would begin to tell Him EVERYTHING. I would start with all of the good things that have happened in my life and all the awesome things of which I have been a part. In my mind's eye, I can clearly see Him smiling along with me and rejoicing with me over all the victories that have occurred in my life. After we celebrated together, my monologue would taper down, and He would urge me to continue. I would shyly begin to tell Him all the dark parts of my life. He would sit quietly as I told Him all the times that my heart has been broken, all the times that I have been wronged or hurt or scared. Tears would be in my eyes as my hurting heart told of the wrongs encountered, but to my dismay, when I would look up, tears would be streaming down His face as well. He would reach out to hold me in His arms, and we would cry together. Once all my tears had been cried out, He would look into my eyes and ask me with a pained look if there were anything else He should know about my life. Ashamedly, I would have to tell Him of all the times that I had failed Him, all the times I had lashed out in anger, all the times I had spoken ill of another human being, all the times where I had chosen my sinful ways over His ideals for my life. I would look up in shame and see the pain etched on His face, and I would feel my heart ache as I realized that I was the one who had caused that pain. I would push my chair away from the table and turn to leave, but He would grab my hand and ask if He could now have a turn to talk? I would sit back down, wary of what He would say.
He would begin by telling me who He is. I can't even wrap my mind around this concept, so I can't even imagine what He would tell me. He would reveal His omnipotence, His omniscience. I would be in awe, unable to even remember the life-story I had told Him previously. He would then tell me of the ways in which He had always been walking by my side, guiding my every step and protecting me. He would tell me how He was the reason for the healing and peace I felt, and He was the One who was lavishing me in love and providing joy and purpose for my life. Then He would tell me that, in all these years of looking to find love and feeling as though I had to discover it.....all this time, He was love. And He had been there from the second I was created.
Ever since I began envisioning this conversation with Jesus, my heart has been breaking with longing--not for another human being, but for my Savior. In Blue Like Jazz, Don Miller states"I think the most important thing that happens within Christian spirituality is when a person falls in love with Jesus." For most of my life, I have claimed to love Jesus. But now.....I am in love.
And when you love someone, it makes all the difference. My heart longs to see Him face-to-face, and I am left breathless as I think about how much greater His love is for me.
This is what love looks like.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
And I Wouldn't Change a Thing...
Tonight, I attended the Hanging of the Green at my church here in Lawrence, FSBC. This is a tradition in which the church family gets together on the first Sunday night of December to enjoy each other's company and decorate the sanctuary as we prepare our hearts for the Christmas season. It's a little bit cheesy, but I have loved it both years that I have attended. There's just something about the songs describing the simplistic arrival of the Savior of the world sung amongst fellow believers that makes my heart melt in gratitude and praise.
As I sat in the audience tonight, my heart traveled down many pathways of thought as I became still and let God fill my mind with His awesomeness. I thought back to where I was this time last year, and how different my life is from what I thought it would be even a year ago. So many times in my life, I have firmly believed that I had my entire life planned out, but God always has plans far greater than my own. In this past year, I have been challenged in my beliefs more than I ever believed possible. I lost many dear friendships that I had put too much faith into. I discovered the bad-parts of me, my faults and fears, and had to face them and learn to be better at this whole "human" thing.
Yet, I wouldn't change a thing. This year has shown me more than ever before how true and perfect God's love is for me. He just keeps showing me more and more just how much He loves me, and is constantly just filling my heart and soul with more grace and joy than I could ever fathom. Looking back at this emotionally-rough year, I praise God for all the storms. During the showers, I figured out exactly who I am, and I discovered how great my God is, and how great His love is, even for someone like me.
And that makes all the bumps along the way completely worth it.
As I sat in the audience tonight, my heart traveled down many pathways of thought as I became still and let God fill my mind with His awesomeness. I thought back to where I was this time last year, and how different my life is from what I thought it would be even a year ago. So many times in my life, I have firmly believed that I had my entire life planned out, but God always has plans far greater than my own. In this past year, I have been challenged in my beliefs more than I ever believed possible. I lost many dear friendships that I had put too much faith into. I discovered the bad-parts of me, my faults and fears, and had to face them and learn to be better at this whole "human" thing.
Yet, I wouldn't change a thing. This year has shown me more than ever before how true and perfect God's love is for me. He just keeps showing me more and more just how much He loves me, and is constantly just filling my heart and soul with more grace and joy than I could ever fathom. Looking back at this emotionally-rough year, I praise God for all the storms. During the showers, I figured out exactly who I am, and I discovered how great my God is, and how great His love is, even for someone like me.
And that makes all the bumps along the way completely worth it.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
One Year of Gratitude--November
On November 1st, I began a project entitled "One Year of Gratitude". Every day of the year (11/1/10--11/1/11), I am going to post something from the day that turned my heart towards worshipping my Heavenly Father. One month down, 11 to go! It's been an amazing journey already as I have been actively seeking God's heart and seeing Him move within my life. Join me as I grow throughout this year in grace, joy, peace and love!
(Some dates posted have multiple points due to a church project of gratitude)
November 1:
First truly cold day of the season!
November 2:
Today while doing theory homework, I was flooded with the knowledge that my anger and hurt were gone and that I could be content with Tyler's friendship. Thankful for a peace that could only come from God!
November 3:
Reading the crucifixion account of Luke early in the morning and being reminded of the price at which I was bought
November 4:
Passion and hope for my career in music therapy
November 5:
Serving Lawrence's homeless population breakfast this morning and hearing their stories while working with my sisters-in-Christ
November 6:
Good weather and a Jayhawk victory, 52-45!
November 7:
Closure on my short time with Tyler. I hurt, but I'm at peace knowing I've said my part and have a clear conscience.
November 8:
Bethany is such a beautiful friend and Miller Maid to turn my bad day around with plain M&Ms and love :)
November 9:
Conviction to talk with Amanda King, and consequently finding peace over a long-time feud (with potential friendship for the future)
November 10:
Having Annette as my Natural Ties friend and receiving her child-like, pure love through hand-holding
November 11:
Having teachers like Mr. Powell who actually care about my learning and help me understand
November 12:
Having my best friend, Ron, in my life and getting the chance to come visit her for the weekend
November 13:
The legacy my grandparents left behind and the friendship Kyle and I have formed because of them
November 14:
1.)Being able to laugh with and love my roomie after two bad previous living situations
2.)The support of my church family at FSBC
3.) The weird friendship Drew and I have (that doesn't rely on pudding preferences!)
November 15:
1.)Starting a crazy week with great productivity
2.)A chance to read and relax
3.)Succeeding at choral clinic warm-up
November 16:
1.)Relief at CKI stress fading and hope for our club returning to my heart
2.) Kelsie, with her love and hospitality for our Bible study
3.) My mom praying for my day to improve over the phone
November 17:
1.)Having wonderful Mello friends and finally feeling like I belong
2.)Ability to play guitar and worship freely
3.)God-honoring music like "What Can I Do?" by Paul Baloche
November 18:
1.)Spending time with Nicole and her friends at Harry Potter 7
2.)Warm clothes
3.)Cold medicine!
November 19:
1.)Seeing my parents and having a basketball "Parent Date" with the Linvilles
2.)My parents' strong foundation of morality
3.)Unexpected friendships
November 20:
1.)Friendship with Kim that I would have never expected
2.)Legacies and friendships of the Marchign Jayhawks
3.)Getting to watch football with my Dad
November 21:
1.)Friends who look out for my when I'm sick
2.)Worshipping with my family and roommate
3.)Beautiful sunset with cold clouds rolling in
November 22:
1.)Feeling better!!!
2.)Getting caught up on sleep and theory
3.)The gift and wonder of new music
November 23:
1.)The love and sisterhood shared between Alyssa, Kristin, Shannon, and me, and getting a night to share with them <3
2.)Loving my cat, Georgie
3.)Having a full heart and knowing that I wouldn't change a thing :)
November 24:
1.)Spending the day with my family in Norman
2.)Making peace again with Noah and Tyler
3.)Getting my Daddy's chicken and potatoes!
November 25:
1.)Starting Thanksgiving early in the morning with prayer and the Psalms
2.)Holiday traditions with the family
3.)A day of gratitude from all
November 26:
1.)Time in KC with my friends
2.)Safe travels back to Kansas
3.)Talking with Carisa on the bus ride
November 27:
1.)In KC: The best day ever with "The three best friends that anyone can have!"
2.)Getting to talk in depth with a KCMO bus driver
3.)Discussing beauty with my beautiful friend Bethany :)
November 28:
1.)Getting a good start on my therapy session
2.)Nicole is back home! :D
3.)Most beautiful orange and pink sky this afternoon
November 29:
1.)An evening of roommate-ness (aka guitar case destruction and sign language)
2.)A beautiful, peaceful day
3.)Feeling calm about all the work I have to do this week
November 30:
1.)Seeing my friend grow in grace and joy :)
2.)Faithfulness of my friend, Gabby
3.)Unexplainable peace, joy, and happiness that is flooding my heart and showing me that I am walking with the One who created me :)
(Some dates posted have multiple points due to a church project of gratitude)
November 1:
First truly cold day of the season!
November 2:
Today while doing theory homework, I was flooded with the knowledge that my anger and hurt were gone and that I could be content with Tyler's friendship. Thankful for a peace that could only come from God!
November 3:
Reading the crucifixion account of Luke early in the morning and being reminded of the price at which I was bought
November 4:
Passion and hope for my career in music therapy
November 5:
Serving Lawrence's homeless population breakfast this morning and hearing their stories while working with my sisters-in-Christ
November 6:
Good weather and a Jayhawk victory, 52-45!
November 7:
Closure on my short time with Tyler. I hurt, but I'm at peace knowing I've said my part and have a clear conscience.
November 8:
Bethany is such a beautiful friend and Miller Maid to turn my bad day around with plain M&Ms and love :)
November 9:
Conviction to talk with Amanda King, and consequently finding peace over a long-time feud (with potential friendship for the future)
November 10:
Having Annette as my Natural Ties friend and receiving her child-like, pure love through hand-holding
November 11:
Having teachers like Mr. Powell who actually care about my learning and help me understand
November 12:
Having my best friend, Ron, in my life and getting the chance to come visit her for the weekend
November 13:
The legacy my grandparents left behind and the friendship Kyle and I have formed because of them
November 14:
1.)Being able to laugh with and love my roomie after two bad previous living situations
2.)The support of my church family at FSBC
3.) The weird friendship Drew and I have (that doesn't rely on pudding preferences!)
November 15:
1.)Starting a crazy week with great productivity
2.)A chance to read and relax
3.)Succeeding at choral clinic warm-up
November 16:
1.)Relief at CKI stress fading and hope for our club returning to my heart
2.) Kelsie, with her love and hospitality for our Bible study
3.) My mom praying for my day to improve over the phone
November 17:
1.)Having wonderful Mello friends and finally feeling like I belong
2.)Ability to play guitar and worship freely
3.)God-honoring music like "What Can I Do?" by Paul Baloche
November 18:
1.)Spending time with Nicole and her friends at Harry Potter 7
2.)Warm clothes
3.)Cold medicine!
November 19:
1.)Seeing my parents and having a basketball "Parent Date" with the Linvilles
2.)My parents' strong foundation of morality
3.)Unexpected friendships
November 20:
1.)Friendship with Kim that I would have never expected
2.)Legacies and friendships of the Marchign Jayhawks
3.)Getting to watch football with my Dad
November 21:
1.)Friends who look out for my when I'm sick
2.)Worshipping with my family and roommate
3.)Beautiful sunset with cold clouds rolling in
November 22:
1.)Feeling better!!!
2.)Getting caught up on sleep and theory
3.)The gift and wonder of new music
November 23:
1.)The love and sisterhood shared between Alyssa, Kristin, Shannon, and me, and getting a night to share with them <3
2.)Loving my cat, Georgie
3.)Having a full heart and knowing that I wouldn't change a thing :)
November 24:
1.)Spending the day with my family in Norman
2.)Making peace again with Noah and Tyler
3.)Getting my Daddy's chicken and potatoes!
November 25:
1.)Starting Thanksgiving early in the morning with prayer and the Psalms
2.)Holiday traditions with the family
3.)A day of gratitude from all
November 26:
1.)Time in KC with my friends
2.)Safe travels back to Kansas
3.)Talking with Carisa on the bus ride
November 27:
1.)In KC: The best day ever with "The three best friends that anyone can have!"
2.)Getting to talk in depth with a KCMO bus driver
3.)Discussing beauty with my beautiful friend Bethany :)
November 28:
1.)Getting a good start on my therapy session
2.)Nicole is back home! :D
3.)Most beautiful orange and pink sky this afternoon
November 29:
1.)An evening of roommate-ness (aka guitar case destruction and sign language)
2.)A beautiful, peaceful day
3.)Feeling calm about all the work I have to do this week
November 30:
1.)Seeing my friend grow in grace and joy :)
2.)Faithfulness of my friend, Gabby
3.)Unexplainable peace, joy, and happiness that is flooding my heart and showing me that I am walking with the One who created me :)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
He Whispers Sweet Peace to Me
For those of you who actually read my blog, I apologize for the negative feeling of my last post. I was in a time of intense hurt and doubt when it was written, but, amazingly, healing has been occurring in large doeses. These past few weeks, I have been seeking the heart of my Father above all else, and the results are amazing. Every single day of last week, there were very distinct occurrences that left no doubt in my mind of my Father's love for me; even in this week, I am being reminded again and again of how cherished I am in the eyes of my Creator. It's like all of heaven is smiling down on me, and I can feel God cradling me in His hands and lavishing me in more love than I can ever imagine, covering my wounded heart with the balm of His peace and grace.
I don't really know how to explain this feeling to you, so I am going to give you a little peek into the events that have been transpiring.
Case Study One:
Once upon a time in the wonderful land of high school, I had an archnemesis. Go ahead and laugh, but I knew it was true in my heart. Her name was Amanda, and she was tiny and funny and popular and everything-I-was-not-in-my-sophomore-and-junior-years. To make matters even worse, she and her best friend were really quite mean through our years of band together, and the majority of my high school tears found their root in Amanda and her friend. Oh, and did I mention she was dating one of my best guy friends? Yeah...
Since she was a grade above me, I said an enthusiastic "good riddance" in 2008 and have barely thought of her since. I mean, yeah, things often got awkward when I would spend time with my friend and hear him talk about how much he loved his girlfriend, but I just ignored the "something-is-not-right" twinge that I felt inside and went about my merry way. Now that I don't see him daily, I hadn't even heard of or from Amanda in some time, and I honestly kinda forgot all about her.
Then, something crazy happened. Mid-October, I began thinking about Amanda. And it wasn't just a random, one-time deal. I was thinking about her every single day, wondering how life was treating her, and since she was on my mind, she began crossing my prayers: occassionally at first, and then more and more often. I hated it. Every time I thought of her and prayed for her to have a good day, I felt as though I was losing a wrestling match inside of my heart. I would get an uncomfortable feeling and get a very crabby demeanor if people were around at the time. I began to seek God and ask Him, "Hey, God? What is the DEAL with this?!" Suddenly, I realized a crazy, completely insane truth: I needed to talk to Amanda, and I needed to do it soon. Being the stubborn human that I am, I spent three straight days checking facebook chat to see if she was online. She never was, and I thought that maybe I should just drop my weird thoughts of insanity. At the same time, though, I knew that I had to get the wrestling team out of my chest. One day in the library, I clicked on Amanda's profile, clicked the "send message" link, and then sat at the computer for a good 45 minutes writing a 4 sentence message that just said something along the lines of "I know this is weird, but you have been on my heart, and I'm praying you have a great day" or something along those lines. Even as I sent it, a feeling of dread came over me, just waiting for the humilitation of what I had just done.
But....humiliation did not come (after all, if it had, that wouldn't have been a very uplifting story, now would it?). I got a very quick reply that positively stunned me. She explained how it was funny that I messaged her, because she had been thinking of me, too, and had wanted to apologize for everything and become friends. So now we are having a facebook thread conversation about music therapy and life and so on and so forth. I don't necessarily know if we are friends in the loving-feel-good-tell-each-other-secrets kind of way, but I do know that suddenly, for the first time ever, I am at peace about being compared to her and being hurt in high school. I actually really like her now, and am happy that she is dating one of "my boys". I look forward to having a good aquaintanceship in our future.
