Wait

Like most people in the United States of America, I have serious troubles with the inevitable waiting periods that spring up in our lives.

Waiting at stoplights.
Waiting in lines.
Waiting for friends.
Waiting to go somewhere.
Waiting to eat.
Waiting for our computers to load.
Etc, etc, etc.

I have gotten better in my patience for items such as the above (well....still struggling with stoplight patience). But waiting for actual important things, waiting for direction in where to go in life...not good at patience there AT ALL. I have always struggled with summer, because I tend to feel like it is always a lull in life, a mundane in-between for the larger events of life.

Currently, it is summer. And currently, I am waiting.

I can't even explain it, but I feel like I'm about to die from restlessness. Nothing in the present time is concrete. All of my plans are currently resting on future events.

Do I follow through with taking this summer class? Not sure; have to wait for my financial aid report to come back and reveal whether or not I can afford summer education.

Do I apply for more jobs, or did I get the ideal School of Music job I applied for and (hopefully) am overtly-qualified to get? Not sure; have to wait to be told whether or not I was hired.

Do I go home right now, like I'm really wanting to? I can't; waiting for a meeting I signed up to attend on Thursday.

What am I supposed to sing at this concert next weekend? Do I sing my own songs which are my praise songs to the Father, or do I sing the hymns that are beautiful, but not as personal?

Then there are more obscure questions:

If God gave me the "Ok" to be in Lawrence this summer, why am I feeling so homesick for Purcell, where I would be apart from my church family and would spend the summer doing nothing more than I am already doing?

Why does *a certain person* keep appearing in my life when I have tried so hard to let him go? Is this God, or my own stubborn will?

Why am I still waiting for one of my best guy friends to return to our normal friendship?

Am I going to be accepted into MDA camp? More appropriately, why is it so difficult to volunteer this year when my heart belongs to individuals affected by MD?


These are just a few of my struggles with patience. I am currently frustrated, restless, in need of a good cry, in need of a good hug, and just wanting to find rest. That's another thing to wait for: the day when I will finally see my Maker face-to-face and will be able to stay focused on Him alone for eternity.

Random. Thoughts. Seis: Super Awesome Quesadilla Party! ;)

Universe, I surrender. I will flipping watch LOST. I am 7 episodes into season 2, and due to my constantly curious nature and the inability of friends to just tell me what the deal is with the island, I am going to sacrifice my sanity to satiate my curiosity. Universe, 1. Katie, 0.

College has made me become an addict to chocolate soy milk. Yummm.

Before summer is over, a kiddie pool bubble party will ensue, I swear to it.

I feel that if someone had no knowledge of Christianity and listened to the Tenth Avenue North CD "By Your Side", they would not only learn who God is, but feel the strong desire to accept Him in their lives. Every song on that album is so scripturally sound and profound.

Supposedly, the dorm I lived in all last year (Corbin) is one of the most haunted places in Lawrence. So THAT'S why my doors would open and shut randomly at all hours of the day and night! (just kidding, no paranormal activity happened there:)

Although, speaking of that...this one November morning in my dorm room, when I was all alone, I heard a thump at about 5 am. I sat up but, seeing nothing, went back to sleep. When I woke up a few hours later, a banana that had been brand new and on my microwave when I fell asleep was in front of my closet all the way across the room, solid black from apparent age, despite the fact that the other bananas were still yellow. Oh, man...

I'm begining to believe I am a legitimate photographer. This is probably not a good thing for the sanity of those around me. My camera is constantly out and on.

Going back to my high school's graduation made me very cynical. I hated the feeling.

The other night, me and the rest of the five buddies each wrote down our standards for the guy we want to win our hearts. My list made me smile in anticipation of discovering who the awesome man is that God has for me to give my heart to :)

Why is it illegal to put prepositions at the end of a sentence?!? To quote Mrs. Courtney Green: "English is just something invented by old dead guys."

Within the last four days or so, I have discovered John Mayer for the first time. I am positively in love with the Continuum album.

I don't care what scientists say. I know that we must dream in color.

The summer before my senior year, I put in almost 600 hours of volunteer work. I like living a purposeful life. Summer drives me crazy if I just sit around doing nothing.

Apple Cranberry Raspberry juice by Minute Maid is the greatest stuff ever. No contest.

