Random. Thoughts. V: Let's Make it a Love Song Instead!

My name is Katie. Not Katherine, Not Kaitlin, not anything other than Katie.


Folk music seriously rocks.


So does Humphrey Bogart... :)

I am strongly against wearing sleeves after the first day of spring. I am also strongly against wearing dark colors after the first day of spring.

Please don't think I'm sadistic, but I absolutely adore tornado season. I think it has a lot to do with hearing "Stay with News 9, we'll keep you advised" every single time the tv is on :)

Speaking of weathermen, I think Mike Morgan sucks. Sorry, Channel 4 fans...

Strawberries and orange juice used to be gross. Now, they are the most fabulous food items in the world.

Over spring break, I read a book called "In Search of Noah's Ark". It has made my obsession with biblical archaeology re-emerge, and now I just want to go be the female version of Indiana Jones!

23 days to half marathon :)

I went on a mission trip to nebraska over spring break. The whole time I was working with the kids, I was trying to form therapeutic goals in my head. College has warped my mind.

I only wear hoodies the correct way if it is really really cold. Generally, I wear my hoodies upside-down and backwards with only my arms covered by the sleeves. Don't ask me why, couldn't tell you.

Favorite painting=Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh. GORGEOUS in real life...

Two words: Todd Johnson.

Go listen to the song "Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher. It will change your life.

Let it be noted that my father did, in fact, cut off the legendary hair of Michael O'Neal ;)

The average groom is 5.3 years older than the average bride.

Microwaving Peeps is not a good idea. And if you stick toothpicks in them in an attempt to puncture the other peeps...it doesn't work. Tried it. Failed.

Audrey Hepburn is the most gorgeous woman ever.

I am still incredibly sad that Buddy Holly died. I know it was way before I was even thought of, but it still makes me very sad. :(

Gustav Holst is my favorite composer. Ever. Absolute genius.

My current favorite hymn is Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. Always loved it :)

Every time I read the story of the Prodigal Son, I get really emotional. What a beautiful story of God's love for us!

I really like to make people think and question their life. I know that sounds weird, but it is always encouraging to have a conversation with someone about something seemingly mundane, then having them come back days later and saying "You know, you made me think a lot and helped me change some things in my life!"

"I want the world to turn because of love, with mercy to find each of us doing what we can to just believe."

Dasani water tastes funny.

Today I rediscovered an un-heard cd from my bff alyssa containing all 80s music. I was listening to it and laughing so hard because it's so corny, yet catchy!

Speaking of my bff alyssa...when she first moved to our school in soph year, I had a moment of understanding what they meant in Anne of Green Gables by "bosom aquaintance" or "kindred spirit." I knew without a doubt that she would be my best friend and heart sister! The only problem...she was so shy that we didn't even speak to each other for an entire year. I was frustrated and thought I must be crazy for having such a strong belief in a friendship with a completely silent girl in my spanish/chem class, but...junior prom came around, and we awkwardly went with an awkward group and came out as besties. We fake-fight all the time, but i'm pretty sure there is no one else in the world with the same bizarre humor, sense of misadventure, and ability to be completely awesome in the whole world. She probably knows more about me than anyone else in the world, and I seriously don't know what I would do without her. I look forward to further adventures with ron and sam! :)

I smile all the time. Really. There's very few times you will see me where I'm not smiling.

Going with the above...today in therapy we had a discussion about how they think it's crazy I'm always happy. I think they have "happy" confused with "joy". Happy is an emotion that comes and goes. Joy is a permanent fixture in my life, thanks to my faith in God and His constant care and grace :)

Vegetarians can be really annoying sometimes.

I know everyone likes Queen. But Freddie Mercury really creeps me out, and there are only a few Queen songs I can tolerate. Sorry universe.

Also, I know my next thought is almost sinful, considering the fact that Jayhawks are trained to despise Missouri with their whole hearts. Still...I can tolerate Missouri relatively well. I cannot tolerate Kstate at all. I slightly hate their stupid wildcat. Sorry kstaters...

Nothing in the world is more boring than an essay over analyses of Haydn music (yes, that is the project that is currently inspiring my blogging....blech. Seriously, who would ever read this analytical nonsense??)