God showed me, quite clearly, how beautiful things can be when I swallow my pride and let Him guide my actions with love. He whispered sweet peace to me.
Case Study Two:
Last school year, I became involved in a service organization called Natural Ties. This is a group that pairs college students with individuals affected by intellectual disabilities so that they can have a friend who takes them to planned social events. Since I am the only volunteer without a Greek-life affiliation, I was given my very own Tie (what we call our friends) named Annette Givens. Annette is a middle-aged woman severely affected by epilepsy and developmental disabilities. Our entire year last year was geared towards gaining her trust and getting to know about her life and how beautiful her personality is and how brightly her light shines. I was afraid to return after a summer apart, but my fears left as soon as I picked her up for our first event in August. She remembered me immediately, and all of the rapport we had built up remained as strong as it had been in May. I love this lady more than I could have ever imagined, and the highlight of my week is almost always Wednesday night Tie events.
Last Wednesday, though, I did NOT want to be a happy volunteer. It had been a hectic day, and I had a million things to do at home. To make things more annoying, our Ties event was watching the movie MegaMind. I felt put-out, thinking of how an event like a movie really did not require my presence. I was even contemplating skipping the next week of Ties and asking another volunteer to care for my Tie. I headed to Annette's house to pick her up, praying the whole way that God would soften my heart and give my volunteering pure intentions of my love for Annette. We went to the movie and truly had a great time. Annette and her boyfriend, Dan, kept us laughing through the whole movie as we got to see them witness the show in child-like wonder. After the movie was over, we parted ways with Dan, and I began talking with Annette about the movie:
"So, Annette: what was your favorite part of the movie?"
"I liked it when they fought."
"Me too! What was your favorite character?"
"The girl. Can I hold your hand?"
I stopped, slightly taken aback by this random input into the conversation.
"What was that?"
"Can I hold your hand? You're my best friend, and I want to know you're not going to leave me."
We held hands and walked out into the parking lot, where I helped her into the car and drove her back home just like every other Wednesday. This week, though, was different: After I walked her to her door, I returned to my truck and let the tears roll down my face as my stony heart melted. I determined to never skip a Ties meeting, ever. Annette won't have to worry about abandonment.
God used my beautiful friend to show me simple, child-like love in its truest form, even in a time when the actions of my heart were positively undeserving of love or kindness. He whispered sweet peace to me.
Case Study Three:
Music Theory is my mortal enemy. Seriously, it is on the same difficulty as Calculus, which I stupidly took in my senior year of high school and then had to practically sell my soul to scrape by with a B.
When I began Theory III this semester, I was discouraged by the fact that my professor was a 24 year old grad student who had never taught before in his life. I admit that the first few weeks of class, I was the kid sitting sullenly in the back, refusing to do any work and choosing instead to complain about his teaching skills and the work that I could not understand. But then, something in my heart and mind changed concerning school (which could be a whole separate Random. Thoughts. entry all together...). I decided to stop settling for mediocre and truly devote my time at college to learning all that I can stuff into my brain. I began going in for office hours to get help and began, for the first time ever, to learn music theory.
Even though he has never taught before, my professor is actually an excellent theory teacher. He has given me more mercy than I deserve, altering assignments to fit my abilities and giving me hours upon hours of tutoring outside of class. Honestly, it is way more grace than I deserve, especially considering my anger and idiocy from the beginning of the year. Last Thursday, I was (once again) getting assistance, this time on a musical analysis of an essay subject. Hearing myself talk was the craziest thing ever. Who would have ever thought I could actually hold a conversation with the words "dominant, enharmonic, modal mixture, etc" and actually make sense of it? I got a moment of comprehension that, "Wow! I actually know this stuff!" It was pretty crazy, but not as crazy as the next moment.
My teacher looked at me for a second before asking if he could be perfectly honest about something. I skeptically agreed, and he told me his story. He explained how he and his wife left everything in their home of West Virginia so that he could come to Kansas and get his doctorate in music theory. He had always had a dream to be a theory professor, so he took the GTA position. During the first few weeks of class, he came close to quitting, because no one really cared about the work he was doing. But then, I came along, and (he claims that) seeing me learn and become passionate about music as I understand more and more...well, apparently I caused him to make a life-decision to keep with his theory-professor dream and stay in school so that he can devote his life to helping other poor unfortunate, clueless souls like myself as they journey to discover the beauty and power of music.
Maybe theory is life-changing. Maybe it's not. But God used His light through me to encourage another soul to fulfill his life dream while also giving me encouragement to "do everything as if unto the Lord." He whispered sweet peace to me.
Case Study Four:
This one is more of a reflection on a blessing, but...
Friday afternoon, I hit the road for Stillwater, OK to see my bff Alyssa! This semester has been unusually fraught with emotional pain, mainly involving separation from people that I had grown up with. My heart has been hurting, and I needed to go see someone from my past who still loves me and loves to spend time with me, someone who wasn't related to me. After four hours of driving (and several adventures in lost-ness), I arrived at Alyssa's dorm for a friend weekend. During our time together, we didn't really do anything out of the ordinary, but spending time with her healed my heart-hurts. As I drove back to Kansas, I reflected on how one of the greatest blessings in my life is the realization that my shy "twin" from sophomore year, the girl that I wanted to befriend but who wouldn't say more than two words to me, is now my best friend in this world, my heart-sister, my fellow "Giant who hates pie", and my partner in miscreanism ;)
God answered my 16 year old prayers by giving me my best friend. This weekend, he used my same best friend to show me that, even though some friendships fade and hearts break, there truly are friends who last forever, who are "closer than a brother". He whispered sweet peace to me.
Case Study Five:
While I was in Stillwater, I stopped by to visit my cousin, Kyle. He is a little over a year younger than me, and is technically my second cousin (but who cares about specifics?). When we were younger, I HATED HIM SO MUCH. He was annoying, he was a boy, and (the most painful thing) he was always at MY grandma's house, taking up the time that I wanted desperately to spend with her. I never understood why I couldn't have my grandma to myself. My pawpaw would take me out and let me play in the old trucks while he and my Dad worked, and as a result, I always felt much closer to him than I did to my grandma. I remember she always told me that I would understand, someday, why Kyle was always around, but I didn't believe her. Both she and my pawpaw passed away when I was a sophomore in high school, one week apart. At the funerals, Kyle and I became friends. Our friendship grew even as we were apart in distance, and last May I drove a couple of hours from my parents' house to see his graduation.
The night of Hartshorne High 2010 graduation, Kyle and I jumped in his truck and went off for a drive that genuinely changed my life. We talked about our grandparents, and how much we missed them. We shared stories, we laughed and cried. Finally, he told me the truth about his constant presence in my childhood visits. I won't get into details, but basically his father has always been abusive and horrible. My grandparents saw it and took care of Kyle to protect him. Because of their influence, Kyle grew up loving God and is now a handsome, polite, Christian gentleman (I'm a little biased, haha).
As Kyle and I ate dinner on Saturday night, I couldn't help thinking about how happy my grandma would have been to see us having a civil dinner together, talking about life and enjoying each other's friendship. In a time of college where I am so unsure about so many things, the reminder of the legacy my grandparents left living on in Kyle and I filled my heart with peace, love, and joy. He whispered sweet peace to me.
Case Study Six:
My final point is one that is still in progress. See, I have an idea, and it's one that excites me to no end!
As I was driving back from Stillwater, God continued just covering me in peace and filling me to bursting with joy. I was so overwhelmed while driving, I called a few people just to tell them the awesome ideas I was getting, God-inspired. One plan would not leave my mind, and is still tormenting me to this day.
The longer I live, the more I develop a heart for girls and the things they go through. I cannot tell you how many times brokenhearted ladies have come to me, unsure of why they weren't good enough for such-and-such boy, or feeling brokenhearted from giving all to someone who didn't care, etc. I want to, someday, write a book for teenage girls about spiritual growth and accepting the beauty that God specifically created in them. I have the outline and everything! It's a terrifying thought, but I look forward to seeing where God leads this throughout my lifetime. In the meantime, I am going to start working on outreach programs for college girls.
Such as a Single Ladies Valentine's Day Party. The plan is to potentially borrow the church, make our own pizzas, watch Pride and Prejudice, and discuss the beauty of singleness and the beauty within each one of us. (Oh, and did I mention that another part of this is to potentially get single guys to deliver flowers to every girl at the party? Yeah, that's just for the fun of it :)
As I plan this party, I realize a beautiful truth. It's one in which the balm that God has been pouring on my wounded heart expands to cover my whole body with calming ease and reassurance. In the last blog I posted, I was brokenhearted and alone. Now I see that my state of singleness is currently a good thing, as God uses me to empathize with the other Valentine's Day Single Ladies. I am single, and I am okay with that.
Another beautiful truth that does not escape me is this: at a time in life where I have felt more unloved, abandoned, alone, and bitter than I ever have before....God has made clear to me how valuable I am in His eyes. How He loves me so much that His eyes sparkle when I walk into the room. How "He binds up the brokenhearted and heals their wounds" and gives pure joy to longing hearts. How purposeful my life is, because I am a work-in-progress that is being used by Him for His will. How positively cherished and beautiful I am, not on my own works, but because I belong to Him.
He has been faithful, He has been carrying me through, He will continue carrying me.
He whispers sweet peace to me.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Lose Again
Here's a blog that I am going to write to get thoughts out of my mind. I am going to be incredibly candid, and since nobody really reads my blog anyways, I am fine with showing my heart on my sleeve.
What happens when the song ends, but the ear longs for more to be played? What happens when the game is suddenly over with 3 seconds left till the buzzer? What happens when the storybook ending turns sour?
Since last May, I have been part of a whirlwind story that I could scarcely believe myself. It was one of those that could easily have made it into the movies, a love story that was so unbelievable that it had to be true. After years of praying and waiting for God to bring my future husband and I together, my love story was finally coming together, as a boy with the same standards and same type of heart as my own began to fall in love with God at the center of our story. Everything was perfect. I loved him, all of my mentors approved and loved him, and I fell asleep every night in disbelief that my crazy prayers might actually be coming true.
But then, we stopped talking. It wasn't for lack of trying. My heart began to feel unsteady, wondering why this perfectly crafted story was suddenly silent. My unsteady heart began to break as the guy angrily texted, telling me that I was the problem, that I was the one causing pain. I struggled with my thoughts for a week, praying that if I was to blame, that God would reveal my fault to my heart so that I could right things. No matter how hard I prayed, I felt no guilt. I came to the conclusion that my conscious was clear--and suddenly peace like no other flooded my soul. I didn't need him in my life; God would be my husband in my times of singleness.
Then, tonight. I haven't been hurting, or even thinking about him since the peace covered my aching, battered heart. But tonight, I got a text from him, telling me that God had told him that I was going to marry someone better and that we could only be friends, because I was too good for him. I told him how much he had hurt me, and how he should have never told me he loved me if he didn't mean it. Hearts are very vulnerable, you know, especially when they are loving someone whom they had been unable to get over for the past 9 or so years. He just kept saying that I was going to marry someone perfect and that he still loved me, but only as a friend and never anything else.
The weird thing is, I am ok with him recanting his love for me. It actually calms my weary head and gives me a peace in which I don't have to keep questioning what's going on in his head. The problem is that other issues arise with this latest conversation, issues which I don't have the solutions to at this moment. Questions of doubt, such as:
Can I really trust him again, after he has treated my heart so poorly? Why did I expect this time to be different, when all of my hurts in life can point back to him over the years? Can I ever be "just friends" with him, or do I have to permanently remove him from my life, as my parents are now desiring? Why did he tell me he loved me if he didn't mean it? Is there actually someone better out there for me, or is this God's way of telling me that the life He desires for me is one of purposeful singleness? If God is calling me to singleness, will I be able to spend the rest of my life without the hope of falling in love? Why did this story go so wrong when I had such a peace about it? And most importantly...why is my heart broken, when I was so careful to follow God's plans and let Him carry my heart to sing a sweeter song?
I apologize for the negativity of this post. I will go to sleep tonight and wake up in the morning, fully refreshed and not angry or hurt at all. God is doing some amazing things in my life, and every single day, I look forward to the new things that He will reveal to me in the day. I guess this is just one of those potholes in the road of life, in which God will use my hurt and weariness to create an even more beautiful story from my love. Praise Him for His mercies and His love, even on my most unlovable days.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Touch
When I decided to write this blog, I knew that it would be difficult to express the thoughts rattling around in my brain without sounding completely insane. After a long time contemplating, I realized that no matter how eloquently I explained myself, I will still come across as someone who is completely insane. So....here goes.
This summer I started watching the tv show LOST (Before everybody starts commenting on this telling me spoilers, I have yet to finish the show, keep your opinions and thoughts on it to yourself!). This weekend, I watched the season five finale, meaning that I only have one more season to complete before I can join the ranks of people who have seen all of the show. I fully expected to watch this episode, allow my mind to get completely boggled, and then carry on with my quest to find Season Six. Instead, God spoke to my heart during the episode and presented a new concept in my mind through an event of the episode.
Perhaps this is just rambling, perhaps not. The summary is this: God is real, He is present, He is love.
Can't wait to see You face to face, Father.
This summer I started watching the tv show LOST (Before everybody starts commenting on this telling me spoilers, I have yet to finish the show, keep your opinions and thoughts on it to yourself!). This weekend, I watched the season five finale, meaning that I only have one more season to complete before I can join the ranks of people who have seen all of the show. I fully expected to watch this episode, allow my mind to get completely boggled, and then carry on with my quest to find Season Six. Instead, God spoke to my heart during the episode and presented a new concept in my mind through an event of the episode.
In the beginning of the episode, we finally see Jacob: a timeless character who seems to simply observe all the goings on of the island. As the episode progressed, different flashbacks of each character's life were shown. Each flashback featured a significant, life-altering event in the individual character, and, in each event...Jacob was present.
Perhaps this is just rambling, perhaps not. The summary is this: God is real, He is present, He is love.
Can't wait to see You face to face, Father.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Friendship
Perhaps the most puzzling relationship on this earth is the one called "friendship". After all, there is no physiological reason that we need friends. Think about it:
The relationship of a husband and wife comes about because of love, with the outcome of physical intimacy, with the outcome of reproduction and repopulating the earth. Physiological need met.
The relationship of a parent and child comes about because of the child's need for protection and nurturing, which results in growth and abilities for the child to then grow up, succeed, and eventually fulfill the first relationship mentioned. Physiological need met.
But what about friendship? Nothing tangible can be gained from friendship. No urgent need of creation to hang out with your buddy. In fact, friendship could even be viewed as a selfish relationship in which one must sacrifice without receiving any physiological benefit from the activity.
However....
Friendship is a gift from God. He knew that we needed to be surrounded by people who lift us up and encourage us along the journey. He knew that we needed shoulders to cry on when our hearts hurt and laughing voices to join us in our most joyous times. He knew that we needed people who we could call as soon as events occurred and people with whom we could practice the art of empathy as we share their burdens. He knew we needed to learn selflessness as we sacrificed for a non-family member we cared deeply about, and He knew that we needed to learn to be grateful for those people in our lives who simply refuse to leave.
So, counting friendship as a multi-faceted blessing, I vow to strive my hardest to maintain healthy friendships with those who are nearest and dearest to me. I will not take this blessing for granted, and will revel in every moment that God grants me to be spent with those crazy people I call my friends.
The relationship of a husband and wife comes about because of love, with the outcome of physical intimacy, with the outcome of reproduction and repopulating the earth. Physiological need met.
The relationship of a parent and child comes about because of the child's need for protection and nurturing, which results in growth and abilities for the child to then grow up, succeed, and eventually fulfill the first relationship mentioned. Physiological need met.
But what about friendship? Nothing tangible can be gained from friendship. No urgent need of creation to hang out with your buddy. In fact, friendship could even be viewed as a selfish relationship in which one must sacrifice without receiving any physiological benefit from the activity.
However....
