Touch

When I decided to write this blog, I knew that it would be difficult to express the thoughts rattling around in my brain without sounding completely insane. After a long time contemplating, I realized that no matter how eloquently I explained myself, I will still come across as someone who is completely insane. So....here goes.





This summer I started watching the tv show LOST (Before everybody starts commenting on this telling me spoilers, I have yet to finish the show, keep your opinions and thoughts on it to yourself!). This weekend, I watched the season five finale, meaning that I only have one more season to complete before I can join the ranks of people who have seen all of the show. I fully expected to watch this episode, allow my mind to get completely boggled, and then carry on with my quest to find Season Six. Instead, God spoke to my heart during the episode and presented a new concept in my mind through an event of the episode.

In the beginning of the episode, we finally see Jacob: a timeless character who seems to simply observe all the goings on of the island. As the episode progressed, different flashbacks of each character's life were shown. Each flashback featured a significant, life-altering event in the individual character, and, in each event...Jacob was present.

As a disclaimer before I explain further, I have not finished the show. For all I know, the character that I am discussing could turn out to be a monster or an alien or anything else crazy that comes up in Lost. But seeing him in this episode caused my mind to hit upon a truth so simple and so powerful that I was brought to tears at the thought. This tiny picture of a television character made me realize the significance of God's presence in our lives. I mean, we are told that God is always there, but getting a visual of a caring, powerful, Father-like figure ever at our sides was the most beautiful thing I had ever thought upon. The beauty lies in the fact that this visual is completely true: He has been actively in my life from the moment of my conception. He has been there to celebrate when I win, been there to cry with me when my heart feels broken. Been there to lavish me in love over and over again, even when I don't deserve that type of unfailing adoration from an almighty Creator. Even when I am busy and not feeling very Christian-like, He is still there, ready to touch my heart in ways that will boggle my mind. And He will be there until I close my eyes in death, guiding my closer to Him until the ending of this life where I will begin the rest of my life, worshipping before His throne in the place He has prepared for me.

Perhaps this is just rambling, perhaps not. The summary is this: God is real, He is present, He is love.

Can't wait to see You face to face, Father.

Friendship

Perhaps the most puzzling relationship on this earth is the one called "friendship". After all, there is no physiological reason that we need friends. Think about it:

The relationship of a husband and wife comes about because of love, with the outcome of physical intimacy, with the outcome of reproduction and repopulating the earth. Physiological need met.

The relationship of a parent and child comes about because of the child's need for protection and nurturing, which results in growth and abilities for the child to then grow up, succeed, and eventually fulfill the first relationship mentioned. Physiological need met.

But what about friendship? Nothing tangible can be gained from friendship. No urgent need of creation to hang out with your buddy. In fact, friendship could even be viewed as a selfish relationship in which one must sacrifice without receiving any physiological benefit from the activity.

However....

Friendship is a gift from God. He knew that we needed to be surrounded by people who lift us up and encourage us along the journey. He knew that we needed shoulders to cry on when our hearts hurt and laughing voices to join us in our most joyous times. He knew that we needed people who we could call as soon as events occurred and people with whom we could practice the art of empathy as we share their burdens. He knew we needed to learn selflessness as we sacrificed for a non-family member we cared deeply about, and He knew that we needed to learn to be grateful for those people in our lives who simply refuse to leave.

So, counting friendship as a multi-faceted blessing, I vow to strive my hardest to maintain healthy friendships with those who are nearest and dearest to me. I will not take this blessing for granted, and will revel in every moment that God grants me to be spent with those crazy people I call my friends.

Covered

Jesus. Messiah. Perfect Lamb of God.

Sent to earth as a human, sent so that we as humanity could trust Him and know that He sympathizes with our pains and struggles.

Sent to die to pay the debt that we could never pay on our own.

But, during His conviction, a conviction that occurred despite His innocence...a choice.

A choice that could pardon Him, giving the punishment of death to a criminal who deserved death. A choice that, when put up to the crowd, did not go in His favor. The government official feeling that Jesus was innocent, washed his hands of the matter, telling the people that they were responsible for the death of the innocent Lamb.