True conversation follows.
Katie: "What's the name of the most famous Eminem song? Like the one that I know?"
Tyler: "The Real Slim Shady."
Katie: "No, but what's the title of the song?"
Tyler:..."The Real Slim Shady."
Katie: "Ohh. For some reason I keep getting that mixed up with Beyonce."

I get cold really easily. It's not weird to see me wearing a jacket in 70 degree weather.

My favorite teacher in college so far just moved to Michigan :(

Am I a nerd for jumping and screaming in excitement when, during the surprise scene after Iron Man 2, I realized the next Marvel movie will be about Thor, and then explained it to all my friends?

Alyssa's new name is Tom Tom. I would be very lost without her. :)

My favorite flowers are tulips and daisies. These are also the flowers mentioned in the song "Firefly" by Jimmy Needham :)

C.S. Lewis may have been one of the most intuitive and genius men in modern history. I read his works and then have to sit back for at least an hour to reflect on his astounding views.

I recently discovered that James Earl Jones recorded himself reading the Bible. How awesome is that?

My new goal in life is to become skillfull at more than just chords on guitar. I am currently trying to learn the pluck/snap thing john mayer does on "heart of life". It's super difficult and makes me go crazy :p

I really want to see a tornado. Really really really.

Currently, I am covered in bruises. I think I beat myself in my sleep.

Shutter Island is the worst movie of all time.

Casablanca is the best movie of all time.

I should probably go take a shower now, because I went on a really long run earlier in humid weather, and since it's midnight I'm tired....goodnight world! :)

Saved to the Uttermost:Ten Years After Accepting God (or, The Beauty of May 24th)

Often, when people share their testimony (or story of how they came to accept the fact that they needed God in their lives), there is some dramatic story of a wayward life discovering redemption and making a complete 180-turn from their sinful ways. My testimony is nothing spectacular as far as great stories go, and would definitely be turned down by moviemakers or authors or anyone seeking fame through a good story. I was only nine years old when I accepted Christ as my Savior, entering into the greatest adventure and relationship of my life. This simple, yet powerful, statement declares the crux of the situation: I was a sinner, I surrendered my life, a relationship began. And even though it may not be a NY Times bestselling story, the steps leading to my first steps of Christianity are very clear and dear to my heart.

I believe I have been in church from the week or two after my birth. God blessed me with Christian, God-fearing parents who dedicated me to God before the church long before I was conscious of my need for a Savior. I grew up going to church every Sunday and Wednesday night, in addition to being at the church several other nights each week as my parents volunteered their time for God. When I was three years old, my Mom got hired as the English teacher at Christian Crusaders Academy, meaning I could start preschool a little early in yet another Christian environment. Each school day started and ended with stories from the Bible and lessons about Jesus. Naturally curious, I would plague my poor teachers with a million questions about heaven, God, and Biblical heroes. They put up with me lovingly, and taught me just as my Sunday School teachers did. When I reached kindergarten, our teacher, Mrs. Gambill, gave us a special Bible lesson about how Jesus died on the cross so that we could find life and forgiveness and a way to His Father. I remember she asked the class if we were interested in knowing more about salvation--everyone but me raised their hands. Something in the back of my mind told me not to say that I wanted this salvation-stuff if I still didn't understand it. I wanted to be positively certain of what I thought before I followed the crowd. Later that day, my Mom and Mrs. Gambill were talking about how some students had come to accept Jesus in their hearts during class. I remember my Mom asking me if I had, and Mrs. Gambill said that if I had, she would have come down to my Mom's classroom in cartwheels. I didn't know what cartwheels were, and, assuming they had something to do with the wheeled carts that carried books around in the building, I became mildly curious as to what salvation had to do with my teacher riding around on book carriers.

My knowledge and curiosity about Christianity faded for a couple of years. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I believe that towards the end of my 8th year, my parents began asking me often if I was thinking about accepting Christ in my heart. Being rather rebellious, I would always adamently say no, before dropping the matter from my mind. Then one night, I remember hearing them pray that, when the time was right, God would open my mind and help me in finding Him. I begin to feel a twinge of stirring in my heart, wondering how I could possibly be missing something in my hihgly Christian environment. I chewed on my thoughts for several months until the May after I turned nine. My parents were very interested in the Southern Gospel music scene, and toted me all around the state to various concerts during the formative years of my life. This concert in May featured the McLaughlin Brothers, in addition to really famous Gospel pioneers, such as Ernie Haase, JD Sumner and the Stamps, and lots of other musical people who are now gone. My parents were really excited about it, but I could barely hear the music. God was convicting me of my need of Him, and it was grating on my little 9-year-old heart. I waited until intermission when my Mom and I went to the bathroom before asking her how old she had been when she had "gotten saved." She told me she had been 24 (? is that right?), and my heart became discouraged, somehow thinking that, as a 9-year-old, I would still have to wait 15 years to get this off my chest. She asked if I was ready to accept Christ, and I refused once again. It was a Saturday night, and I figured I would wait until the next morning at church to ask my Sunday School teacher about it.