Friendship is a gift from God. He knew that we needed to be surrounded by people who lift us up and encourage us along the journey. He knew that we needed shoulders to cry on when our hearts hurt and laughing voices to join us in our most joyous times. He knew that we needed people who we could call as soon as events occurred and people with whom we could practice the art of empathy as we share their burdens. He knew we needed to learn selflessness as we sacrificed for a non-family member we cared deeply about, and He knew that we needed to learn to be grateful for those people in our lives who simply refuse to leave.
So, counting friendship as a multi-faceted blessing, I vow to strive my hardest to maintain healthy friendships with those who are nearest and dearest to me. I will not take this blessing for granted, and will revel in every moment that God grants me to be spent with those crazy people I call my friends.
Covered
Jesus. Messiah. Perfect Lamb of God.
Sent to earth as a human, sent so that we as humanity could trust Him and know that He sympathizes with our pains and struggles.
Sent to die to pay the debt that we could never pay on our own.
But, during His conviction, a conviction that occurred despite His innocence...a choice.
A choice that could pardon Him, giving the punishment of death to a criminal who deserved death. A choice that, when put up to the crowd, did not go in His favor. The government official feeling that Jesus was innocent, washed his hands of the matter, telling the people that they were responsible for the death of the innocent Lamb.
"And all the people answered and said, "His blood be on us and on our children."" (Matthew 27:25)
All the people took the responsibility of His blood, covering their consciences with the knowledge of the death they were allowing. Little did they know that they could be covered by the blood a second time, covered by acceptance of Christ as the Son of God, covered so that their sins, once blood red, could become white as snow. I fully believe that, even these people who sealed His execution, could be forgiven by the merciful, graceful, God of Love.
His blood covering was their sin. His blood covered their sin.
His blood covers all of our sin in the current day, too, and provides healing for even the most unthinkable act. All required of us is to accept that covering.
Are you covered?
Sent to earth as a human, sent so that we as humanity could trust Him and know that He sympathizes with our pains and struggles.
Sent to die to pay the debt that we could never pay on our own.
But, during His conviction, a conviction that occurred despite His innocence...a choice.
A choice that could pardon Him, giving the punishment of death to a criminal who deserved death. A choice that, when put up to the crowd, did not go in His favor. The government official feeling that Jesus was innocent, washed his hands of the matter, telling the people that they were responsible for the death of the innocent Lamb.
"And all the people answered and said, "His blood be on us and on our children."" (Matthew 27:25)
All the people took the responsibility of His blood, covering their consciences with the knowledge of the death they were allowing. Little did they know that they could be covered by the blood a second time, covered by acceptance of Christ as the Son of God, covered so that their sins, once blood red, could become white as snow. I fully believe that, even these people who sealed His execution, could be forgiven by the merciful, graceful, God of Love.
His blood covering was their sin. His blood covered their sin.
His blood covers all of our sin in the current day, too, and provides healing for even the most unthinkable act. All required of us is to accept that covering.
Are you covered?
Friday, August 6, 2010
I Love...
...Sticking my feet out the car window on hot summer days.
...Driving around town with my Dad.
...Cute diners.
...Small town fame.
...A good workout--and actually getting muscles from said workout.
...Historical Sites.
...Stargazing.
...TOMS.
...Musicians who truly understand music and put their knowledge into action.
...Early morning stillness.
...Laughing.
...When people you don't know wave at you anyways.
...Sad things that touch my heart and make me cry.
...Tulips. Daisies, too.
...Taking pictures of nature and standing in awe before God's canvas.
...Finding love in unexpected places.
...Finding that you aren't afraid of that unexpected love and that you actually enjoy it.
...Heart-sisters who are truly family.
...Spending hours with God and watching Him produce fruit through your life.
...Butterflies in your stomach from sheer happiness.
...The smell of Tyler's house and riding around in his truck.
...Buying office supplies, even if they aren't needed.
...Dreaming about going to Ireland someday.
...Archaeology, especially when it points to the reality of a God.
...The song "Glitter in the Air".
...Serving others and seeing the smiles your work creates.
...Sitting beside the ocean and getting lost in thought.
...Using people as pillows on long car rides.
...Sweet tea. Preferably, Gold Peak Sweet Tea.
...Looking back and realizing how far you've come, and how all credit goes to God's grace.
...Ridiculously long runs that leave you sweaty and smelly.
...Long showers with coconut shampoo and aloe vera soap.
...Walking up and down Mass St.
...Babysitting.
...Adopting non-family members as heart-family.
...Driving the '58 during the rain so that the cold air rushes through the cab.
...The smell of new cars; the smell of old cars.
...Alyssa's sarcasm--and encouragement.
...Spending time with lady Prayer Warriors and learning from them.
...The resonance of a beautiful guitar.
...Tamales from Bravos.
...Daydreaming about the "Bend in the Road".
...Going to concerts and dancing horribly.
...Finding random, yet awesome, new music.
...Ice cream. Any kind.
...Being a total dork and not caring what people say.
...People who love me, dorkiness and all--and share in the fun.
...Hugs.
...Smiling as you fall asleep at night.
...Long phone calls and late-night texting.
...Rain. Buckets of rain.
...Forgiveness, mercy, and unconditional love.
...Knowing that every day I am growing in grace and learning to lean on the grace of my Savior.
...Driving around town with my Dad.
...Cute diners.
...Small town fame.
...A good workout--and actually getting muscles from said workout.
...Historical Sites.
...Stargazing.
...TOMS.
...Musicians who truly understand music and put their knowledge into action.
...Early morning stillness.
...Laughing.
...When people you don't know wave at you anyways.
...Sad things that touch my heart and make me cry.
...Tulips. Daisies, too.
...Taking pictures of nature and standing in awe before God's canvas.
...Finding love in unexpected places.
...Finding that you aren't afraid of that unexpected love and that you actually enjoy it.
...Heart-sisters who are truly family.
...Spending hours with God and watching Him produce fruit through your life.
...Butterflies in your stomach from sheer happiness.
...The smell of Tyler's house and riding around in his truck.
...Buying office supplies, even if they aren't needed.
...Dreaming about going to Ireland someday.
...Archaeology, especially when it points to the reality of a God.
...The song "Glitter in the Air".
...Serving others and seeing the smiles your work creates.
...Sitting beside the ocean and getting lost in thought.
...Using people as pillows on long car rides.
...Sweet tea. Preferably, Gold Peak Sweet Tea.
...Looking back and realizing how far you've come, and how all credit goes to God's grace.
...Ridiculously long runs that leave you sweaty and smelly.
...Long showers with coconut shampoo and aloe vera soap.
...Walking up and down Mass St.
...Babysitting.
...Adopting non-family members as heart-family.
...Driving the '58 during the rain so that the cold air rushes through the cab.
...The smell of new cars; the smell of old cars.
...Alyssa's sarcasm--and encouragement.
...Spending time with lady Prayer Warriors and learning from them.
...The resonance of a beautiful guitar.
...Tamales from Bravos.
...Daydreaming about the "Bend in the Road".
...Going to concerts and dancing horribly.
...Finding random, yet awesome, new music.
...Ice cream. Any kind.
...Being a total dork and not caring what people say.
...People who love me, dorkiness and all--and share in the fun.
...Hugs.
...Smiling as you fall asleep at night.
...Long phone calls and late-night texting.
...Rain. Buckets of rain.
...Forgiveness, mercy, and unconditional love.
...Knowing that every day I am growing in grace and learning to lean on the grace of my Savior.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Lessons I've Learned on My Knees...I Wouldn't Trade for Anything
I know it's a bit of an anomaly, but as a kid, I never really liked summer. Don't get me wrong, it was nice to escape the confines of a classroom for a couple of months. But summer also meant a lot of time completely alone. Let me make this disclaimer: I don't do "alone" very well at all. Alone means boredom (if not occupied). Boredom means too many thoughts in my head. Too many thoughts in my head means sadness and frustration. Alone=not good.
Having finished my first year of college, I decided to stay in Lawrence this summer for various reasons. One such reason was the belief that, staying here, I would not spend a summer alone and would enjoy the season a little more. Within two weeks of summer break, I realized this belief was completely untrue; I was spending more time alone than I ever had before. In my desperation at being by myself, I started going out to Clinton Lake to play guitar in the afternoons. On one of my guitar afternoons, I chose to read my Bible and pray instead of playing guitar. That's when I learned my first lesson of the summer: "Alone time" is a perfect opportunity to be changed into "quiet time with God".
For the past month and a half, I have been desperately seeking more of God and actually embracing my alone-ness. And since He promised "You shall find me when you seek me with all your heart"...I have been daily learning lessons through prayers, quotes, Bible-reading, worship songs, and simple peace that comes to my heart. While I am not sure I can accurately convey all of the lessons He is teaching me, I will try to put some of them here as a memorial, as a testimony, and as a witness to how great our God is.
"Help me maintain an opened mind and heart as I continue to chase after Your heart. Fill me with unquenchable desire to know You more each day. And help me to grow in grace each and every day of this life that is moving at such a rapid pace."~May 15, 2010
"Summer always points to You, and I have never before been so aware of my own depravity. You alone can heal."~May 22, 2010
"I don't understand Your ways, and I hope I never fully do. The Mystery is part of who You are, and I love nights like these where clarity hits, and unquestionable truths begin to line up such as the yearning of my own heart and the great pull from Your heart."~ May 23, 2010
"I'm beginning to realize that in my loneliness, You are there to draw me even closer to Your heart....mold me into the woman You've planned for me to be."~May 26, 2010
"Just because you don't see the ending I have planned doesn't make it any less beautiful."
"I believe You made us require sleep so that times of despair can return to hope after a time of still refreshment!"~June 10, 2010
"I want to leave a legacy that's worth remembering. I can't help but feel like I'm on the brink of something so much greater than myself. Please continue to make my desire to servec about You, and not about my own gain."~June 10, 2010
"You continue to cover me in mercy even in the times where my depravity is most revealed."
"Just growing in grace and learning to lean on the grace of my Savior, who washed my sins clean when He died on the cross to take on my shame. I'm loving Him more as I trust in His name."
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."~2 Timothy 1:7
"All I can ask for now is for Your forgiveness for my failings today, for the fruits of Your Spirit to fill and reshape my depraved life, and for Your grace to cover my future failings."~June 13, 2010
"You are my Portion, my never-ending, overflowing Lord, my Reward"~Shane & Shane
"Praise God that He is big enough to handle all the thoughts in my head...and SO much more!"
"Remind me how much You love me, even at my worst."~June 16, 2010
"I trust in You to provide for everything that I need and calm my heart towards the things that I want but cannot have. You know my heart better than I do, and You know what is best for me even when I can't see around the bend in the road."~June 18, 2010
"Your love is extravagant, Your friendship is intimate. I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace; Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place...You capture my heart again."~Casting Crowns
"There's so much more to life than what I can see from my little peephole."
"God doesn't want you to have a mediocre life. That's why he makes people like us wait for our futures sometimes."
"Life is either a daring adventure...or nothing."
"Help me to trust when I doubt and rejoice when I'm feeling compacent."~June 28, 2010
"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."~John 15:2
"You ARE love. As your daughter, I must be love as well."
"Prevent me from offering empty hallelujahs to You, my King."~June 29, 2010
"You created me to be involved in the greatest adventure of all--a life in step with my Savior."~June 29, 2010
"The Great High Priest whose name is Love, who ever lives and pardons me."~Shane & Shane
"Everyday you're wearing yourself down/Thinking it's up to you to keep the world spinning round/But child don't fret, and child don't fear/Just give Me your burdens and lend me your ear/How can you ever forget what you mean to Me?/ How I died in your place up on dark Calvary?/How can you ever forget that I rose again?/I'm alive and I'm here so that you may draw near, our hearts tight like lock and key/Cause that's what you mean to Me."
"We take Your blessings...should we not take the sorrows, too?"~Shane & Shane
"Help me to accept the adventurous path You've prepared for me without looking back with longing for the mediocre life I would choose on my own accord."
"Remind me in the waiting that You are working all things out for the good of those who are called by You and are in love with You!"
"I am in love with a God who lavishes me in grace and love, even after a less-than-graceful day when I'm not at my loveliest."
"Tired of settling for a life of so much less than Christ died for me to receive!"
"Define my dreams, direct my paths."
"When I stand before the throne of God, I hope I don't have a drop of talent remaining so that I may say 'I gave everything I had for Your glory.'"
"Maybe sometimes we just gotta let go, let life happen, laugh, dance, and have an absolute faith in brighter days ahead."
"You know the number of my days, so come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head."~Chris Rice
"Finding who I am in all You are."~Shane & Shane
"Last night, I was thinking about how summer always brings up my loneliness, which brings out the worst parts of me. I guess it makes sense that this is Your doing: letting all my impurities come to light so that You can chip them away and refine me as silver. It's not pleasant, Father, but the lessons You whisper to my heart make the pain worth it."~July 1, 2010
"You see my frustrations and still have so many things to teach me."~July 2, 2010
"God promises rest in heaven with Him for those who do his work. At the end of our lives, we will be judged according to the standards set in the Bible. Though we deserve death and eternal separation, God in His infinite love and mercy, provided a Great High Priest for us through His Son, who intercedes on our behalf in His compassion and mercy!"~Hebrews 4 lessons.
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."~Hebrews 4:16
"We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that, too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the Divine love may rest 'well-pleased'"~C.S. Lewis
Many lessons to come, I am sure. May you continue growing in grace!
Katie
Having finished my first year of college, I decided to stay in Lawrence this summer for various reasons. One such reason was the belief that, staying here, I would not spend a summer alone and would enjoy the season a little more. Within two weeks of summer break, I realized this belief was completely untrue; I was spending more time alone than I ever had before. In my desperation at being by myself, I started going out to Clinton Lake to play guitar in the afternoons. On one of my guitar afternoons, I chose to read my Bible and pray instead of playing guitar. That's when I learned my first lesson of the summer: "Alone time" is a perfect opportunity to be changed into "quiet time with God".
For the past month and a half, I have been desperately seeking more of God and actually embracing my alone-ness. And since He promised "You shall find me when you seek me with all your heart"...I have been daily learning lessons through prayers, quotes, Bible-reading, worship songs, and simple peace that comes to my heart. While I am not sure I can accurately convey all of the lessons He is teaching me, I will try to put some of them here as a memorial, as a testimony, and as a witness to how great our God is.
"Help me maintain an opened mind and heart as I continue to chase after Your heart. Fill me with unquenchable desire to know You more each day. And help me to grow in grace each and every day of this life that is moving at such a rapid pace."~May 15, 2010
"Summer always points to You, and I have never before been so aware of my own depravity. You alone can heal."~May 22, 2010
"I don't understand Your ways, and I hope I never fully do. The Mystery is part of who You are, and I love nights like these where clarity hits, and unquestionable truths begin to line up such as the yearning of my own heart and the great pull from Your heart."~ May 23, 2010
"I'm beginning to realize that in my loneliness, You are there to draw me even closer to Your heart....mold me into the woman You've planned for me to be."~May 26, 2010
"Just because you don't see the ending I have planned doesn't make it any less beautiful."
"I believe You made us require sleep so that times of despair can return to hope after a time of still refreshment!"~June 10, 2010
"I want to leave a legacy that's worth remembering. I can't help but feel like I'm on the brink of something so much greater than myself. Please continue to make my desire to servec about You, and not about my own gain."~June 10, 2010
"You continue to cover me in mercy even in the times where my depravity is most revealed."
"Just growing in grace and learning to lean on the grace of my Savior, who washed my sins clean when He died on the cross to take on my shame. I'm loving Him more as I trust in His name."
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."~2 Timothy 1:7
"All I can ask for now is for Your forgiveness for my failings today, for the fruits of Your Spirit to fill and reshape my depraved life, and for Your grace to cover my future failings."~June 13, 2010
"You are my Portion, my never-ending, overflowing Lord, my Reward"~Shane & Shane
"Praise God that He is big enough to handle all the thoughts in my head...and SO much more!"
"Remind me how much You love me, even at my worst."~June 16, 2010
"I trust in You to provide for everything that I need and calm my heart towards the things that I want but cannot have. You know my heart better than I do, and You know what is best for me even when I can't see around the bend in the road."~June 18, 2010
"Your love is extravagant, Your friendship is intimate. I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace; Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place...You capture my heart again."~Casting Crowns
"There's so much more to life than what I can see from my little peephole."