My friend Olivia is hanging out in my dorm while she writes HER paper. I forgot how nice it is to have someone around :)

I love flowers. Any kind, any time.

Subterranean Homesick Blues is kinda bomb.

I could easily spend all my money on disney movies and music. Easily.

Xavier Henry and I have a deep connection. Really. It's what happens when you are the same age and are both Oklahoma Jayhawks. We're practically bffs. ;)

Over spring break I started a list of questions for heaven. I have 40 so far, and growing every day.

I believe curiosity is a gift :)

My guitar's name is Desdemona. My horn's name is Ophelia. My camera's name is Prospero. Now I just need a Shakespearean name for my keyboard!

Greatest camera regret: Not taking pictures at the free Skillet/Decyfer Down concert at OU. Where me and my best friends were ridiculously close to the stage. And could see everything. And Skillet rocked for 1.5 hours. And I got no pictures.

I enjoy the occassional inspirational book :)

I am tired of hearing people use the adjective "cute" to describe the s10 I drive here at college. I miss driving a huge solid steel 58 chevy that was gorgeous and made people double-take to realize a GIRL was driving such an awesome vehicle.

Green grass and blue skies with abundant sunshine....heavenly.

Teddy Geiger, John Mayer, and Jon McLaughlin have the exact same voice.

I am going to write a book someday, I swear. I have been blessed with an abnormally eventful life. Interesting things just happen to me. Sometimes I wonder how life would be if I wasn't always getting into misadventures, but then I remember how BORING a normal life would be, and feel grateful for my life of craziness :)

Help me to BE

This weekend, I volunteered with UCF to help at a DNOW (discipleship now, youth group revival retreat) in Valley Center, Kansas. It was a really amazing experience, and I am grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to give my time and love to teenagers in the process of planting seeds for Him in their lives. I worked with the middle school girls, and the whole time we were in Bible study, my heart was being touched by God, stirring me to realization of things that I have been chewing on for the past month now. That night as the girls were screaming to karaoke and all us college sponsors were settling down for the night, I opened my prayer journal and began to write. I am usually not a big fan of posting prayers publicly, but the conversation I had with my Father perfectly describes everything I have been trying to put in a blog for the past several weeks. So, here it is, a peek into a conversation with my heavenly Father. I pray that something I say will touch you as a reader or somehow inspire you in the way these thoughts have been changing me. In Christ...



2/26/10
Dear Father,
This past week has been so crazy. I have been so unfocused and restless feeling, like I need something desperately. And I know in my head what I need--You--but my heart has been stone-like. Today was the first day of the DNOW at Valley Center. I'm working with the middle school girls, and it just made me stop and think about my spiritual maturity level at that age. I was so far from where I am now, and it's haunting to think of how much I've grown, and how Your hand has led me through it all, both good times and bad. And sometimes I look at others and feel that maybe I'm ahead of them on my level of closeness to You, but the matter is that I am still growing, even now. Six years from now, I'll be looking back at these years with the same disbelief I now have viewing my junior high years. I can never be close enough to You; there's always a deeper love to fall into. In a way, this is an amazing blessing to realize: no matter where life takes me, I will always be in a process of being drawn closer to Your heart. Sometimes I will fail, but Your grace and love and pursuit of my heart will remain. On the other side though...I long even more to see You face to face in heaven...where I will be struck speechless with utter gratitude for the life and freedom You gifted to me, and where my love will be at it's pinnacle, always faithful and focused on You alone without other distractions. God, how amazing! I want to be there right now! But I know that the time for heaven is farther down the road, and there's much more to learn and experience here on earth. So until I stand before You in Your glory, help me to be:

A burning fire of Your love, not just a lowly flame.

Someone who changes the world--even if it's only the world of one life.

Someone who truly impacts the life of another.

A prayer warrior.

The one people can depend on.

Filled with Your grace.

Beautiful, on the inside where it is true beauty that spreads to the outer appearance through joy

A TESTIMONY to JOY.

Unshakable in storms.

Compassionate to all.

Someone who sees through Your eyes.

Amazed at every daily miracle.

A wise spender of time.

ALIVE with NO regrets.

And, above all...

The confident woman You made me to be in You.

I love You, Father. Thank You and praise to You for first loving me.

'She Looks Just as Music Sounds!"

