As I've said before, I'm going through a bit of a rough time spiritually. I've been frustrated and challenged so much. I seem to really want to read my Bible and have my life get better, but when I do have quiet time, I find that I am easily distracted, apathetic, and frustrated. I read, but I feel like I'm just going through a checklist, succumbing to the weights of legality. I know God is real, I know that I should be humbled before His throne in worship when I enter His presence, but I just don't feel anything. Thankfully, salvation does not come from feeling like a Christian, and I am clinging to the promise of grace and mercy in abundance over my life.
Tonight as I struggled through quiet time, I realized one thing that is problematic: I am trying to invest so much in others, but I don't have anyone personally investing in me and walking alongside my journey of life and faith. I don't have anyone keeping me accountable or challenging me to be more and dive deeper into my relationship with God. Yeah, I've had people who have wanted to invest in me before while I've been in college, but they don't stay around long, and when they stop investing, it just builds up my insecurities and distrust.
As I struggled with realizing I needed someone to help nurture me spiritually and feeling panic at the prospect of opening up to yet another person who would leave, I had an illuminated moment in realizing that God has built-in such a person into my life already. That person is someone who will never give up on me and will still love me unconditionally no matter how terrible I may feel.
So with that realization, I called my Mom.
My Mom has shown me across my lifetime her faithfulness and heart for God and others. My entire life has been spent in church, watching my parents serve others and teach the Gospel, giving their time, effort, and resources into the church. As I grew up, I would come to my Mom with questions about the Bible; she always either had the answer or would do research until my abundant questions were satiated. I've never thought if my Mom as a "spiritual mother" before, but it makes sense to me that the woman who has given me so much could also be someone I turn to for spiritual nurturing.
What we have decided to do is to read our Bibles together, 350 miles apart. We are starting in Luke, and every night we will talk or text to discuss the things we've read, questions in the scripture, or things God is teaching us. It may be a little strange at first, but I'm really excited to see what God will show to each of us through this experience. I don't know how long this will last, or how effective it will be, but I'm grateful to share this opportunity with my Mom. I am trusting in the promises of God that He will reveal Himself as we seek, and I am thanking Him tonight that I have been given such a beautiful legacy of grace and faith. Things will improve with time, and God may just have a beautiful connection in store for Mom and I.
No comments:
Post a Comment