"God doesn't want you to have a mediocre life. That's why he makes people like us wait for our futures sometimes."
"Life is either a daring adventure...or nothing."
"Help me to trust when I doubt and rejoice when I'm feeling compacent."~June 28, 2010
"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."~John 15:2
"You ARE love. As your daughter, I must be love as well."
"Prevent me from offering empty hallelujahs to You, my King."~June 29, 2010
"You created me to be involved in the greatest adventure of all--a life in step with my Savior."~June 29, 2010
"The Great High Priest whose name is Love, who ever lives and pardons me."~Shane & Shane
"Everyday you're wearing yourself down/Thinking it's up to you to keep the world spinning round/But child don't fret, and child don't fear/Just give Me your burdens and lend me your ear/How can you ever forget what you mean to Me?/ How I died in your place up on dark Calvary?/How can you ever forget that I rose again?/I'm alive and I'm here so that you may draw near, our hearts tight like lock and key/Cause that's what you mean to Me."
"We take Your blessings...should we not take the sorrows, too?"~Shane & Shane
"Help me to accept the adventurous path You've prepared for me without looking back with longing for the mediocre life I would choose on my own accord."
"Remind me in the waiting that You are working all things out for the good of those who are called by You and are in love with You!"
"I am in love with a God who lavishes me in grace and love, even after a less-than-graceful day when I'm not at my loveliest."
"Tired of settling for a life of so much less than Christ died for me to receive!"
"Define my dreams, direct my paths."
"When I stand before the throne of God, I hope I don't have a drop of talent remaining so that I may say 'I gave everything I had for Your glory.'"
"Maybe sometimes we just gotta let go, let life happen, laugh, dance, and have an absolute faith in brighter days ahead."
"You know the number of my days, so come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head."~Chris Rice
"Finding who I am in all You are."~Shane & Shane
"Last night, I was thinking about how summer always brings up my loneliness, which brings out the worst parts of me. I guess it makes sense that this is Your doing: letting all my impurities come to light so that You can chip them away and refine me as silver. It's not pleasant, Father, but the lessons You whisper to my heart make the pain worth it."~July 1, 2010
"You see my frustrations and still have so many things to teach me."~July 2, 2010
"God promises rest in heaven with Him for those who do his work. At the end of our lives, we will be judged according to the standards set in the Bible. Though we deserve death and eternal separation, God in His infinite love and mercy, provided a Great High Priest for us through His Son, who intercedes on our behalf in His compassion and mercy!"~Hebrews 4 lessons.
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."~Hebrews 4:16
"We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that, too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the Divine love may rest 'well-pleased'"~C.S. Lewis
Many lessons to come, I am sure. May you continue growing in grace!
Katie
Peace. Love. Happiness. SPOONS!: MDA Summer Camp 2010
MY STORY:
Since June 2008, I have been falling in love with the beautiful people of MDA's annual summer camp. As a result, I began my application process in February so I would have no doubt about attending camp. Yet, despite my eagerness...they just would NOT accept me. I shed a lot of tears from February to June before finally accepting that I just wouldn't get to go to camp in 2010. Then, on June 11th, 8 days before camp, my parents received a letter of my acceptance as a counselor. I was bitter and not wanting to go, but a dear friend gave me a harsh reality talk and, on the morning of June 19th, I headed south from Lawrence to Guthrie, OK. I spent the drive listening to Shane & Shane and praying that God would soften my heart and use me for His glory. When I got to Wichita, though, I got a phone call from MDA chewing me out for not being there on time. I had no idea what this was about, and they hung up before I could question. As I continued driving, my heart filled with a fear of getting to camp and then being sent home. I arrived ready to fight...and was informed that I was a cabin leader.
Uhh...
I was rushed into my duties and informed that I was in charge of Cabin C--the same group of campers I fell in love with at MPH camp last summer! All the stress of getting to camp disappeared as the love for my girls filled my heart. I was in charge of 6 girls, aged 12,13,14,15,16, and 17. Since there was a lack of counselors, I was asked to be counselor for two campers in addition to my cabin leader duties. I chose Emily (because of our bond formed last summer) and her best friend, Savannah. My other campers were Deavonna, Laci, Katelyn, and camp graduate Jamie. The bond that Em, Savannah, Dea, Laci, and I formed last year was even stronger than when we had left each other, and bonds with Jamie and Katy were quickly formed as their beautiful personalities lavished everyone around them with love. Even on my most exhausted days, my wonderful campers would somehow erase my fatigue and fill my heart with unfailing joy! It kept me in awe to see how these once shy little girls have grown into strong, outgoing, and absolutely exquisite young women! The week wasn't easy--I had to deal with dress codes, accident reports, and a counselor from hell--but one glimpse of my six lovely ones made all the stress 100% worth it. I've always heard that every once in a while, if a volunteer sticks around long enough, they find a group of campers that is explicitly theirs, forming a bond of love and sisterhood. I never dreamed I could ever be a part of something so special, yet somehow God saw fit to give me these ladies to love on for a week and pray for and love them still in the year between camps.
The exciting part comes from a night when the MDA staff pulled me aside. I was wary, but they apologized for the stress they had caused and promised me any favor I asked. My answer was immediate: I get to be with these ladies until each one graduates. I am so grateful to be blessed by these girls and am exultant at the thought of all our future inside jokes and experiences in the years to come!
"Your love is extravagant!"
MEMORIES:
Dea was my third child.
Office talks with Savannah.
Letting Laci watch Looney Tunes during the thunderstorm
Always singing with Jamie at lunch
So...I may or may not have stolen a ton of chocolate.
Cussing Thursday never dies!
Playing 'Love Game' and 'Poker Face' at the dance...and Tonia making up explanations for the meanings haha
God-talk with Nikki from MDA
Tonia saw the food...and decided to be a one-night vegetarian
Emily curling up like a rolypoly in her sheets
Mina begging me to start the Austrian song
Grandpa Alistair and his opera bursts!
"All the new counselors look like unhappy Taylor Swifts!" -me to Kyla
Ari and Garrett fought for my friendship, haha
Dea fell in love with a 10 year old :)
I always volunteered to be lifted in training
Turkey pancakes!
Peace, Man!
Dea starting every fake fight with "Katie, your campers are picking on me!"
I was told we were making birdhouses. We planted flowers instead. Hmm.
Sandwiches. Always.
Laci's "dates"
Katy caught her frogs!
Faulty Walkies...ugh!
Me:"KEEP IT G-RATED!"
Girls: "But, Katie....we're all old enough for PG!"
All the girls told me how surprised--and grateful they are--when counselors actually return
NOBODY knew the Black Socks song. Nobody.
Tyler Duffey's quote: "I'm with stupid (aka Caleb)."
Counselor-Jamie was my crying buddy, kept me sane all week!
Activity Leaders dressed in 1970's clothes. All Collin had to do was put on glasses!
Talking with Miss Kristen again
Threatening to throw Emily in the lake, pool, floor, etc....(sorry, Mom...)
"Chauncy! Don't eat the sponges!"
Drive-In Movie bug attack from hell
SPOONS! :D
Dea HATES orange. Emily HATES hamburger meat.
Jamie loves her Panthers!
Helping Dea look groovy with her acid pants
"KATIE OH MY GOSH! Did you know Caleb works in a gas station?!?" -all my lovely girls
Camper Katy, Counselor Katie! Camper Jamie, Counselor Jamie!
I paddled the boat perfectly into harbor! :) But we floated away before gettign pulled in :(
I became an official ipod DJ!
"This sign says *in a bored voice* 'turtle race'. But THIS sign says, 'BOWLING! :D :D :D'"
Everyone thought Savannah was a counselor and Emily's last name was Rogers
Campers caught some MONSTER fish, no joke!
On the final night, I broke rules. I gave goodnight hugs. I'm a rebel.
Casino Night with Chanse from FireLake
Braxton was too short to reach the pedals on our boat ride!
The little boys sang "Baby" :)
CONFUSED, BUT GROOVY!
"You were gone so long, we assumed you were dead. So we came up with creative ways of how you died!"-Emily to me, haha
Dea wrote "My Personality" on a piece of paper. She would then ask people if they liked her personality. If they sad yes, she would hand them the piece of paper, then inform them that even though they liked it, it only worked for her. She also informed us that she got her personality in a box for Christmas, hahaha
"Hiding" in bed every night with my shoes on to avoid not being ready to sleep at curfew
Last year, Emily wouldn't talk. Now, she won't stop! Love it :)
Kyla's failure as a magician's assistant, haha
Dea always sang "Dora the Explorer" songs
FINALLY hearing the troll/gnome/bridge story!
Jammin' Jeff played TobyMac for SAM!
Popsicles at the dance?
Savannah wanted to call home to see what happened on "True Blood" haha
The lunch lady yelled at Garrett for dancing with the ketchup bottle! bahaha
Talking with Thomas and James at the pool
"Man, I got colors that ain't even on the rainbow!"-Savannah and Dea, all week long
Dea kept drawing before and after pics of Emily
Laci wouldn't wake up. I pulled a Mr. Happy and sang the Bedbug Song as loud as I could
Fire Drill....FAIL.
Dea finally told me I've always mispronounced her name....gee...
Laci refused to get on the paddelboat unless we had matching blue life jackets!
Every morning Jamie would wake up, stretch, and say "Good morning Miss Katie! I love you!" Made my mornings :)
Katy and the Molecricket
Emily using my legs as support beams
We actually DIDN'T have eggs every day. Whoa.
Savannah forgot her pillow. For once, I didn't :)
Tonia was my mom :)
'Replay' was our cabin song! :D :D
Jamie Bronson, dancing queen :)
"You trusted my life with Garrett?!? I thought you loved me!"-Emily to me :)
"Repeat after me: I, Deavonna Mitchell, will not stalk little boys that I think are cute!"
Hey, Emily? Are you having as much fun as possible?
SAM!
Foreheads!
Wanting to kidnap my six ladies plus Sam and raise them like Snow White
Nicole, Counselor-Jamie, and the spider in the bathroom story!
Activity leaders spoofed "Fresh Prince"
Twelve Rules of Summer Camp song!
Making everyone beautiful paper flowers
"Katie, I was trying to pray, but the night nurse interrupted me!" -Dea
Forcing the girls to pose for pictures, mwahaha
"My goal in life is to be one of those kids you always see in the background looking like they hate life!"
Accident report forms made me cry my heart out.
Jamie glowing after all the boys wanted to dance with her :)
Having to include a "NO bumper cars in the cabin" rule
"Seriously, life is awesome. I wouldn't change a thing." :')
EVERYTHING was deemed awkward by the ladies...
All my girls got interviewed!
"You have something special with these girls. It's clear they love you and view you not as a cabin leader, but as a sister and friend. They're YOUR girls." :')
Garrett and Texas doing the chicken dance
Dea claimed Collin was our best friend since he was "the only one who ever sat with us".
Savannah saved me the pain of another watch dead in the pool
Emily waited till Wednesday to inform me of a better way to lift her. Thanks, Em :p
Karen from MDA telling us about her love story, haha
"But we kick them to the curb if they don't look like...ALISTAIR!"
"My grandkids don't like the smell of moth balls, but I don't mind it!"
Having to announce the time every ten minutes to the chatty girls on Thursday night
Trying unsuccessfully to steal Laci's Lowe's apron...at the end of the week, I ended up with three aprons!
Admission to the movie: one smile!
Emily and I felt that Savannah and Dea must be clinically insane to not like pickles or bananas!
Giving a warm fuzzy for my suddenly shy girls to Daniel for "having an awesome voice"
Always telling the girls that bad things were "frowned upon"
Collin's job was to explain Random Acts of Kindness to new counselors
I traded my camper for half a bag of sunflower seeds! ;)
Caleb came down to help for the first two days....LOVE that kid!
"Oh my gosh! Katelyn is....Katy?!"
NEVER knowing the OneRepublic song Emily loved
Having to bait poles because new counselors were afraid of worms...Ari, included, in this...
KATY THE DOG! :D
"I'm going to draw a picture of our faces on a rainbow!"
Way too much Justin Beiber...
My song of the week: "Your Love is Extravagant" by Casting Crowns :)
"We hate fish. We hate fishing. We only put it as a goal every year to get counselors off our backs!"
Riding paddleboats all day Tuesday
"I remember when you were just a little thing doing the annual, and now you're a cabin leader and I am SO PROUD!"--Brenda, the nurse that never speaks
Since Happy couldn't be there, he sent a happy face ball for Jamie to have during the Talent Show so that she wouldn't have to sing alone on her last year of camp. She held it and sang to Happy, there in spirit. Everyone who knew about it was bawling the whole time she sang.
Since June 2008, I have been falling in love with the beautiful people of MDA's annual summer camp. As a result, I began my application process in February so I would have no doubt about attending camp. Yet, despite my eagerness...they just would NOT accept me. I shed a lot of tears from February to June before finally accepting that I just wouldn't get to go to camp in 2010. Then, on June 11th, 8 days before camp, my parents received a letter of my acceptance as a counselor. I was bitter and not wanting to go, but a dear friend gave me a harsh reality talk and, on the morning of June 19th, I headed south from Lawrence to Guthrie, OK. I spent the drive listening to Shane & Shane and praying that God would soften my heart and use me for His glory. When I got to Wichita, though, I got a phone call from MDA chewing me out for not being there on time. I had no idea what this was about, and they hung up before I could question. As I continued driving, my heart filled with a fear of getting to camp and then being sent home. I arrived ready to fight...and was informed that I was a cabin leader.
Uhh...
I was rushed into my duties and informed that I was in charge of Cabin C--the same group of campers I fell in love with at MPH camp last summer! All the stress of getting to camp disappeared as the love for my girls filled my heart. I was in charge of 6 girls, aged 12,13,14,15,16, and 17. Since there was a lack of counselors, I was asked to be counselor for two campers in addition to my cabin leader duties. I chose Emily (because of our bond formed last summer) and her best friend, Savannah. My other campers were Deavonna, Laci, Katelyn, and camp graduate Jamie. The bond that Em, Savannah, Dea, Laci, and I formed last year was even stronger than when we had left each other, and bonds with Jamie and Katy were quickly formed as their beautiful personalities lavished everyone around them with love. Even on my most exhausted days, my wonderful campers would somehow erase my fatigue and fill my heart with unfailing joy! It kept me in awe to see how these once shy little girls have grown into strong, outgoing, and absolutely exquisite young women! The week wasn't easy--I had to deal with dress codes, accident reports, and a counselor from hell--but one glimpse of my six lovely ones made all the stress 100% worth it. I've always heard that every once in a while, if a volunteer sticks around long enough, they find a group of campers that is explicitly theirs, forming a bond of love and sisterhood. I never dreamed I could ever be a part of something so special, yet somehow God saw fit to give me these ladies to love on for a week and pray for and love them still in the year between camps.
The exciting part comes from a night when the MDA staff pulled me aside. I was wary, but they apologized for the stress they had caused and promised me any favor I asked. My answer was immediate: I get to be with these ladies until each one graduates. I am so grateful to be blessed by these girls and am exultant at the thought of all our future inside jokes and experiences in the years to come!
"Your love is extravagant!"
MEMORIES:
Dea was my third child.
Office talks with Savannah.
Letting Laci watch Looney Tunes during the thunderstorm
Always singing with Jamie at lunch
So...I may or may not have stolen a ton of chocolate.
Cussing Thursday never dies!
Playing 'Love Game' and 'Poker Face' at the dance...and Tonia making up explanations for the meanings haha
God-talk with Nikki from MDA
Tonia saw the food...and decided to be a one-night vegetarian
Emily curling up like a rolypoly in her sheets
Mina begging me to start the Austrian song
Grandpa Alistair and his opera bursts!
"All the new counselors look like unhappy Taylor Swifts!" -me to Kyla
Ari and Garrett fought for my friendship, haha
Dea fell in love with a 10 year old :)
I always volunteered to be lifted in training
Turkey pancakes!
Peace, Man!
Dea starting every fake fight with "Katie, your campers are picking on me!"
I was told we were making birdhouses. We planted flowers instead. Hmm.
Sandwiches. Always.