"And all the people answered and said, "His blood be on us and on our children."" (Matthew 27:25)

All the people took the responsibility of His blood, covering their consciences with the knowledge of the death they were allowing. Little did they know that they could be covered by the blood a second time, covered by acceptance of Christ as the Son of God, covered so that their sins, once blood red, could become white as snow. I fully believe that, even these people who sealed His execution, could be forgiven by the merciful, graceful, God of Love.

His blood covering was their sin. His blood covered their sin.

His blood covers all of our sin in the current day, too, and provides healing for even the most unthinkable act. All required of us is to accept that covering.

Are you covered?

I Love...

...Sticking my feet out the car window on hot summer days.

...Driving around town with my Dad.

...Cute diners.

...Small town fame.

...A good workout--and actually getting muscles from said workout.

...Historical Sites.

...Stargazing.

...TOMS.

...Musicians who truly understand music and put their knowledge into action.

...Early morning stillness.

...Laughing.

...When people you don't know wave at you anyways.

...Sad things that touch my heart and make me cry.

...Tulips. Daisies, too.

...Taking pictures of nature and standing in awe before God's canvas.

...Finding love in unexpected places.

...Finding that you aren't afraid of that unexpected love and that you actually enjoy it.

...Heart-sisters who are truly family.

...Spending hours with God and watching Him produce fruit through your life.

...Butterflies in your stomach from sheer happiness.

...The smell of Tyler's house and riding around in his truck.

...Buying office supplies, even if they aren't needed.

...Dreaming about going to Ireland someday.

...Archaeology, especially when it points to the reality of a God.

...The song "Glitter in the Air".

...Serving others and seeing the smiles your work creates.

...Sitting beside the ocean and getting lost in thought.

...Using people as pillows on long car rides.

...Sweet tea. Preferably, Gold Peak Sweet Tea.

...Looking back and realizing how far you've come, and how all credit goes to God's grace.

...Ridiculously long runs that leave you sweaty and smelly.

...Long showers with coconut shampoo and aloe vera soap.

...Walking up and down Mass St.

...Babysitting.

...Adopting non-family members as heart-family.

...Driving the '58 during the rain so that the cold air rushes through the cab.

...The smell of new cars; the smell of old cars.

...Alyssa's sarcasm--and encouragement.

...Spending time with lady Prayer Warriors and learning from them.

...The resonance of a beautiful guitar.

...Tamales from Bravos.

...Daydreaming about the "Bend in the Road".

...Going to concerts and dancing horribly.

...Finding random, yet awesome, new music.

...Ice cream. Any kind.

...Being a total dork and not caring what people say.

...People who love me, dorkiness and all--and share in the fun.

...Hugs.

...Smiling as you fall asleep at night.

...Long phone calls and late-night texting.

...Rain. Buckets of rain.

...Forgiveness, mercy, and unconditional love.

...Knowing that every day I am growing in grace and learning to lean on the grace of my Savior.

Lessons I've Learned on My Knees...I Wouldn't Trade for Anything

I know it's a bit of an anomaly, but as a kid, I never really liked summer. Don't get me wrong, it was nice to escape the confines of a classroom for a couple of months. But summer also meant a lot of time completely alone. Let me make this disclaimer: I don't do "alone" very well at all. Alone means boredom (if not occupied). Boredom means too many thoughts in my head. Too many thoughts in my head means sadness and frustration. Alone=not good.

Having finished my first year of college, I decided to stay in Lawrence this summer for various reasons. One such reason was the belief that, staying here, I would not spend a summer alone and would enjoy the season a little more. Within two weeks of summer break, I realized this belief was completely untrue; I was spending more time alone than I ever had before. In my desperation at being by myself, I started going out to Clinton Lake to play guitar in the afternoons. On one of my guitar afternoons, I chose to read my Bible and pray instead of playing guitar. That's when I learned my first lesson of the summer: "Alone time" is a perfect opportunity to be changed into "quiet time with God".

For the past month and a half, I have been desperately seeking more of God and actually embracing my alone-ness. And since He promised "You shall find me when you seek me with all your heart"...I have been daily learning lessons through prayers, quotes, Bible-reading, worship songs, and simple peace that comes to my heart. While I am not sure I can accurately convey all of the lessons He is teaching me, I will try to put some of them here as a memorial, as a testimony, and as a witness to how great our God is.