Yesterday, I was just sitting around when out of the blue, I was bombarded with an array of southern gospel songs, suddenly stuck in my head. All day long I have been listening to a southern gospel playlist, which takes me back to my early childhood. My parents took me to so many gospel concerts, and I didn't even hear non-gospel music until I was a teenager. Thinking on this form of Christian music and what it meant to my development, I contemplated my musical journey today while on my daily run. Music is such a huge part of who I am--how did it become this big of a factor?

According to my parents, when I was a baby, I would dance and just be so happy whenever 'Baby Baby' by Amy Grant would come on. I guess that was my first musical impact. When I was old enough to learn words and sing, most kids were learning 'Jesus Loves Me' and 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'. The first song I remember learning was "Love Lifted Me", page 448 in the hymnal. There's pictures of my parents singing at Victory (the church we were at when I was two-ish), my dad holding me up so I could sing, too! Victory became Johnson Road Baptist, where I learned VBS songs that still get stuck in my head under my Mom's music teaching and where I sang "Lord I Lift Your Name on High" at a tent revival after learning it in private school. When I was three or so, my Dad had a cherry red el camino. He would take me for rides and we would listen to 'Shine' by Collective Soul and the song that goes 'Time has come today....TIME.' (it was my job to scream the loud TIME at the end of every line :) The extended family touched me with music as well. There is a very strong memory in my mind of my Grandma standing at her sink in Hartshorne and singing "The Old Rugged Cross". The whole family surrounded me with hymns. When I was four, my family moved to Sunray Baptist, where I spent all my life until college. During this time, a man we had known from our old church offered to sell us his late wife's piano. My Meemaw wanted me to learn music, so she bought the piano and put it in our house. I started taking piano lessons just as my parents discovered southern gospel music. I'm pretty sure we went to every gospel singing in the state of Oklahoma from the time I was 4ish until I was 12, at least. I've met (and taken pictures, minnie mouse doll included) with some of the greatest influences in the world of gospel music (Phil Cross/Poet Voices, Greater Vision, Crabb Family, The Bishops (they come in again later), etc.) Dad started sponsoring gospel singings at Sunray, so these famous people became real in my life, and our family grew very close to several singing groups, both local and national. We often planned our vacations around gospel singings so that we could hear the music while also seeing the country.

During the ages of 10--12, I went through a musical rebellion. I didn't want to sing or have anything to do with music, but since Dad was in charge of the music in church...I had to sing. For a while my parents begged me to keep singing, but I adamently refused. They just let it go for a while, until I suddenly, out of the blue, had a desire to sing. As my voice matured, I realized I could easily hit notes way above the staff. And since no one else in church could do that and I thought it was really cool...welcome to music, once more!

When I was in 7th grade, I decided to give the whole band thing a try, picking up the flute. I played that for one year before Hilger took a group of us to a drum corps show, convincing me to switch to mellophone. I was supposed to play flute after marching band was over, but I made a bet with Hilger that if I could make honor band on horn, he would let me become a horn player full time. By the grace of God, I made last chair in the band and got my desire to play a brass instrument. Later that year, Tyler and I had been fighting, and since he lived right down the street, I was moping about for a couple of weeks feeling bored and lonely. Dad found a way to distract me--give me a sketchbook so I could practice my art while introducing me to the one and only...Beatles. Changed my life. After they blew my mind with their wonderfulness, my musical tastes turned to that of a freshman hippie chick. My favorite CD was the forest gump soundtrack (peace, man!) and I had more shirts with Paul's face on it than the original girls at Shea Stadium.