Laci's "dates"
Katy caught her frogs!
Faulty Walkies...ugh!
Me:"KEEP IT G-RATED!"
Girls: "But, Katie....we're all old enough for PG!"
All the girls told me how surprised--and grateful they are--when counselors actually return
NOBODY knew the Black Socks song. Nobody.
Tyler Duffey's quote: "I'm with stupid (aka Caleb)."
Counselor-Jamie was my crying buddy, kept me sane all week!
Activity Leaders dressed in 1970's clothes. All Collin had to do was put on glasses!
Talking with Miss Kristen again
Threatening to throw Emily in the lake, pool, floor, etc....(sorry, Mom...)
"Chauncy! Don't eat the sponges!"
Drive-In Movie bug attack from hell
SPOONS! :D
Dea HATES orange. Emily HATES hamburger meat.
Jamie loves her Panthers!
Helping Dea look groovy with her acid pants
"KATIE OH MY GOSH! Did you know Caleb works in a gas station?!?" -all my lovely girls
Camper Katy, Counselor Katie! Camper Jamie, Counselor Jamie!
I paddled the boat perfectly into harbor! :) But we floated away before gettign pulled in :(
I became an official ipod DJ!
"This sign says *in a bored voice* 'turtle race'. But THIS sign says, 'BOWLING! :D :D :D'"
Everyone thought Savannah was a counselor and Emily's last name was Rogers
Campers caught some MONSTER fish, no joke!
On the final night, I broke rules. I gave goodnight hugs. I'm a rebel.
Casino Night with Chanse from FireLake
Braxton was too short to reach the pedals on our boat ride!
The little boys sang "Baby" :)
CONFUSED, BUT GROOVY!
"You were gone so long, we assumed you were dead. So we came up with creative ways of how you died!"-Emily to me, haha
Dea wrote "My Personality" on a piece of paper. She would then ask people if they liked her personality. If they sad yes, she would hand them the piece of paper, then inform them that even though they liked it, it only worked for her. She also informed us that she got her personality in a box for Christmas, hahaha
"Hiding" in bed every night with my shoes on to avoid not being ready to sleep at curfew
Last year, Emily wouldn't talk. Now, she won't stop! Love it :)
Kyla's failure as a magician's assistant, haha
Dea always sang "Dora the Explorer" songs
FINALLY hearing the troll/gnome/bridge story!
Jammin' Jeff played TobyMac for SAM!
Popsicles at the dance?
Savannah wanted to call home to see what happened on "True Blood" haha
The lunch lady yelled at Garrett for dancing with the ketchup bottle! bahaha
Talking with Thomas and James at the pool
"Man, I got colors that ain't even on the rainbow!"-Savannah and Dea, all week long
Dea kept drawing before and after pics of Emily
Laci wouldn't wake up. I pulled a Mr. Happy and sang the Bedbug Song as loud as I could
Fire Drill....FAIL.
Dea finally told me I've always mispronounced her name....gee...
Laci refused to get on the paddelboat unless we had matching blue life jackets!
Every morning Jamie would wake up, stretch, and say "Good morning Miss Katie! I love you!" Made my mornings :)
Katy and the Molecricket
Emily using my legs as support beams
We actually DIDN'T have eggs every day. Whoa.
Savannah forgot her pillow. For once, I didn't :)
Tonia was my mom :)
'Replay' was our cabin song! :D :D
Jamie Bronson, dancing queen :)
"You trusted my life with Garrett?!? I thought you loved me!"-Emily to me :)
"Repeat after me: I, Deavonna Mitchell, will not stalk little boys that I think are cute!"
Hey, Emily? Are you having as much fun as possible?
SAM!
Foreheads!
Wanting to kidnap my six ladies plus Sam and raise them like Snow White
Nicole, Counselor-Jamie, and the spider in the bathroom story!
Activity leaders spoofed "Fresh Prince"
Twelve Rules of Summer Camp song!
Making everyone beautiful paper flowers
"Katie, I was trying to pray, but the night nurse interrupted me!" -Dea
Forcing the girls to pose for pictures, mwahaha
"My goal in life is to be one of those kids you always see in the background looking like they hate life!"
Accident report forms made me cry my heart out.
Jamie glowing after all the boys wanted to dance with her :)
Having to include a "NO bumper cars in the cabin" rule
"Seriously, life is awesome. I wouldn't change a thing." :')
EVERYTHING was deemed awkward by the ladies...
All my girls got interviewed!
"You have something special with these girls. It's clear they love you and view you not as a cabin leader, but as a sister and friend. They're YOUR girls." :')
Garrett and Texas doing the chicken dance
Dea claimed Collin was our best friend since he was "the only one who ever sat with us".
Savannah saved me the pain of another watch dead in the pool
Emily waited till Wednesday to inform me of a better way to lift her. Thanks, Em :p
Karen from MDA telling us about her love story, haha
"But we kick them to the curb if they don't look like...ALISTAIR!"
"My grandkids don't like the smell of moth balls, but I don't mind it!"
Having to announce the time every ten minutes to the chatty girls on Thursday night
Trying unsuccessfully to steal Laci's Lowe's apron...at the end of the week, I ended up with three aprons!
Admission to the movie: one smile!
Emily and I felt that Savannah and Dea must be clinically insane to not like pickles or bananas!
Giving a warm fuzzy for my suddenly shy girls to Daniel for "having an awesome voice"
Always telling the girls that bad things were "frowned upon"
Collin's job was to explain Random Acts of Kindness to new counselors
I traded my camper for half a bag of sunflower seeds! ;)
Caleb came down to help for the first two days....LOVE that kid!
"Oh my gosh! Katelyn is....Katy?!"
NEVER knowing the OneRepublic song Emily loved
Having to bait poles because new counselors were afraid of worms...Ari, included, in this...
KATY THE DOG! :D
"I'm going to draw a picture of our faces on a rainbow!"
Way too much Justin Beiber...
My song of the week: "Your Love is Extravagant" by Casting Crowns :)
"We hate fish. We hate fishing. We only put it as a goal every year to get counselors off our backs!"
Riding paddleboats all day Tuesday
"I remember when you were just a little thing doing the annual, and now you're a cabin leader and I am SO PROUD!"--Brenda, the nurse that never speaks
Since Happy couldn't be there, he sent a happy face ball for Jamie to have during the Talent Show so that she wouldn't have to sing alone on her last year of camp. She held it and sang to Happy, there in spirit. Everyone who knew about it was bawling the whole time she sang.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Beautiful Ending, Unseen
There are some days in life where we end the day victoriously, finishing all our races and falling asleep to the sound of imagined applause as we complete our work for the day. Other days are ended as we crawl on our hands and knees, face almost dragging the ground as we sneak over the finish line banged and bloody.
Today has, emotionally, been like the latter.
Nothing extraordinarily awful happened. I am just currently being confronted with two stressful situations: one concerning a relationship with a friend and one concerning a relationship with an organization. The details are not important; just both weighing a bit on my mind. In the middle afternoon, I headed out to a quiet spot to read my Bible and pray. Afterwards I was feeling a million times lighter and more confident that everything would work out according to God's plans.
Then a friend from the organization-problem called, and I fell into panic again. I decided the best thing to do would be to grab my ipod and hit the road for a 6+ mile run. I ran all the way out to the lake trail and began to feel really great! Once I hit the lake trail, though, searing pain began to pulse through my gimpy short right leg.
Not only did I have two problems on my mind, but I also was 3+ miles away from home and unable to run.
Awesome.
With nothing else to do, I started thinking about the two problems again. No matter which way I cut it, my main struggle came down to the fact that in both situations, I was unsure of the outcome and had no control over any circumstances that would lead to the outcome. I was frustrated and afraid that, even though I knew that God would take care of everything, the ending of the problems would not be beautiful as I hoped.
Suddenly, it was like God was there, whispering directly to my heart, saying: "Just because you can't see the ending I have planned doesn't make it any less beautiful."
Just like that, all my worries faded. I think that simple sentence basically summed up a lot of lessons I've been trying to learn in life: even when I don't know what is happening, I can trust in the One who is writing the biography of my life and can see the beautiful ending that I am unable to see from my present circumstance. He knows my hurt, He knows the beauty that is to come...and I can trust Him with my life and my everything.
Counting it all joy,
Katie
Today has, emotionally, been like the latter.
Nothing extraordinarily awful happened. I am just currently being confronted with two stressful situations: one concerning a relationship with a friend and one concerning a relationship with an organization. The details are not important; just both weighing a bit on my mind. In the middle afternoon, I headed out to a quiet spot to read my Bible and pray. Afterwards I was feeling a million times lighter and more confident that everything would work out according to God's plans.
Then a friend from the organization-problem called, and I fell into panic again. I decided the best thing to do would be to grab my ipod and hit the road for a 6+ mile run. I ran all the way out to the lake trail and began to feel really great! Once I hit the lake trail, though, searing pain began to pulse through my gimpy short right leg.
Not only did I have two problems on my mind, but I also was 3+ miles away from home and unable to run.
Awesome.
With nothing else to do, I started thinking about the two problems again. No matter which way I cut it, my main struggle came down to the fact that in both situations, I was unsure of the outcome and had no control over any circumstances that would lead to the outcome. I was frustrated and afraid that, even though I knew that God would take care of everything, the ending of the problems would not be beautiful as I hoped.
Suddenly, it was like God was there, whispering directly to my heart, saying: "Just because you can't see the ending I have planned doesn't make it any less beautiful."
Just like that, all my worries faded. I think that simple sentence basically summed up a lot of lessons I've been trying to learn in life: even when I don't know what is happening, I can trust in the One who is writing the biography of my life and can see the beautiful ending that I am unable to see from my present circumstance. He knows my hurt, He knows the beauty that is to come...and I can trust Him with my life and my everything.
Counting it all joy,
Katie
Monday, June 7, 2010
Random. Thoughts. 3+4: Music, the Food of Love
My two favorite bands of all time are Elephant Revival and Switchfoot. These two bands are opposite on every single possible realm of the spectrum. Both are super brilliant with great lyrics and musicality.
I have seen Elephant Revival three times and met the band once. I have seen Switchfoot once and have met the band zero times, to my displeasure :(
Right after I turned 16, I hugged two of the four members of Hawk Nelson. I am still eternally appreciative that they wrote a song about a girl named "Katie". Jason Dunn smelled really good :)
I honestly have no idea what my first concert was. I've been to so many awesome ones, and each seems better than the last!
I'm the girl who can listen to the same song on repeat for hours on end and never get tired of it. Whoever I end up marrying will have to be a patient man ;)
Brad Paisley is beautiful. The End.
I love love love the Beatles. I want to meet Paul McCartney and play "Blackbird" as a duet with him.
Speaking of "Blackbird"....9 times out of 10, I will play that song first when picking up a guitar.
One time, I thought this one preacher's kid was cute. He told me he liked Bob Dylan, and I had never heard any Dylan. I started listening and fell in love...with Bob Dylan. The preacher's kid is now married and living some place far away, haha
Last August, me and my Dad went to Grand Prairie, Texas, to see the Bob Dylan Show, including the Wiyos, Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp, and Bob Dylan! It was so hot that I almost passed out before the concert started. Then it started...and was awesome! I took a billion pictures of Nelson/Mellencamp. But when Dylan came on....he was awful. He didn't even play guitar. He sat behind a little organ-thing and grunted. And he didn't even play any of his classics! My heart cried a little bit that night.
I know that everyone in the world seems to love Queen, but I can barely tolerate them. I think I had a nightmare once where I was being chased by Freddie Mercury, and listening to them has just never been the same.
If I could have one wish, I would become an actual musician-person, going about the country with my guitar, a mike, and an amp, and gigging for tip money. Somehow, gigging and traveling would pay the bills and I would do that forever :)
Chris Rice is about 20 (?) years older than me. Despite this fact, I would marry that man in a heartbeat. I believe that his songs come from conversations he has with God. He is so in-tune to emotion and the love of our Father!
Me, Stef, and Audrey went to the Rascal Flatts "Me and My Gang" tour in OKC back in '07. We made matching shirts with our names on them :)
"Pictures at an Exhibition" by Mussorgsky is one of the most brilliant things ever. When I had to write a listening report over it for Theory I, it stretched for at least 3 pages.
Every time I hear "Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher, I want to jump up and scream praises at the top of my lungs :)
You know you've been to a good concert when you have tears in your eyes at some point of the show because the music has touched you deep inside :)
I think I need to hire somebody to sit beside me and help me make wise decisions when I get on iTunes. I am a horrible impulse-buyer when it comes to music. I rationalize thinking "I can totally use this sometime!" When I listen the next day, I realize how absolutely awful my choice was and that the song I bought is really just crap.
I believe that if you listen to the Tenth Avenue North CD, you will hear the complete gospel in 10 songs. Their lyrics are absolutely stunning.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T must ALWAYS be sung at the top of your lungs, with as much soul as you can muster ;)
I really don't like Green Day, but they always bring back fond memories of me, Matt, and Tyler sitting in the back of the band bus and thinking we were so cool for listening to Green Day's greatest hits :)
Every memory I have can be accompanied by the music I loved when the memory was made. Weird, yes.
Jon Foreman is my absolute favorite singe. He has a beautiful musical soul. Every song he writes has lyrics that are inspired by God with music that is creative and innovative. If I ever got to meet him, I would probably be so wired I wouldn't be able to speak.
Last summer, I wrote a song for the littlest kids' class at Sunray VBS. It was really cheesy, and I hoped it would die after VBS was over. Nope. The kiddos still run up and sing it to me everytime I go back home. The lyrics? "Doctor, doctor, how are you?/Can you show me something new?/Check my eyes and check my nose/Even check between my toes/Check my lungs and then please start/To check right now inside my heart/In there something new you'll see/That Jesus lives inside of me! :D
I collect hymnals. I try to get them from every place I go. Each one is so different, and so beautiful. The only one that I carry with me everywhere is the one from Sunray. I painted the spine black so I could always find it. Inside, all my notes and chord progressions are penciled in amongst a million handwritten notes. It's a total mess to anybody but me.
I would absolutely love to see The Fray in concert!
My favorite song ever, What Wondrous Love is This. Beautiful, powerful, and what I will sing when I am in Heaven before the throne of my Savior :)
I have seen Elephant Revival three times and met the band once. I have seen Switchfoot once and have met the band zero times, to my displeasure :(
Right after I turned 16, I hugged two of the four members of Hawk Nelson. I am still eternally appreciative that they wrote a song about a girl named "Katie". Jason Dunn smelled really good :)
I honestly have no idea what my first concert was. I've been to so many awesome ones, and each seems better than the last!
I'm the girl who can listen to the same song on repeat for hours on end and never get tired of it. Whoever I end up marrying will have to be a patient man ;)
Brad Paisley is beautiful. The End.
I love love love the Beatles. I want to meet Paul McCartney and play "Blackbird" as a duet with him.
Speaking of "Blackbird"....9 times out of 10, I will play that song first when picking up a guitar.
One time, I thought this one preacher's kid was cute. He told me he liked Bob Dylan, and I had never heard any Dylan. I started listening and fell in love...with Bob Dylan. The preacher's kid is now married and living some place far away, haha
Last August, me and my Dad went to Grand Prairie, Texas, to see the Bob Dylan Show, including the Wiyos, Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp, and Bob Dylan! It was so hot that I almost passed out before the concert started. Then it started...and was awesome! I took a billion pictures of Nelson/Mellencamp. But when Dylan came on....he was awful. He didn't even play guitar. He sat behind a little organ-thing and grunted. And he didn't even play any of his classics! My heart cried a little bit that night.
I know that everyone in the world seems to love Queen, but I can barely tolerate them. I think I had a nightmare once where I was being chased by Freddie Mercury, and listening to them has just never been the same.
If I could have one wish, I would become an actual musician-person, going about the country with my guitar, a mike, and an amp, and gigging for tip money. Somehow, gigging and traveling would pay the bills and I would do that forever :)
Chris Rice is about 20 (?) years older than me. Despite this fact, I would marry that man in a heartbeat. I believe that his songs come from conversations he has with God. He is so in-tune to emotion and the love of our Father!