"Help me maintain an opened mind and heart as I continue to chase after Your heart. Fill me with unquenchable desire to know You more each day. And help me to grow in grace each and every day of this life that is moving at such a rapid pace."~May 15, 2010

"Summer always points to You, and I have never before been so aware of my own depravity. You alone can heal."~May 22, 2010

"I don't understand Your ways, and I hope I never fully do. The Mystery is part of who You are, and I love nights like these where clarity hits, and unquestionable truths begin to line up such as the yearning of my own heart and the great pull from Your heart."~ May 23, 2010

"I'm beginning to realize that in my loneliness, You are there to draw me even closer to Your heart....mold me into the woman You've planned for me to be."~May 26, 2010

"Just because you don't see the ending I have planned doesn't make it any less beautiful."

"I believe You made us require sleep so that times of despair can return to hope after a time of still refreshment!"~June 10, 2010

"I want to leave a legacy that's worth remembering. I can't help but feel like I'm on the brink of something so much greater than myself. Please continue to make my desire to servec about You, and not about my own gain."~June 10, 2010

"You continue to cover me in mercy even in the times where my depravity is most revealed."

"Just growing in grace and learning to lean on the grace of my Savior, who washed my sins clean when He died on the cross to take on my shame. I'm loving Him more as I trust in His name."

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."~2 Timothy 1:7

"All I can ask for now is for Your forgiveness for my failings today, for the fruits of Your Spirit to fill and reshape my depraved life, and for Your grace to cover my future failings."~June 13, 2010

"You are my Portion, my never-ending, overflowing Lord, my Reward"~Shane & Shane

"Praise God that He is big enough to handle all the thoughts in my head...and SO much more!"

"Remind me how much You love me, even at my worst."~June 16, 2010

"I trust in You to provide for everything that I need and calm my heart towards the things that I want but cannot have. You know my heart better than I do, and You know what is best for me even when I can't see around the bend in the road."~June 18, 2010

"Your love is extravagant, Your friendship is intimate. I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace; Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place...You capture my heart again."~Casting Crowns

"There's so much more to life than what I can see from my little peephole."

"God doesn't want you to have a mediocre life. That's why he makes people like us wait for our futures sometimes."

"Life is either a daring adventure...or nothing."

"Help me to trust when I doubt and rejoice when I'm feeling compacent."~June 28, 2010

"Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."~John 15:2

"You ARE love. As your daughter, I must be love as well."

"Prevent me from offering empty hallelujahs to You, my King."~June 29, 2010

"You created me to be involved in the greatest adventure of all--a life in step with my Savior."~June 29, 2010

"The Great High Priest whose name is Love, who ever lives and pardons me."~Shane & Shane

"Everyday you're wearing yourself down/Thinking it's up to you to keep the world spinning round/But child don't fret, and child don't fear/Just give Me your burdens and lend me your ear/How can you ever forget what you mean to Me?/ How I died in your place up on dark Calvary?/How can you ever forget that I rose again?/I'm alive and I'm here so that you may draw near, our hearts tight like lock and key/Cause that's what you mean to Me."

"We take Your blessings...should we not take the sorrows, too?"~Shane & Shane

"Help me to accept the adventurous path You've prepared for me without looking back with longing for the mediocre life I would choose on my own accord."

"Remind me in the waiting that You are working all things out for the good of those who are called by You and are in love with You!"

"I am in love with a God who lavishes me in grace and love, even after a less-than-graceful day when I'm not at my loveliest."

"Tired of settling for a life of so much less than Christ died for me to receive!"

"Define my dreams, direct my paths."

"When I stand before the throne of God, I hope I don't have a drop of talent remaining so that I may say 'I gave everything I had for Your glory.'"

"Maybe sometimes we just gotta let go, let life happen, laugh, dance, and have an absolute faith in brighter days ahead."