As I grew closer to Matt and Tyler, my musical awareness broadened. We would experiment the idea of a garage band (our only song was Heart of Worship, haha) and sit in the back of the bus on band trips and listen to green day at top volume...we were pretty punk, yo. I learned about modern country music, too, as we would listen to Rascal Flatts's latest albums every day at lunch in my mom's classroom. When Matt started driving, I was introduced to the world of popular music as we would drive around and blast KJ from his system. Then Junior year, I met Mrs. C, who took us up to OCU and exposed us to classical music and orchestration. Senior year, I began to feel music. My eyes welled with tears in sheer amazement at hymns such as "There is a Balm in Gilead" and "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" written and arranged for bandstration. My senior solo was Three Hymn Settings, a mixture of Abide With Me, Amazing Grace, and Shall We Gather at the River? The Amazing Grace arrangement was so beautiful, it better be played at my funeral someday. I got really involved in songwriting on the guitar, and began playing for tip money at Rodney's pizza. That gig is helping me pay for college, in addition to opening doors for more experiences. God gave me the chance to do worship gigs and perform on stage with some gospel greats (Mark Bishop, from the Bishops I mentioned earlier? I got to play before him...and he said I was really good! I almost fainted, best music moment of life!). The worship gig was an amazing experience--leading 100 women in worshipping our Savior? Nothing compares to that.

And now, I am a music major (go figure haha). I've been exposed to so many different genres and beautiful factors of music that I am fearless to try out new artists. My ipod has almost 6000 songs, and I feel that music or noise is a necessity to my every day life. When words fail, music speaks, especially the songs about my Savior and His love for me (i may have lots of music in my world, but my absolute favorites are the ones I grew up with--worship songs to God. I collect hymnals and ravenously read them, always seeking old hymns that are new to me :) I can be dumbfounded in awe of the realization that God made music. He is a musician! He created E flat major, dissonant chords, perfect fourths, etc...ALL FOR OUR ENJOYMENT. He gives songs to our hearts in our hard times, helping us to carry on. And when we are in distress..."He will quiet us with His love, and rejoice over us with singing." (zephaniah 3:17) What a wonderful thought!

Anyways, now that I've had my ramble that probably makes no sense to the general public, time to write an english draft! ;)

God bless!

Katie

Laughing With: the explanation to my current bizzare song addiction

I admit it: I have a serious addiction to the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack. The friends were laughing at me as we watched the movie because I kept interjecting at random places with "OH this is my favorite song in the movie!" or "This is the fourth best song from the soundtrack!" My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE song on the soundtrack, though, is sung by Regina Spektor. I had three of her songs on my ipod, and they were all spectacular. She has a really unique voice and beautiful musical ability. Since these three songs were exceptional, I rented her newest CD from the Lawrence Public Library when I got back from break. I popped it in my truck player and listened to it as I drove around. The first five tracks were alright, some majorly weirder than anything I had ever heard before, but it was oddly addicting. Then I hit Track 6, Laughing With. I listened to it all the way through, then listened to it again to make sure I was hearing it right. Even after two listenings, I still didn't know what I had heard, and I was seriously troubled about it. I had heard that Regina Spektor had a religious background, but, despite the gorgeous music, this song seemed to be bashing God and faith! It didn't make sense, and I had to know what it was talking about.

So I went to chat forums. Every single review I found discussed how powerful, beautiful, and touching the song was. I read the lyrics and ended up even more confused. But still, I had to know! Finally, in my searches, I found the true explanation for the song, and it suddenly took on a whole new meaning and became a very important song in my heart this week. I will give the explanation beneath the lyrics:


No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken
No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood

*Chorus*But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke,
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny, When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God when they're saying their goodbyes


Okay, before you think I have lost my blessed mind and am turning into a pagan...THE EXPLANATION! I'm sure you could have your own interpretation (and probably will form your own opinion after hearing the song for yourself), but here is what the song addresses, and why it means so much to me:

So many people in today's world laugh off the existence of a God. It's amusing to tell jokes about a omniscient, omnipotent being. After all, if you joke about it, it makes the possibility of such a being less serious. And when you are only living for the world, living for yourself, it's probably best not to worry yourself with such pointless things as the existence of this so called "God". So God becomes a funny joke. You laugh at the "crazies" who rant about God. You laugh at the jokes about such a ridiculous thought as the existence of God. You laughingly refer to God when making your wishlists, hoping He will act the part of jiminy cricket or santa claus and make "all your dreams come true."

But then, inevitably...disaster strikes.

Sickness. War. Natural Disasters. Heartbreak. Death.

Suddenly, the existence of God doesn't seem so funny. And for some reason, the first response you have when faced with something out of your realm of human control is to call on this same God that you shrugged off so many times before. The reason for this is, I believe, because there is a God-shaped void within every human soul (sorry, that sounds so preacher-ish, I know). Humans try to fill that void with their own control and the assurance that if they do good, life will end up okay. But when sorrow comes into life, all the little things that we use to fill up that void are suddenly gone. We have nothing to fall back on, and in response, our basic instinct is to cry out to some spiritual being to save us.