Me, Stef, and Audrey went to the Rascal Flatts "Me and My Gang" tour in OKC back in '07. We made matching shirts with our names on them :)
"Pictures at an Exhibition" by Mussorgsky is one of the most brilliant things ever. When I had to write a listening report over it for Theory I, it stretched for at least 3 pages.
Every time I hear "Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher, I want to jump up and scream praises at the top of my lungs :)
You know you've been to a good concert when you have tears in your eyes at some point of the show because the music has touched you deep inside :)
I think I need to hire somebody to sit beside me and help me make wise decisions when I get on iTunes. I am a horrible impulse-buyer when it comes to music. I rationalize thinking "I can totally use this sometime!" When I listen the next day, I realize how absolutely awful my choice was and that the song I bought is really just crap.
I believe that if you listen to the Tenth Avenue North CD, you will hear the complete gospel in 10 songs. Their lyrics are absolutely stunning.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T must ALWAYS be sung at the top of your lungs, with as much soul as you can muster ;)
I really don't like Green Day, but they always bring back fond memories of me, Matt, and Tyler sitting in the back of the band bus and thinking we were so cool for listening to Green Day's greatest hits :)
Every memory I have can be accompanied by the music I loved when the memory was made. Weird, yes.
Jon Foreman is my absolute favorite singe. He has a beautiful musical soul. Every song he writes has lyrics that are inspired by God with music that is creative and innovative. If I ever got to meet him, I would probably be so wired I wouldn't be able to speak.
Last summer, I wrote a song for the littlest kids' class at Sunray VBS. It was really cheesy, and I hoped it would die after VBS was over. Nope. The kiddos still run up and sing it to me everytime I go back home. The lyrics? "Doctor, doctor, how are you?/Can you show me something new?/Check my eyes and check my nose/Even check between my toes/Check my lungs and then please start/To check right now inside my heart/In there something new you'll see/That Jesus lives inside of me! :D
I collect hymnals. I try to get them from every place I go. Each one is so different, and so beautiful. The only one that I carry with me everywhere is the one from Sunray. I painted the spine black so I could always find it. Inside, all my notes and chord progressions are penciled in amongst a million handwritten notes. It's a total mess to anybody but me.
I would absolutely love to see The Fray in concert!
My favorite song ever, What Wondrous Love is This. Beautiful, powerful, and what I will sing when I am in Heaven before the throne of my Savior :)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wait
Like most people in the United States of America, I have serious troubles with the inevitable waiting periods that spring up in our lives.
Waiting at stoplights.
Waiting in lines.
Waiting for friends.
Waiting to go somewhere.
Waiting to eat.
Waiting for our computers to load.
Etc, etc, etc.
I have gotten better in my patience for items such as the above (well....still struggling with stoplight patience). But waiting for actual important things, waiting for direction in where to go in life...not good at patience there AT ALL. I have always struggled with summer, because I tend to feel like it is always a lull in life, a mundane in-between for the larger events of life.
Currently, it is summer. And currently, I am waiting.
I can't even explain it, but I feel like I'm about to die from restlessness. Nothing in the present time is concrete. All of my plans are currently resting on future events.
Do I follow through with taking this summer class? Not sure; have to wait for my financial aid report to come back and reveal whether or not I can afford summer education.
Do I apply for more jobs, or did I get the ideal School of Music job I applied for and (hopefully) am overtly-qualified to get? Not sure; have to wait to be told whether or not I was hired.
Do I go home right now, like I'm really wanting to? I can't; waiting for a meeting I signed up to attend on Thursday.
What am I supposed to sing at this concert next weekend? Do I sing my own songs which are my praise songs to the Father, or do I sing the hymns that are beautiful, but not as personal?
Then there are more obscure questions:
If God gave me the "Ok" to be in Lawrence this summer, why am I feeling so homesick for Purcell, where I would be apart from my church family and would spend the summer doing nothing more than I am already doing?
Why does *a certain person* keep appearing in my life when I have tried so hard to let him go? Is this God, or my own stubborn will?
Why am I still waiting for one of my best guy friends to return to our normal friendship?
Am I going to be accepted into MDA camp? More appropriately, why is it so difficult to volunteer this year when my heart belongs to individuals affected by MD?
These are just a few of my struggles with patience. I am currently frustrated, restless, in need of a good cry, in need of a good hug, and just wanting to find rest. That's another thing to wait for: the day when I will finally see my Maker face-to-face and will be able to stay focused on Him alone for eternity.
Waiting at stoplights.
Waiting in lines.
Waiting for friends.
Waiting to go somewhere.
Waiting to eat.
Waiting for our computers to load.
Etc, etc, etc.
I have gotten better in my patience for items such as the above (well....still struggling with stoplight patience). But waiting for actual important things, waiting for direction in where to go in life...not good at patience there AT ALL. I have always struggled with summer, because I tend to feel like it is always a lull in life, a mundane in-between for the larger events of life.
Currently, it is summer. And currently, I am waiting.
I can't even explain it, but I feel like I'm about to die from restlessness. Nothing in the present time is concrete. All of my plans are currently resting on future events.
Do I follow through with taking this summer class? Not sure; have to wait for my financial aid report to come back and reveal whether or not I can afford summer education.
Do I apply for more jobs, or did I get the ideal School of Music job I applied for and (hopefully) am overtly-qualified to get? Not sure; have to wait to be told whether or not I was hired.
Do I go home right now, like I'm really wanting to? I can't; waiting for a meeting I signed up to attend on Thursday.
What am I supposed to sing at this concert next weekend? Do I sing my own songs which are my praise songs to the Father, or do I sing the hymns that are beautiful, but not as personal?
Then there are more obscure questions:
If God gave me the "Ok" to be in Lawrence this summer, why am I feeling so homesick for Purcell, where I would be apart from my church family and would spend the summer doing nothing more than I am already doing?
Why does *a certain person* keep appearing in my life when I have tried so hard to let him go? Is this God, or my own stubborn will?
Why am I still waiting for one of my best guy friends to return to our normal friendship?
Am I going to be accepted into MDA camp? More appropriately, why is it so difficult to volunteer this year when my heart belongs to individuals affected by MD?
These are just a few of my struggles with patience. I am currently frustrated, restless, in need of a good cry, in need of a good hug, and just wanting to find rest. That's another thing to wait for: the day when I will finally see my Maker face-to-face and will be able to stay focused on Him alone for eternity.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Random. Thoughts. Seis: Super Awesome Quesadilla Party! ;)
Universe, I surrender. I will flipping watch LOST. I am 7 episodes into season 2, and due to my constantly curious nature and the inability of friends to just tell me what the deal is with the island, I am going to sacrifice my sanity to satiate my curiosity. Universe, 1. Katie, 0.
College has made me become an addict to chocolate soy milk. Yummm.
Before summer is over, a kiddie pool bubble party will ensue, I swear to it.
I feel that if someone had no knowledge of Christianity and listened to the Tenth Avenue North CD "By Your Side", they would not only learn who God is, but feel the strong desire to accept Him in their lives. Every song on that album is so scripturally sound and profound.
Supposedly, the dorm I lived in all last year (Corbin) is one of the most haunted places in Lawrence. So THAT'S why my doors would open and shut randomly at all hours of the day and night! (just kidding, no paranormal activity happened there:)
Although, speaking of that...this one November morning in my dorm room, when I was all alone, I heard a thump at about 5 am. I sat up but, seeing nothing, went back to sleep. When I woke up a few hours later, a banana that had been brand new and on my microwave when I fell asleep was in front of my closet all the way across the room, solid black from apparent age, despite the fact that the other bananas were still yellow. Oh, man...
I'm begining to believe I am a legitimate photographer. This is probably not a good thing for the sanity of those around me. My camera is constantly out and on.
Going back to my high school's graduation made me very cynical. I hated the feeling.
The other night, me and the rest of the five buddies each wrote down our standards for the guy we want to win our hearts. My list made me smile in anticipation of discovering who the awesome man is that God has for me to give my heart to :)
Why is it illegal to put prepositions at the end of a sentence?!? To quote Mrs. Courtney Green: "English is just something invented by old dead guys."
Within the last four days or so, I have discovered John Mayer for the first time. I am positively in love with the Continuum album.
I don't care what scientists say. I know that we must dream in color.
The summer before my senior year, I put in almost 600 hours of volunteer work. I like living a purposeful life. Summer drives me crazy if I just sit around doing nothing.
Apple Cranberry Raspberry juice by Minute Maid is the greatest stuff ever. No contest.
True conversation follows.
Katie: "What's the name of the most famous Eminem song? Like the one that I know?"
Tyler: "The Real Slim Shady."
Katie: "No, but what's the title of the song?"
Tyler:..."The Real Slim Shady."
Katie: "Ohh. For some reason I keep getting that mixed up with Beyonce."
I get cold really easily. It's not weird to see me wearing a jacket in 70 degree weather.
My favorite teacher in college so far just moved to Michigan :(
Am I a nerd for jumping and screaming in excitement when, during the surprise scene after Iron Man 2, I realized the next Marvel movie will be about Thor, and then explained it to all my friends?
Alyssa's new name is Tom Tom. I would be very lost without her. :)
My favorite flowers are tulips and daisies. These are also the flowers mentioned in the song "Firefly" by Jimmy Needham :)
C.S. Lewis may have been one of the most intuitive and genius men in modern history. I read his works and then have to sit back for at least an hour to reflect on his astounding views.
I recently discovered that James Earl Jones recorded himself reading the Bible. How awesome is that?
My new goal in life is to become skillfull at more than just chords on guitar. I am currently trying to learn the pluck/snap thing john mayer does on "heart of life". It's super difficult and makes me go crazy :p
I really want to see a tornado. Really really really.
Currently, I am covered in bruises. I think I beat myself in my sleep.
Shutter Island is the worst movie of all time.
Casablanca is the best movie of all time.
I should probably go take a shower now, because I went on a really long run earlier in humid weather, and since it's midnight I'm tired....goodnight world! :)
College has made me become an addict to chocolate soy milk. Yummm.
Before summer is over, a kiddie pool bubble party will ensue, I swear to it.
I feel that if someone had no knowledge of Christianity and listened to the Tenth Avenue North CD "By Your Side", they would not only learn who God is, but feel the strong desire to accept Him in their lives. Every song on that album is so scripturally sound and profound.
Supposedly, the dorm I lived in all last year (Corbin) is one of the most haunted places in Lawrence. So THAT'S why my doors would open and shut randomly at all hours of the day and night! (just kidding, no paranormal activity happened there:)
Although, speaking of that...this one November morning in my dorm room, when I was all alone, I heard a thump at about 5 am. I sat up but, seeing nothing, went back to sleep. When I woke up a few hours later, a banana that had been brand new and on my microwave when I fell asleep was in front of my closet all the way across the room, solid black from apparent age, despite the fact that the other bananas were still yellow. Oh, man...
I'm begining to believe I am a legitimate photographer. This is probably not a good thing for the sanity of those around me. My camera is constantly out and on.
Going back to my high school's graduation made me very cynical. I hated the feeling.
The other night, me and the rest of the five buddies each wrote down our standards for the guy we want to win our hearts. My list made me smile in anticipation of discovering who the awesome man is that God has for me to give my heart to :)
Why is it illegal to put prepositions at the end of a sentence?!? To quote Mrs. Courtney Green: "English is just something invented by old dead guys."
Within the last four days or so, I have discovered John Mayer for the first time. I am positively in love with the Continuum album.
I don't care what scientists say. I know that we must dream in color.
The summer before my senior year, I put in almost 600 hours of volunteer work. I like living a purposeful life. Summer drives me crazy if I just sit around doing nothing.
Apple Cranberry Raspberry juice by Minute Maid is the greatest stuff ever. No contest.
True conversation follows.
Katie: "What's the name of the most famous Eminem song? Like the one that I know?"
Tyler: "The Real Slim Shady."
Katie: "No, but what's the title of the song?"
Tyler:..."The Real Slim Shady."
Katie: "Ohh. For some reason I keep getting that mixed up with Beyonce."
I get cold really easily. It's not weird to see me wearing a jacket in 70 degree weather.
My favorite teacher in college so far just moved to Michigan :(
Am I a nerd for jumping and screaming in excitement when, during the surprise scene after Iron Man 2, I realized the next Marvel movie will be about Thor, and then explained it to all my friends?
Alyssa's new name is Tom Tom. I would be very lost without her. :)
My favorite flowers are tulips and daisies. These are also the flowers mentioned in the song "Firefly" by Jimmy Needham :)
C.S. Lewis may have been one of the most intuitive and genius men in modern history. I read his works and then have to sit back for at least an hour to reflect on his astounding views.
I recently discovered that James Earl Jones recorded himself reading the Bible. How awesome is that?
My new goal in life is to become skillfull at more than just chords on guitar. I am currently trying to learn the pluck/snap thing john mayer does on "heart of life". It's super difficult and makes me go crazy :p
I really want to see a tornado. Really really really.
Currently, I am covered in bruises. I think I beat myself in my sleep.
Shutter Island is the worst movie of all time.
Casablanca is the best movie of all time.
I should probably go take a shower now, because I went on a really long run earlier in humid weather, and since it's midnight I'm tired....goodnight world! :)
Saved to the Uttermost:Ten Years After Accepting God (or, The Beauty of May 24th)
Often, when people share their testimony (or story of how they came to accept the fact that they needed God in their lives), there is some dramatic story of a wayward life discovering redemption and making a complete 180-turn from their sinful ways. My testimony is nothing spectacular as far as great stories go, and would definitely be turned down by moviemakers or authors or anyone seeking fame through a good story. I was only nine years old when I accepted Christ as my Savior, entering into the greatest adventure and relationship of my life. This simple, yet powerful, statement declares the crux of the situation: I was a sinner, I surrendered my life, a relationship began. And even though it may not be a NY Times bestselling story, the steps leading to my first steps of Christianity are very clear and dear to my heart.
I believe I have been in church from the week or two after my birth. God blessed me with Christian, God-fearing parents who dedicated me to God before the church long before I was conscious of my need for a Savior. I grew up going to church every Sunday and Wednesday night, in addition to being at the church several other nights each week as my parents volunteered their time for God. When I was three years old, my Mom got hired as the English teacher at Christian Crusaders Academy, meaning I could start preschool a little early in yet another Christian environment. Each school day started and ended with stories from the Bible and lessons about Jesus. Naturally curious, I would plague my poor teachers with a million questions about heaven, God, and Biblical heroes. They put up with me lovingly, and taught me just as my Sunday School teachers did. When I reached kindergarten, our teacher, Mrs. Gambill, gave us a special Bible lesson about how Jesus died on the cross so that we could find life and forgiveness and a way to His Father. I remember she asked the class if we were interested in knowing more about salvation--everyone but me raised their hands. Something in the back of my mind told me not to say that I wanted this salvation-stuff if I still didn't understand it. I wanted to be positively certain of what I thought before I followed the crowd. Later that day, my Mom and Mrs. Gambill were talking about how some students had come to accept Jesus in their hearts during class. I remember my Mom asking me if I had, and Mrs. Gambill said that if I had, she would have come down to my Mom's classroom in cartwheels. I didn't know what cartwheels were, and, assuming they had something to do with the wheeled carts that carried books around in the building, I became mildly curious as to what salvation had to do with my teacher riding around on book carriers.
My knowledge and curiosity about Christianity faded for a couple of years. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I believe that towards the end of my 8th year, my parents began asking me often if I was thinking about accepting Christ in my heart. Being rather rebellious, I would always adamently say no, before dropping the matter from my mind. Then one night, I remember hearing them pray that, when the time was right, God would open my mind and help me in finding Him. I begin to feel a twinge of stirring in my heart, wondering how I could possibly be missing something in my hihgly Christian environment. I chewed on my thoughts for several months until the May after I turned nine. My parents were very interested in the Southern Gospel music scene, and toted me all around the state to various concerts during the formative years of my life. This concert in May featured the McLaughlin Brothers, in addition to really famous Gospel pioneers, such as Ernie Haase, JD Sumner and the Stamps, and lots of other musical people who are now gone. My parents were really excited about it, but I could barely hear the music. God was convicting me of my need of Him, and it was grating on my little 9-year-old heart. I waited until intermission when my Mom and I went to the bathroom before asking her how old she had been when she had "gotten saved." She told me she had been 24 (? is that right?), and my heart became discouraged, somehow thinking that, as a 9-year-old, I would still have to wait 15 years to get this off my chest. She asked if I was ready to accept Christ, and I refused once again. It was a Saturday night, and I figured I would wait until the next morning at church to ask my Sunday School teacher about it.