"You know the number of my days, so come paint Your pictures on the canvas in my head."~Chris Rice

"Finding who I am in all You are."~Shane & Shane

"Last night, I was thinking about how summer always brings up my loneliness, which brings out the worst parts of me. I guess it makes sense that this is Your doing: letting all my impurities come to light so that You can chip them away and refine me as silver. It's not pleasant, Father, but the lessons You whisper to my heart make the pain worth it."~July 1, 2010

"You see my frustrations and still have so many things to teach me."~July 2, 2010

"God promises rest in heaven with Him for those who do his work. At the end of our lives, we will be judged according to the standards set in the Bible. Though we deserve death and eternal separation, God in His infinite love and mercy, provided a Great High Priest for us through His Son, who intercedes on our behalf in His compassion and mercy!"~Hebrews 4 lessons.

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."~Hebrews 4:16

"We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that, too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the Divine love may rest 'well-pleased'"~C.S. Lewis





Many lessons to come, I am sure. May you continue growing in grace!

Katie

Peace. Love. Happiness. SPOONS!: MDA Summer Camp 2010

MY STORY:

Since June 2008, I have been falling in love with the beautiful people of MDA's annual summer camp. As a result, I began my application process in February so I would have no doubt about attending camp. Yet, despite my eagerness...they just would NOT accept me. I shed a lot of tears from February to June before finally accepting that I just wouldn't get to go to camp in 2010. Then, on June 11th, 8 days before camp, my parents received a letter of my acceptance as a counselor. I was bitter and not wanting to go, but a dear friend gave me a harsh reality talk and, on the morning of June 19th, I headed south from Lawrence to Guthrie, OK. I spent the drive listening to Shane & Shane and praying that God would soften my heart and use me for His glory. When I got to Wichita, though, I got a phone call from MDA chewing me out for not being there on time. I had no idea what this was about, and they hung up before I could question. As I continued driving, my heart filled with a fear of getting to camp and then being sent home. I arrived ready to fight...and was informed that I was a cabin leader.

Uhh...

I was rushed into my duties and informed that I was in charge of Cabin C--the same group of campers I fell in love with at MPH camp last summer! All the stress of getting to camp disappeared as the love for my girls filled my heart. I was in charge of 6 girls, aged 12,13,14,15,16, and 17. Since there was a lack of counselors, I was asked to be counselor for two campers in addition to my cabin leader duties. I chose Emily (because of our bond formed last summer) and her best friend, Savannah. My other campers were Deavonna, Laci, Katelyn, and camp graduate Jamie. The bond that Em, Savannah, Dea, Laci, and I formed last year was even stronger than when we had left each other, and bonds with Jamie and Katy were quickly formed as their beautiful personalities lavished everyone around them with love. Even on my most exhausted days, my wonderful campers would somehow erase my fatigue and fill my heart with unfailing joy! It kept me in awe to see how these once shy little girls have grown into strong, outgoing, and absolutely exquisite young women! The week wasn't easy--I had to deal with dress codes, accident reports, and a counselor from hell--but one glimpse of my six lovely ones made all the stress 100% worth it. I've always heard that every once in a while, if a volunteer sticks around long enough, they find a group of campers that is explicitly theirs, forming a bond of love and sisterhood. I never dreamed I could ever be a part of something so special, yet somehow God saw fit to give me these ladies to love on for a week and pray for and love them still in the year between camps.

The exciting part comes from a night when the MDA staff pulled me aside. I was wary, but they apologized for the stress they had caused and promised me any favor I asked. My answer was immediate: I get to be with these ladies until each one graduates. I am so grateful to be blessed by these girls and am exultant at the thought of all our future inside jokes and experiences in the years to come!

"Your love is extravagant!"



MEMORIES:

Dea was my third child.

Office talks with Savannah.

Letting Laci watch Looney Tunes during the thunderstorm

Always singing with Jamie at lunch

So...I may or may not have stolen a ton of chocolate.

Cussing Thursday never dies!

Playing 'Love Game' and 'Poker Face' at the dance...and Tonia making up explanations for the meanings haha

God-talk with Nikki from MDA

Tonia saw the food...and decided to be a one-night vegetarian

Emily curling up like a rolypoly in her sheets

Mina begging me to start the Austrian song

Grandpa Alistair and his opera bursts!

"All the new counselors look like unhappy Taylor Swifts!" -me to Kyla

Ari and Garrett fought for my friendship, haha

Dea fell in love with a 10 year old :)

I always volunteered to be lifted in training

Turkey pancakes!

Peace, Man!