This week has been a good example of heartache in the world. The earthquake in Haiti has destroyed millions of people's home, lives, futures. Closer to reality, people in my hometown have faced death and heartache on a different level. Pain. Confusion. We hang our heads and cry out to God asking for answers.

And, though it's hard to believe, we probably won't get the answers to these questions here on this earth. It hurts to accept this. But that's when we must do the only thing we really have the power to control: cry out to God. Accept His comfort and love. And ask Him for peace in knowing that He is in control, and He has perfect reasons for everything that occurs on this planet.

He's the perfect fit to that void. I promise.

Anyways, that's my take on this song. You should definitely go look it up, listen, and form your own opinion. Please, post your comments on this song, or any other thoughts it provokes from you! I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you have a blessed day!

In Christ

The People Place

"That pain you're feeling, above your stomach? That's your people place. It's hurting because it's growing to allow more people inside. The more people you know and the more people you love, the larger your people place will grow."

"But Mama Ella, what's a people place?"

"It's that place where you hold all the people that mean something to you. Once someone is in your people place, they never leave you, no matter what."

~Abridged summary from Wrapped in Rain by Charles Martin




The above is from my favorite author of all time. Charles Martin is very real and very talented at expressing the state of simply being human. This comment about the "people place" goes through my mind almost daily. What a perfect way to explain the feelings that we experience from loving other human beings!

Last night, I was thinking about "the people place". Yes, it grows as we grow, and more people are added, sometimes without our even realizing how deep the connection we have with the other person. But what about those people that have faded out of our life stories? Do they still occupy the people place?

I think this thought vein came about from a dream I had last night. It was slightly terrifying, I can't explain why. I was in a garden, with lots of green and flowers and light. I was dressed up and didn't really know why. As I looked around, I realized that I was at a funeral. When I got closer to the crowd, I figured out who the funeral was for: a boy that had been my friend years ago. The dream went on with pointless, remedial details, but when I woke up, I was sobbing into my pillow. I haven't even thought of this guy in ages. We used to be really good friends, and had hung out a lot. But life happened, and we have since grown apart. And yet, when I woke up from that dream, I realized how sad and hurting I would be if I knew that he wasn't around anymore. And if I was that heartbroken over the thought of not having a friend around that was just a small blip on the canvas of my people place, how much more would it hurt if I lost those who have helped write whole chapters of my life story, have essentially taught my about people places and what it means to love?

The thought made my people place simply throb.

I guess my summary of this ramble of thoughts I've been chewing on all day is this: If somebody has meant something to you, in any time of your life or any mild circumstance, they become a part of you forever. I bet if you started a chart right now of the most important people in your life, for all your life, you would never be able to finish because the number of people you love and who love you in return is greater than you would ever believe. On the other side of this, try to think of all the people who would give you a spot in their people place. People might not always show how much of an impact you have had on their world.

So, let's treat others with kindness. People places easily feel the pain of human emotion, and you never know who's people place you may occupy.

And let those people in your people place know how much you care as well. Let your people place grow and grow, for that is the way to truly live.

I Believe

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn



I believe that the most amazing experiences in life are those that you aren't expecting.

I believe that there is such a thing as a "kindred spirit".

I believe that if God gives you a "kindred spirit" friend, you have discovered a rare gem that few people ever get to discover.

I believe in photography.

I believe in wearing your heart on your sleeve.

I believe that boredom is a chance for opportunity.

I believe in loud music.

I believe in reading the Bible everyday and getting lost again and again in the overwhelming love God has for humanity.

I believe in crying when you hurt and laughing when life is good; if the two mix, it's a sign of your life being touched by something outside of your power.

I believe in hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.

I believe warm chocolate chip cookies can cure anything.

I believe every person has a purpose.

I believe in little girls driving big trucks.

I believe in running/dancing/going crazy in a thunderstorm.

I believe that parents are superheroes.

I believe in long car rides, seemingly to nowhere.

I believe that no one is ever too far gone to be considered a lost cause.