Sunday School came and went, and still I stayed silent. During this time of life, I was painfully shy and hated to talk to anyone outside of my family. Surely if God wanted me to accept Him in my life, I wouldn't have to talk to anybody to ask what was happening in my heart! That Sunday started a revival at Sunray, with Kenneth Bobo preaching. I don't remember Sunday or Monday, but on Tuesday...I remember deciding that morning that I would go up front during Revival that night and finally ask Jesus to be my Savior and live in my heart. I finally felt courageous enough to make the decision, and was ready to go forward! That night, though, Brother Bobo taught a lesson about David and Bathsheba. I didn't know what adultery was exactly, but I knew it was something really bad. I just couldn't become a Christian due to a sermon about something like adultery! Miserably, I went home with my parents and cried myself to sleep, afraid that I would never get to become a Chrsitian.
The next day flew by in a blur, I don't even remember anything about it. I don't know what the sermon was about, and I don't know anything about the service. I just remember that when the music begin, I tugged on my Mom's arms and had her rush with me up to the front. Dennis, our regular pastor, talked to me for a bit, asking me if I understood and wanted Christ in my life. I responded by going straight to the altar, kneeling down, and praying quite simply, "Jesus, please come into my heart." In later years, I have heard many people pray elaborate prayers or salvation, acknowledging their great sin and greater need for freedom. At the age of nine, I wasn't concerned with that. I just knew that I desperately wanted God, and I wanted Him as soon as possible. And that's how on Wednesday, May 24, 2000, I accepted Christ into my heart, taking the first steps toward a life-long adventure and relationship with my Creator.
All that happened next was chaos in the church. All the older ladies who had watched me grow up came forward in the line to hold me close to their chest while happy tears streamed from their eyes. I was rather afraid, but inside I knew they all loved me, and I loved them. My heart seemed to be swelling with all the love from those tangible people around me and the love from the One I could now call 'Father'. After everyone had hugged me, Dennis took me over to the first pew and opened my Bible to John 5:24 and marked it as a memorial verse, writing the date of my re-birth over top (I remember feeling so special, that was MY verse, since the numbers of the verse coincided with the date I got saved--May (5) 24, John 5:24). After we left chruch, my parents had me call all the extended family and my current schoolteacher (and future uth minister's wife) to tell them my news. I was terrified of having to talk to so many people in one night, and really wished I didn't have to follow the hymn and "tell the world that I'm a Christian". Still, the word 'Christian' tasted good on my tongue as I realized that the term belonged to me, and I belonged to Him. I remember going to bed that night and singing a Poet Voices song until I drifted to sleep: "I'm saved to the uttermost, I know that I am washed in the blood of the precious Lamb. Through the Father, through the Son, through the Holy Ghost, I am saved to the uttermost."
Thus began my journey, and the constant re-molding into the woman that God wants me to become. It's not always been easy, but the life I've lived in Christ is so much more abundant, so much more beautiful, than life without Him could ever be ("I've come so that you may have life, and have it more abundantly!" John 10:10). Surrendering my life to God was the best and most important decision I have ever made or will ever make in my life. I have never regretted it, and am still looking to the future in anticipation of what God is doing and will be doing in my life for the rest of my days. I pray that my life may be a living reflection of who He is, and that I may exemplify grace and a sample of His perfect love in my daily life and interactions with others. I am definitely aware of my own depravity and failures, but I am also aware of His healing power and desire to draw me closer to Him. If you have not surrendered your life to the true living God, please do not delay. He is there, He is alive, and He desires a personal relationship with you so that you may be His. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me, or another trusted Christian friend, who can help you on your spiritual journey.
I promise you won't regret it.
"Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life." ~John 5:24
I believe I have been in church from the week or two after my birth. God blessed me with Christian, God-fearing parents who dedicated me to God before the church long before I was conscious of my need for a Savior. I grew up going to church every Sunday and Wednesday night, in addition to being at the church several other nights each week as my parents volunteered their time for God. When I was three years old, my Mom got hired as the English teacher at Christian Crusaders Academy, meaning I could start preschool a little early in yet another Christian environment. Each school day started and ended with stories from the Bible and lessons about Jesus. Naturally curious, I would plague my poor teachers with a million questions about heaven, God, and Biblical heroes. They put up with me lovingly, and taught me just as my Sunday School teachers did. When I reached kindergarten, our teacher, Mrs. Gambill, gave us a special Bible lesson about how Jesus died on the cross so that we could find life and forgiveness and a way to His Father. I remember she asked the class if we were interested in knowing more about salvation--everyone but me raised their hands. Something in the back of my mind told me not to say that I wanted this salvation-stuff if I still didn't understand it. I wanted to be positively certain of what I thought before I followed the crowd. Later that day, my Mom and Mrs. Gambill were talking about how some students had come to accept Jesus in their hearts during class. I remember my Mom asking me if I had, and Mrs. Gambill said that if I had, she would have come down to my Mom's classroom in cartwheels. I didn't know what cartwheels were, and, assuming they had something to do with the wheeled carts that carried books around in the building, I became mildly curious as to what salvation had to do with my teacher riding around on book carriers.
My knowledge and curiosity about Christianity faded for a couple of years. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I believe that towards the end of my 8th year, my parents began asking me often if I was thinking about accepting Christ in my heart. Being rather rebellious, I would always adamently say no, before dropping the matter from my mind. Then one night, I remember hearing them pray that, when the time was right, God would open my mind and help me in finding Him. I begin to feel a twinge of stirring in my heart, wondering how I could possibly be missing something in my hihgly Christian environment. I chewed on my thoughts for several months until the May after I turned nine. My parents were very interested in the Southern Gospel music scene, and toted me all around the state to various concerts during the formative years of my life. This concert in May featured the McLaughlin Brothers, in addition to really famous Gospel pioneers, such as Ernie Haase, JD Sumner and the Stamps, and lots of other musical people who are now gone. My parents were really excited about it, but I could barely hear the music. God was convicting me of my need of Him, and it was grating on my little 9-year-old heart. I waited until intermission when my Mom and I went to the bathroom before asking her how old she had been when she had "gotten saved." She told me she had been 24 (? is that right?), and my heart became discouraged, somehow thinking that, as a 9-year-old, I would still have to wait 15 years to get this off my chest. She asked if I was ready to accept Christ, and I refused once again. It was a Saturday night, and I figured I would wait until the next morning at church to ask my Sunday School teacher about it.
Sunday School came and went, and still I stayed silent. During this time of life, I was painfully shy and hated to talk to anyone outside of my family. Surely if God wanted me to accept Him in my life, I wouldn't have to talk to anybody to ask what was happening in my heart! That Sunday started a revival at Sunray, with Kenneth Bobo preaching. I don't remember Sunday or Monday, but on Tuesday...I remember deciding that morning that I would go up front during Revival that night and finally ask Jesus to be my Savior and live in my heart. I finally felt courageous enough to make the decision, and was ready to go forward! That night, though, Brother Bobo taught a lesson about David and Bathsheba. I didn't know what adultery was exactly, but I knew it was something really bad. I just couldn't become a Christian due to a sermon about something like adultery! Miserably, I went home with my parents and cried myself to sleep, afraid that I would never get to become a Chrsitian.
The next day flew by in a blur, I don't even remember anything about it. I don't know what the sermon was about, and I don't know anything about the service. I just remember that when the music begin, I tugged on my Mom's arms and had her rush with me up to the front. Dennis, our regular pastor, talked to me for a bit, asking me if I understood and wanted Christ in my life. I responded by going straight to the altar, kneeling down, and praying quite simply, "Jesus, please come into my heart." In later years, I have heard many people pray elaborate prayers or salvation, acknowledging their great sin and greater need for freedom. At the age of nine, I wasn't concerned with that. I just knew that I desperately wanted God, and I wanted Him as soon as possible. And that's how on Wednesday, May 24, 2000, I accepted Christ into my heart, taking the first steps toward a life-long adventure and relationship with my Creator.
All that happened next was chaos in the church. All the older ladies who had watched me grow up came forward in the line to hold me close to their chest while happy tears streamed from their eyes. I was rather afraid, but inside I knew they all loved me, and I loved them. My heart seemed to be swelling with all the love from those tangible people around me and the love from the One I could now call 'Father'. After everyone had hugged me, Dennis took me over to the first pew and opened my Bible to John 5:24 and marked it as a memorial verse, writing the date of my re-birth over top (I remember feeling so special, that was MY verse, since the numbers of the verse coincided with the date I got saved--May (5) 24, John 5:24). After we left chruch, my parents had me call all the extended family and my current schoolteacher (and future uth minister's wife) to tell them my news. I was terrified of having to talk to so many people in one night, and really wished I didn't have to follow the hymn and "tell the world that I'm a Christian". Still, the word 'Christian' tasted good on my tongue as I realized that the term belonged to me, and I belonged to Him. I remember going to bed that night and singing a Poet Voices song until I drifted to sleep: "I'm saved to the uttermost, I know that I am washed in the blood of the precious Lamb. Through the Father, through the Son, through the Holy Ghost, I am saved to the uttermost."
Thus began my journey, and the constant re-molding into the woman that God wants me to become. It's not always been easy, but the life I've lived in Christ is so much more abundant, so much more beautiful, than life without Him could ever be ("I've come so that you may have life, and have it more abundantly!" John 10:10). Surrendering my life to God was the best and most important decision I have ever made or will ever make in my life. I have never regretted it, and am still looking to the future in anticipation of what God is doing and will be doing in my life for the rest of my days. I pray that my life may be a living reflection of who He is, and that I may exemplify grace and a sample of His perfect love in my daily life and interactions with others. I am definitely aware of my own depravity and failures, but I am also aware of His healing power and desire to draw me closer to Him. If you have not surrendered your life to the true living God, please do not delay. He is there, He is alive, and He desires a personal relationship with you so that you may be His. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me, or another trusted Christian friend, who can help you on your spiritual journey.
I promise you won't regret it.
"Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life." ~John 5:24
Monday, April 26, 2010
Bucket List.....and some more random goals that sometimes are remembered
Here it is, my list of things to do before dying. If you can help me conquer any of these, PLEASE let me know!
100. Say 'hello' in 50 languages
99. Run a half marathon (accomplished 4/18/10)
98. Witness a solar eclipse
97. See the Sydney Opera House
96. Meet Charles Martin
95. Attend the Olympics
94. Go storm chasing
93. Climb an active volcano
92. See the big statue of Christ in Brazil
91. Ride a camel (accomplished 4/3/09)
90. Have a picnic in Central Park (accomplished 5/8/09)
89. Visit Salvation Mountain in California
88. Ride a unicycle
87. Learn how to juggle
86. Write a letter to the president (accomplished 1/25/09)
85. Own a chinchilla
84. Have a part in a Disney movie
83. Visit every town in Oklahoma
82. See all 50 states
81. Go on a ride-along with a cop
80. Kick a pig
79. Fly in a hot air balloon
78. Jump into a fountain (accomplished 9/2/09)
77. See a breaching whale
76. Visit a castle
75. Learn how to surf
74. Go snowboarding
73. Go skiing
72. Be in a band
71. Learn how to play poker (accomplished 1/12/09)
70. See the Sistene Chapel
69. Drive a school bus once
68. Learn to French braid my daughter's hair
67. See a manatee (accomplished 5/19/10)
66. Climb to the top of a rock wall (accomplished 8/30/09)
65. Spelunking
64. Put a guitar pick on Buddy Holly's grave
63. Visit the White House
62. Catch a guitar pick at a concert
61. Bungee jumping
60. Cliff diving
59. Stand under a waterfall
58. Watch my car go backwards up the hill by Ardmore (accomplished 8/7/09)
57. Learn the constellations
56. Play paintball
55. Build a treehouse
54. Feed a venus fly trap
53. Play all 1030 songs in the Songs of Faith and Praise hymnal (accomplished 1/11/09)
52. Perform in front of a crowd of people (accomplished 6/13/09)
51. Paint with oil paints
50. Donate blood (accomplished 9/24/09)
49. Touch a moon rock
48. Eat freeze-dried ice cream (accomplished 10/15/08)
47. Wear a princess dress to my senior prom (accomplished 4/18/09)
46. Drive through a redwood tree in California
45. Write a song with somebody else
44. Teach my kids music
43. Take my kids to the zoo
42. Swim at the Blue Whale Swimming Hole in Catoosa, OK
41. Meet/get a picture with a Blue Man
40. Live in Chicago or another big city
39. Dance in a thunderstorm
38. Eat a philly cheese steak in Philadelphia
37. Climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
36. Look through the Keck Telescope
35. Drive a 1958 Chevrolet Viking
34. Make a blanket for someone else (accomplished 5/27/09)
33. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
32. Walk on the Great Wall of China
31. Make my own outfit
30. Stand on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls
29. Swim with dolphins
28. See a Broadway play (accomplished 5/7/09)
27. Read all of Shakespeare's works
26. Camp on the plains
25. Record a CD
24. Go scuba diving
23. Memorize a book of the Bible
22. Ride a motorcycle (accomplished 3/17/09)
21. Play the violin (accomplished 7/3/09)
20. Kiss the Blarney Stone
19. Take a European vacation
18. Drive my 1958 Chevy Fleetside Apache down Route 66
17. Visit the Elephant building in Margate, New Jersey
16. Sail in the Caribbean
15. Publish a book
14. Hike in the Rocky Mountains
13. Go skydiving
12. Fly the glider from Fly Away Home
11. Fly in an airplane
10. Meet/get a picture with David Cook
9. Take a road trip with my friends (accomplished 7/20--23/09)
8. Audition for American Idol with Manuel
7. Graduate college
6. Graduate high school (accomplished 5/22/09)
5. Work in a children's hospital
4. Become a music therapist
3. Go to the University of Kansas (accomplished 8/20/09)
2. Be a mom
1. Get married
The following is a list I made AFTER the above list of other things that I would like to do, though I sometimes forget the things on this list...oops.