Sunday School came and went, and still I stayed silent. During this time of life, I was painfully shy and hated to talk to anyone outside of my family. Surely if God wanted me to accept Him in my life, I wouldn't have to talk to anybody to ask what was happening in my heart! That Sunday started a revival at Sunray, with Kenneth Bobo preaching. I don't remember Sunday or Monday, but on Tuesday...I remember deciding that morning that I would go up front during Revival that night and finally ask Jesus to be my Savior and live in my heart. I finally felt courageous enough to make the decision, and was ready to go forward! That night, though, Brother Bobo taught a lesson about David and Bathsheba. I didn't know what adultery was exactly, but I knew it was something really bad. I just couldn't become a Christian due to a sermon about something like adultery! Miserably, I went home with my parents and cried myself to sleep, afraid that I would never get to become a Chrsitian.

The next day flew by in a blur, I don't even remember anything about it. I don't know what the sermon was about, and I don't know anything about the service. I just remember that when the music begin, I tugged on my Mom's arms and had her rush with me up to the front. Dennis, our regular pastor, talked to me for a bit, asking me if I understood and wanted Christ in my life. I responded by going straight to the altar, kneeling down, and praying quite simply, "Jesus, please come into my heart." In later years, I have heard many people pray elaborate prayers or salvation, acknowledging their great sin and greater need for freedom. At the age of nine, I wasn't concerned with that. I just knew that I desperately wanted God, and I wanted Him as soon as possible. And that's how on Wednesday, May 24, 2000, I accepted Christ into my heart, taking the first steps toward a life-long adventure and relationship with my Creator.

All that happened next was chaos in the church. All the older ladies who had watched me grow up came forward in the line to hold me close to their chest while happy tears streamed from their eyes. I was rather afraid, but inside I knew they all loved me, and I loved them. My heart seemed to be swelling with all the love from those tangible people around me and the love from the One I could now call 'Father'. After everyone had hugged me, Dennis took me over to the first pew and opened my Bible to John 5:24 and marked it as a memorial verse, writing the date of my re-birth over top (I remember feeling so special, that was MY verse, since the numbers of the verse coincided with the date I got saved--May (5) 24, John 5:24). After we left chruch, my parents had me call all the extended family and my current schoolteacher (and future uth minister's wife) to tell them my news. I was terrified of having to talk to so many people in one night, and really wished I didn't have to follow the hymn and "tell the world that I'm a Christian". Still, the word 'Christian' tasted good on my tongue as I realized that the term belonged to me, and I belonged to Him. I remember going to bed that night and singing a Poet Voices song until I drifted to sleep: "I'm saved to the uttermost, I know that I am washed in the blood of the precious Lamb. Through the Father, through the Son, through the Holy Ghost, I am saved to the uttermost."

Thus began my journey, and the constant re-molding into the woman that God wants me to become. It's not always been easy, but the life I've lived in Christ is so much more abundant, so much more beautiful, than life without Him could ever be ("I've come so that you may have life, and have it more abundantly!" John 10:10). Surrendering my life to God was the best and most important decision I have ever made or will ever make in my life. I have never regretted it, and am still looking to the future in anticipation of what God is doing and will be doing in my life for the rest of my days. I pray that my life may be a living reflection of who He is, and that I may exemplify grace and a sample of His perfect love in my daily life and interactions with others. I am definitely aware of my own depravity and failures, but I am also aware of His healing power and desire to draw me closer to Him. If you have not surrendered your life to the true living God, please do not delay. He is there, He is alive, and He desires a personal relationship with you so that you may be His. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me, or another trusted Christian friend, who can help you on your spiritual journey.

I promise you won't regret it.

"Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life." ~John 5:24