I believe that every woman deserves a man who will treat her like a princess and cherish her for the treasure she is.

I believe that every man deserves a woman who will respect him as her hero...if he acts like a knight in shining armor should.

I believe in memorizing sunsets and being in awe of The Artist.

I believe in Saturday Morning cartoons.

I believe in making a wish at 11:11.

I believe that beauty does not equal happiness, happiness does not come from multiple relationships, and the person that you miss most and have on your mind almost constantly is who you are supposed to be with.

I believe in wishing on stars.

I believe in curiosity.

I believe in patriotism (and school spirit).

I believe that home-made blankets are even cozier than store-bought blankets.

I believe that spring flowers should be brought inside and stored in coke bottles and bright light.

I believe that God sends you the people you need to get through this crazy thing called life.

I believe that chivalry is not quite dead.

I believe that we choose special people to become our "adopted family".

I believe that band-aids still make boo-boos better, and they really take the cake if they have a cartoon character print.

I believe that children are the most amazing people in the entire world.

I believe in service projects, and giving freely of the gift of self, despite personal discomfort, to change the world of another human being.

I believe "love" is spelled T-I-M-E.

And most importantly....I believe that life is meant to be lived, and life is meant to be enjoyed.

Trust God with your dreams. You have those dreams for a reason.

All of us start out with big dreams, planning out exactly what it is that we want to accomplish and become in the lifespan that God grants us. Often, the dreams we create for ourselves are purely from our own whim and fancy. For example, when I was little, I read a book series called Detective Zack. It was about a little boy with archaeologist parents who traveled the world to find God in history. Naturally, this made me want to be an archaeologist. This dream lasted until I realized that I would have to move to other countries and play in the heat and dirt all day, probably finding nothing more than rocks and sand. With this realization, the dream of discovery faded instantly. There was no substance to this dream, I just wanted to wear the cool tan hat and make clever names for ancient creatures.

After the archaeology dream faded, I flopped between a desire to be a medical researcher (because the name sounded cool!), a nurse (that dream died because of my needle fear), and an art teacher (following my dad's footsteps!) All of these dreams faded pretty quickly, since there was no substance in the planning. But it was okay, because I was in my early teens. I didn't need to know what I was supposed to do with my life! The time for that would come when I became an "older kid".

Enter the summer when I was fifteen. I had accepted Christ in my heart as my Lord and Savior when I was nine years old, but up to that point, He was more of a distant figure who I learned about in church and not someone with whom I had an intimate relationship. During that summer, though, something within my heart began to stir. I remember distinctly being at church camp that year and knowing that something was wrong. I was crying myself to sleep every single night and just kept feeling a conviction to just...move. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was a Christian, but the stirring in my heart gave me doubts as to what my faith was really all about. One night at camp, I remember the speaker spoke about how growing closer to God was sometimes painful. Sometimes He requires that we follow Him no matter the cost to our comfort and reach out and serve where He led us to serve. I didn't hear much after this due to the ache that resided in my soul. For the first time in my walk of faith, I truly spoke with my Savior, trusting that He would hear and care and provide guidance. I began to pray that, if this ache was from God, that He would make it explicitly clear what this ache meant and where He wanted me to go. That night after the uth Bible study, I stayed behind and talked with my uth pastor and his wife. I explained the pang I was feeling in my heart and asked for their wisdom and guidance. We talked for an hour or more about different possibilities as to why I felt the way I did. They gave me several good ideas, but nothing really seemed to fit. After a time, they brought up the possibility of getting involved in the children's ministry at Sunray. Almost instantaneously, I felt peace just flood my body. All the pain became clear, and I could just feel God whispering in my ear "This is it. This is what I have for you." My tears of pain became tears of gratefulness, and I surrendered to working with children.

When I got back to my church, I went to the pastor and told him about my experience. He was really cool and supportive and allowed me to teach the kindergarten Sunday School class along with a woman named Laverne. She and I got along really well, and soon she was my mentor and "Meme". We tag-teamed on the teaching thing, and through her guidance and the interaction with the children, my attitudes and actions began to subtley change. When people first heard that I was surrendering to children's ministry, many scoffed. At this point in life, I was extremely impatient, incompassionate, and stubborn to the core (I may still be these things? I don't think so, but I apologize if I am). Yet as I got more and more experience as a teacher, I felt myself becoming more patient, more sensitive to the emotions and actions of those around me, and more compassionate towards everyone I met (to those people who wished I would become more compassionate? God answers that. You probably know I can be moved to tears by even the smallest actions). God had provided experiences in my life and in my ministry that gave me the gifts that made me more like Him. I was growing in grace and learning to trust Him more with every single day.