1. Listen to my Dad's favorite CD all the way through (accomplished 6/13/09)
2. See The Fray in concert
3. Attend a concert of a Rock and Roll Hall of Famer (John Mellencamp and Wanda Jackson, 2x each)
4. Visit London
5. Buy an electric guitar (8/2/09; thanks Tyler!)
6. Eat a Big Mac (accomplished 4/30/2010)
7. Study Astronomy, novice-ly
8. Stand at Four Corners
9. Stay in the Wigwam Motel
10. Fast for a day
11. Attend a bonfire
12. Ride a segway (accomplished 3/14/09)
13. Attend a St. Patty's Day festival in Ireland
14. Skip in NYC like Buddy the Elf (accomplished 5/8/09)
15. See Bob Dylan in concert (accomplished 8/7/09)
16. Kiss my two best guy friends on the cheek at graduation (accomplished 5/22/09)
17. Catch a bouquet at a wedding (accomplished 6/5/09)
18. Go back to Disney World
19. See all the Star Wars movies, and figure out why it's a big deal
20. Go driving for a whole day with the intention of getting lost
21. Suck helium
22. Buy a Chris Tomlin CD
23. Climb on the outside of a building
24. Run a 5K
(*25. Spoof videos with Alyssa ;)
100. Say 'hello' in 50 languages
99. Run a half marathon (accomplished 4/18/10)
98. Witness a solar eclipse
97. See the Sydney Opera House
96. Meet Charles Martin
95. Attend the Olympics
94. Go storm chasing
93. Climb an active volcano
92. See the big statue of Christ in Brazil
91. Ride a camel (accomplished 4/3/09)
90. Have a picnic in Central Park (accomplished 5/8/09)
89. Visit Salvation Mountain in California
88. Ride a unicycle
87. Learn how to juggle
86. Write a letter to the president (accomplished 1/25/09)
85. Own a chinchilla
84. Have a part in a Disney movie
83. Visit every town in Oklahoma
82. See all 50 states
81. Go on a ride-along with a cop
80. Kick a pig
79. Fly in a hot air balloon
78. Jump into a fountain (accomplished 9/2/09)
77. See a breaching whale
76. Visit a castle
75. Learn how to surf
74. Go snowboarding
73. Go skiing
72. Be in a band
71. Learn how to play poker (accomplished 1/12/09)
70. See the Sistene Chapel
69. Drive a school bus once
68. Learn to French braid my daughter's hair
67. See a manatee (accomplished 5/19/10)
66. Climb to the top of a rock wall (accomplished 8/30/09)
65. Spelunking
64. Put a guitar pick on Buddy Holly's grave
63. Visit the White House
62. Catch a guitar pick at a concert
61. Bungee jumping
60. Cliff diving
59. Stand under a waterfall
58. Watch my car go backwards up the hill by Ardmore (accomplished 8/7/09)
57. Learn the constellations
56. Play paintball
55. Build a treehouse
54. Feed a venus fly trap
53. Play all 1030 songs in the Songs of Faith and Praise hymnal (accomplished 1/11/09)
52. Perform in front of a crowd of people (accomplished 6/13/09)
51. Paint with oil paints
50. Donate blood (accomplished 9/24/09)
49. Touch a moon rock
48. Eat freeze-dried ice cream (accomplished 10/15/08)
47. Wear a princess dress to my senior prom (accomplished 4/18/09)
46. Drive through a redwood tree in California
45. Write a song with somebody else
44. Teach my kids music
43. Take my kids to the zoo
42. Swim at the Blue Whale Swimming Hole in Catoosa, OK
41. Meet/get a picture with a Blue Man
40. Live in Chicago or another big city
39. Dance in a thunderstorm
38. Eat a philly cheese steak in Philadelphia
37. Climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
36. Look through the Keck Telescope
35. Drive a 1958 Chevrolet Viking
34. Make a blanket for someone else (accomplished 5/27/09)
33. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
32. Walk on the Great Wall of China
31. Make my own outfit
30. Stand on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls
29. Swim with dolphins
28. See a Broadway play (accomplished 5/7/09)
27. Read all of Shakespeare's works
26. Camp on the plains
25. Record a CD
24. Go scuba diving
23. Memorize a book of the Bible
22. Ride a motorcycle (accomplished 3/17/09)
21. Play the violin (accomplished 7/3/09)
20. Kiss the Blarney Stone
19. Take a European vacation
18. Drive my 1958 Chevy Fleetside Apache down Route 66
17. Visit the Elephant building in Margate, New Jersey
16. Sail in the Caribbean
15. Publish a book
14. Hike in the Rocky Mountains
13. Go skydiving
12. Fly the glider from Fly Away Home
11. Fly in an airplane
10. Meet/get a picture with David Cook
9. Take a road trip with my friends (accomplished 7/20--23/09)
8. Audition for American Idol with Manuel
7. Graduate college
6. Graduate high school (accomplished 5/22/09)
5. Work in a children's hospital
4. Become a music therapist
3. Go to the University of Kansas (accomplished 8/20/09)
2. Be a mom
1. Get married
The following is a list I made AFTER the above list of other things that I would like to do, though I sometimes forget the things on this list...oops.
1. Listen to my Dad's favorite CD all the way through (accomplished 6/13/09)
2. See The Fray in concert
3. Attend a concert of a Rock and Roll Hall of Famer (John Mellencamp and Wanda Jackson, 2x each)
4. Visit London
5. Buy an electric guitar (8/2/09; thanks Tyler!)
6. Eat a Big Mac (accomplished 4/30/2010)
7. Study Astronomy, novice-ly
8. Stand at Four Corners
9. Stay in the Wigwam Motel
10. Fast for a day
11. Attend a bonfire
12. Ride a segway (accomplished 3/14/09)
13. Attend a St. Patty's Day festival in Ireland
14. Skip in NYC like Buddy the Elf (accomplished 5/8/09)
15. See Bob Dylan in concert (accomplished 8/7/09)
16. Kiss my two best guy friends on the cheek at graduation (accomplished 5/22/09)
17. Catch a bouquet at a wedding (accomplished 6/5/09)
18. Go back to Disney World
19. See all the Star Wars movies, and figure out why it's a big deal
20. Go driving for a whole day with the intention of getting lost
21. Suck helium
22. Buy a Chris Tomlin CD
23. Climb on the outside of a building
24. Run a 5K
(*25. Spoof videos with Alyssa ;)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I Am Still Running: Thoughts During My Race and Lessons Learned on the Way
Today I ran my first ever race. Back in junior high, I had hip problems and wasn't able to run until I'd stopped growing, at the least. When I reached the age of 16, I started running short distances behind my church or at the lake, though never doing anything serious. In my senior year of high school, I made a list of 100 Things to do Before I Die. I added "running a half marathon" to the list, but nothing was really done to achieve that goal. It was one of those "someday I will" things, and I expected to wait until I was older or something.
Enter this past January. The first two months of every year have been unusually difficult for me, for various reasons of problems and the lack of sun (and presence of cold). This winter was the hardest one yet. It was too cold to function, I missed my family and friends that I had been around for a month during winter break, and to top the misery cake, someone that I cared a lot for just disappeared from my life. I felt very alone, very hurt, and very in-need of constant God-time. So, with no other ideas, I went to the rec and started running. I didn't run much at first--usually only two miles or so while I listened to sermons and worship music on my ipod. As my loneliness and overall sadness from winter increased, so did my mileage. Soon I was running 3--5 miles every day. Running felt good and gave me a time in which I didn't have to think and only had to listen. Then in the beginning of February, a woman in my Bible study mentioned the Lynn Electric Kansas Marathon. I chewed on the idea for a bit before I heard Gabrielle and Kristen talking about signing up during lunch one Sunday. I got the information needed from them and, with nothing to lose, registered for my first half marathon. What followed was a strict training schedule and lots of life lessons learned between January and today, which will be addressed at the bottom of this blog. As I trained, I grew stronger physically and emotionally, and when my weekly runs faded into rests for the big day, I knew that I was ready to conquer this long 13.1 mile race. The following paragraph sections will display my thoughts during the race, and my thoughts on the lessons I've learned from January till now.
My Thoughts During the Race on 4/18/2010
Pre-race: I'm going to make a playlist just for this race! It will include john mellencamp, the first taylor swift cd, and chris rice. All mellow people that I love to listen to while I run!
Starting line: Maybe this won't be so bad! There's a lot of people here. And I have no doubt I'm ready!
Mile 1: (Up Naismith Drive and onto campus) This is awesome! I am actually running a half marathon! Ahhh! And I am about to conquer the hill of Naismith Drive!
Mile 2: I should not be feeling like I'm ready to quit. I'm only to Daisy Hill, and there is a long road ahead of me...
Mile 3: There's Heather, she's here to take pictures and cheer us on! So blessed to have amazing friends, and remembering the road that God led me on in meeting my friends...I can do this.
Mile 4--5: This is a breeze. I am so grateful for the ability to run and enjoy this beautiful day!
Mile 6: Shoe came untied. Bend while running to tuck it in my shoe. I am NOT stopping for anything...even when I reach a water station, I will just grab it and pour it into my mouth while I run. No quitting.
Mile 7: The Valley of Death. A mile-stretch through nothing-ness by the lake. Gives me time to think about how this race is no longer about the sadness that started my running--it's now about a passion to run and endure
Mile 8: Back on the road! Saw Gabby at the turnaround!
Mile 9: Legs starting to tingle. Ignoring the sensation
Mile 10: This is the farthest I've ever run in my life! Even though I'm slower than I would like...I'm going to do this!
Mile 11: *to the William Tell overture* Gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee pee pee! Followed by a hill from hell...literally.
Mile 12: One more mile to go! Heather cheers me on and I pick up the pace for the last 1.1 mile!
Mile 13: As soon as I see the finish line, I start to cry from joy. I did it! What I had once thought impossible had become reality!
Final time: 2:17.32
And now...
Love is a Marathon: Lessons Learned on the Journey
(in order of realization)
The times when we feel most alone are the times where God can tell us the most.
Don't take life so seriously. If it's not a heart in a cooler, then it's just not that big of a deal.
No matter how cold life may seem...the sun is guaranteed to always shine again.
Best friends are those people who can hold your hand from a different state and help you heal by praying for you and texting you stupid random conversations all day, every day to keep your mind off the fact that your phone isn't being inhabited by texts from someone else (special thanks to Alyssa, Ty, and the rest of the buddies for this one).
God can use us in the lives of others even if we feel we are un-usable.
The greatest thing in life is realizing that people we used to know as strangers are suddenly very dear, irreplacable heart friends (thanks bethany and alex :)
Another great thing is realizing that the people you've prayed to be friends with treasure your friendship as well (thanks morgan and kristi :)
God gives us church-sisters to listen to our stories, help us through understanding heart matters, and having picnics on warm spring days (thanks heather :)
When things seem as though they will never work out, God provides a way and sends your future roommate directly to you. Things are even better when you spend time with that roommate on a mission trip and realize you are eerily similar and actually look forward to the future with a roommate (thanks nicole :)
You know you are blessed with the world's best pesudo-sisters when they brave the Flint Hills to make your birthday special (thanks again loves :)
Life is more fun when it's hectic ;)
It's okay to run through a rainstorm. Really.
Sundresses are a girl's best friend because they allow you to feel summery and happy!
Don't care about what others think. Go lay in the grass and take pictures of the spring day.
Sometimes, God puts people in our lives to give us a change of perspective.
Even when a guy seems to be the epitome of all a girl could want, and even seems like a real life Todd Johnson....doesn't mean that there will be any feeling behind the perfect appearance. Love isn't about finding the "perfect guy".
Lakes are meant for deep personal reflection.
I have been given various guiding stars in my life that I didn't even recognize until I look back on my life now (thanks Mrs. C and Mrs. Hale :)
All my life, people would tell me that "someday the guys will be chasing after you!" I always laughed this off. I am the invisible one, always on the fringe of people's memory. But lately, guys have been noticing me. Please don't think this is vanity on my part...it's a shocking truth. I'm starting to realize that all the years of me wondering why guys only saw me as one of them was a blessing, not a curse.
While guys have finally realized that I am a girl, I realize that none of them have a chance because I'm still not over another guy.
And with the above statement, just recently I have begun to realize: I believe in redemption. I believe in miracles. I believe in a God-written biography. I believe that every question mark has an exclamation point. And I believe in hoping and dreaming even when things seem futile.
Lastly...
I believe in endurance. I believe in faith. And I believe in love.
Enter this past January. The first two months of every year have been unusually difficult for me, for various reasons of problems and the lack of sun (and presence of cold). This winter was the hardest one yet. It was too cold to function, I missed my family and friends that I had been around for a month during winter break, and to top the misery cake, someone that I cared a lot for just disappeared from my life. I felt very alone, very hurt, and very in-need of constant God-time. So, with no other ideas, I went to the rec and started running. I didn't run much at first--usually only two miles or so while I listened to sermons and worship music on my ipod. As my loneliness and overall sadness from winter increased, so did my mileage. Soon I was running 3--5 miles every day. Running felt good and gave me a time in which I didn't have to think and only had to listen. Then in the beginning of February, a woman in my Bible study mentioned the Lynn Electric Kansas Marathon. I chewed on the idea for a bit before I heard Gabrielle and Kristen talking about signing up during lunch one Sunday. I got the information needed from them and, with nothing to lose, registered for my first half marathon. What followed was a strict training schedule and lots of life lessons learned between January and today, which will be addressed at the bottom of this blog. As I trained, I grew stronger physically and emotionally, and when my weekly runs faded into rests for the big day, I knew that I was ready to conquer this long 13.1 mile race. The following paragraph sections will display my thoughts during the race, and my thoughts on the lessons I've learned from January till now.
My Thoughts During the Race on 4/18/2010
Pre-race: I'm going to make a playlist just for this race! It will include john mellencamp, the first taylor swift cd, and chris rice. All mellow people that I love to listen to while I run!
Starting line: Maybe this won't be so bad! There's a lot of people here. And I have no doubt I'm ready!
Mile 1: (Up Naismith Drive and onto campus) This is awesome! I am actually running a half marathon! Ahhh! And I am about to conquer the hill of Naismith Drive!
Mile 2: I should not be feeling like I'm ready to quit. I'm only to Daisy Hill, and there is a long road ahead of me...
Mile 3: There's Heather, she's here to take pictures and cheer us on! So blessed to have amazing friends, and remembering the road that God led me on in meeting my friends...I can do this.
Mile 4--5: This is a breeze. I am so grateful for the ability to run and enjoy this beautiful day!
Mile 6: Shoe came untied. Bend while running to tuck it in my shoe. I am NOT stopping for anything...even when I reach a water station, I will just grab it and pour it into my mouth while I run. No quitting.
Mile 7: The Valley of Death. A mile-stretch through nothing-ness by the lake. Gives me time to think about how this race is no longer about the sadness that started my running--it's now about a passion to run and endure
Mile 8: Back on the road! Saw Gabby at the turnaround!
Mile 9: Legs starting to tingle. Ignoring the sensation
Mile 10: This is the farthest I've ever run in my life! Even though I'm slower than I would like...I'm going to do this!
Mile 11: *to the William Tell overture* Gotta pee gotta pee gotta pee pee pee! Followed by a hill from hell...literally.
Mile 12: One more mile to go! Heather cheers me on and I pick up the pace for the last 1.1 mile!
Mile 13: As soon as I see the finish line, I start to cry from joy. I did it! What I had once thought impossible had become reality!
Final time: 2:17.32
And now...
Love is a Marathon: Lessons Learned on the Journey
(in order of realization)
The times when we feel most alone are the times where God can tell us the most.
Don't take life so seriously. If it's not a heart in a cooler, then it's just not that big of a deal.
No matter how cold life may seem...the sun is guaranteed to always shine again.
Best friends are those people who can hold your hand from a different state and help you heal by praying for you and texting you stupid random conversations all day, every day to keep your mind off the fact that your phone isn't being inhabited by texts from someone else (special thanks to Alyssa, Ty, and the rest of the buddies for this one).
God can use us in the lives of others even if we feel we are un-usable.
The greatest thing in life is realizing that people we used to know as strangers are suddenly very dear, irreplacable heart friends (thanks bethany and alex :)
Another great thing is realizing that the people you've prayed to be friends with treasure your friendship as well (thanks morgan and kristi :)
God gives us church-sisters to listen to our stories, help us through understanding heart matters, and having picnics on warm spring days (thanks heather :)
When things seem as though they will never work out, God provides a way and sends your future roommate directly to you. Things are even better when you spend time with that roommate on a mission trip and realize you are eerily similar and actually look forward to the future with a roommate (thanks nicole :)
You know you are blessed with the world's best pesudo-sisters when they brave the Flint Hills to make your birthday special (thanks again loves :)
Life is more fun when it's hectic ;)
It's okay to run through a rainstorm. Really.
Sundresses are a girl's best friend because they allow you to feel summery and happy!
Don't care about what others think. Go lay in the grass and take pictures of the spring day.
Sometimes, God puts people in our lives to give us a change of perspective.
Even when a guy seems to be the epitome of all a girl could want, and even seems like a real life Todd Johnson....doesn't mean that there will be any feeling behind the perfect appearance. Love isn't about finding the "perfect guy".
Lakes are meant for deep personal reflection.
I have been given various guiding stars in my life that I didn't even recognize until I look back on my life now (thanks Mrs. C and Mrs. Hale :)
All my life, people would tell me that "someday the guys will be chasing after you!" I always laughed this off. I am the invisible one, always on the fringe of people's memory. But lately, guys have been noticing me. Please don't think this is vanity on my part...it's a shocking truth. I'm starting to realize that all the years of me wondering why guys only saw me as one of them was a blessing, not a curse.
While guys have finally realized that I am a girl, I realize that none of them have a chance because I'm still not over another guy.
And with the above statement, just recently I have begun to realize: I believe in redemption. I believe in miracles. I believe in a God-written biography. I believe that every question mark has an exclamation point. And I believe in hoping and dreaming even when things seem futile.
Lastly...
I believe in endurance. I believe in faith. And I believe in love.
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