After I had been teaching for about a year, my pastor's wife confronted me and requested that I begin playing piano before Sunday School, leading the kids in a praise time. I reluctantly agreed because she's one of those people you just can't say no to. Deep inside, though, I was deathly afraid of playing in front of anybody--even if my audience was all under the age of seven. My pride of desiring perfection in my piano playing gave my new job of children's worship a sense of dread. The terrifying Sunday came...and it was amazing. My performance was mediocre (to say the least), but as I played, my ability became less and less important. I realized that I was doing something for God, and His glory was what mattered--not my own. The piano playing became a weekly thing, and soon I was integrated to play guitar in "big church".

I had gained the spiritual gifts that God had chosen to give me (patience, compassion, etc). These gifts led me to a slew of service projects in my community that allowed me to become the literal hands and feet of Jesus. I was being blessed with the gift of music and the desire to play for the glory of my Savior. Everything in life seemed okay. But my age was increasing, and suddenly I was expected to know what I wanted to do in the future. Everytime I tried to figure the puzzle out, I would end frustrated and confused. I knew without a doubt that I had been given the gift of music, but I also knew that I had developed a compassionate heart that yearned to serve others with my life. I talked and prayed with my mentor, Meme, for quite some time, and narrowed my options to either being a kindergarten teacher (for real) or marrying a fellow musician or preacher (that's a different story ;) and owning a home music studio. While both these options sounded okay, I was not overly enthusiastic about either.

Enter Mrs. Jennifer Conklin. Mrs. C is my other "mentor God-wise friend and teacher" (that's another story too). One day during my junior year, I was hit like a slap to the face with the reality that I had only one year left to figure out what God was calling me to do. I knew that if I kept asking, He would guide me, but sometimes it seemed impossible to hear His guidance when I was walking blindly. I got fed up with the unknown and had another "cry-yourself-to-sleep" nights, just as I had had at the age of fifteen. This time, though, I knew to put it all before my Father and trust Him to provide. I prayed specifically: "God, I know that You have a crazy plan out of this road map You've made me. My passions are serving and music, and a bit of writing. Whatever it is you want me to do, no matter how crazy, just SHOW ME!" The next day in band I was just sitting there thinking when Mrs. C called me into the office. She sat me down and her next words are permanently etched in my mind. "Katie, I have this weird feeling that I'm supposed to tell you about music therapy. It's a job where you use music and writing to help people."

That feeling of absolute peace flooded my veins once more.

This is what God had in store for me. This is what He wants from my life.

And still there were difficulties. My best option for obtaining a therapy degree was by going out of state (to KANSAS, of all places...). That same day of discovery, I went to the computer lab, looked up KU, and cried like my heart was breaking. I didn't want to move away! Yet as I cried it out in the library, the idea grew and the peace in my soul strengthened. After much exploration, the tears I cried became tears of joy. God had a plan for me. And it was so much bigger than any of my plans could have been. As I started enrolling for Kansas, the out-of-state tuition issue came up. I really believe it was a temptation to give up and go my own way, and heaven knows I came about one centimeter away from shutting the door on Kansas and God's guidance all together. But, surprisingly, financial aide came in, and God provided the way, just as He had given me the compassion, patience, musicality, and people-experience I will need to become a music therapist. And now, here I am, one semester of college completed. I plan on working in pediatrics when I graduate with my MT-BC, four years from this week. Through those years, you can bet I will be attentive to what God has in store for me. His plans are always an adventure.

Did you know another big dream of mine is to hit the road with an amp, my guitar, and my binder of music, doing worship gigs and playing for tip money? We will see if that dream is from God. I know He will provide if I am supposed to be a music star for Christ.

After all my experiences, I wouldn't be surprised if my road map does lead to something crazy like that.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~Psalm 37:4


In Christ,
katie