Dea starting every fake fight with "Katie, your campers are picking on me!"

I was told we were making birdhouses. We planted flowers instead. Hmm.

Sandwiches. Always.

Laci's "dates"

Katy caught her frogs!

Faulty Walkies...ugh!

Me:"KEEP IT G-RATED!"
Girls: "But, Katie....we're all old enough for PG!"

All the girls told me how surprised--and grateful they are--when counselors actually return

NOBODY knew the Black Socks song. Nobody.

Tyler Duffey's quote: "I'm with stupid (aka Caleb)."

Counselor-Jamie was my crying buddy, kept me sane all week!

Activity Leaders dressed in 1970's clothes. All Collin had to do was put on glasses!

Talking with Miss Kristen again

Threatening to throw Emily in the lake, pool, floor, etc....(sorry, Mom...)

"Chauncy! Don't eat the sponges!"

Drive-In Movie bug attack from hell

SPOONS! :D

Dea HATES orange. Emily HATES hamburger meat.

Jamie loves her Panthers!

Helping Dea look groovy with her acid pants

"KATIE OH MY GOSH! Did you know Caleb works in a gas station?!?" -all my lovely girls

Camper Katy, Counselor Katie! Camper Jamie, Counselor Jamie!

I paddled the boat perfectly into harbor! :) But we floated away before gettign pulled in :(

I became an official ipod DJ!

"This sign says *in a bored voice* 'turtle race'. But THIS sign says, 'BOWLING! :D :D :D'"

Everyone thought Savannah was a counselor and Emily's last name was Rogers

Campers caught some MONSTER fish, no joke!

On the final night, I broke rules. I gave goodnight hugs. I'm a rebel.

Casino Night with Chanse from FireLake

Braxton was too short to reach the pedals on our boat ride!

The little boys sang "Baby" :)

CONFUSED, BUT GROOVY!

"You were gone so long, we assumed you were dead. So we came up with creative ways of how you died!"-Emily to me, haha

Dea wrote "My Personality" on a piece of paper. She would then ask people if they liked her personality. If they sad yes, she would hand them the piece of paper, then inform them that even though they liked it, it only worked for her. She also informed us that she got her personality in a box for Christmas, hahaha

"Hiding" in bed every night with my shoes on to avoid not being ready to sleep at curfew

Last year, Emily wouldn't talk. Now, she won't stop! Love it :)

Kyla's failure as a magician's assistant, haha

Dea always sang "Dora the Explorer" songs

FINALLY hearing the troll/gnome/bridge story!

Jammin' Jeff played TobyMac for SAM!

Popsicles at the dance?

Savannah wanted to call home to see what happened on "True Blood" haha

The lunch lady yelled at Garrett for dancing with the ketchup bottle! bahaha

Talking with Thomas and James at the pool

"Man, I got colors that ain't even on the rainbow!"-Savannah and Dea, all week long

Dea kept drawing before and after pics of Emily

Laci wouldn't wake up. I pulled a Mr. Happy and sang the Bedbug Song as loud as I could

Fire Drill....FAIL.

Dea finally told me I've always mispronounced her name....gee...

Laci refused to get on the paddelboat unless we had matching blue life jackets!

Every morning Jamie would wake up, stretch, and say "Good morning Miss Katie! I love you!" Made my mornings :)

Katy and the Molecricket

Emily using my legs as support beams

We actually DIDN'T have eggs every day. Whoa.

Savannah forgot her pillow. For once, I didn't :)

Tonia was my mom :)

'Replay' was our cabin song! :D :D

Jamie Bronson, dancing queen :)

"You trusted my life with Garrett?!? I thought you loved me!"-Emily to me :)

"Repeat after me: I, Deavonna Mitchell, will not stalk little boys that I think are cute!"

Hey, Emily? Are you having as much fun as possible?

SAM!

Foreheads!

Wanting to kidnap my six ladies plus Sam and raise them like Snow White

Nicole, Counselor-Jamie, and the spider in the bathroom story!

Activity leaders spoofed "Fresh Prince"

Twelve Rules of Summer Camp song!

Making everyone beautiful paper flowers

"Katie, I was trying to pray, but the night nurse interrupted me!" -Dea

Forcing the girls to pose for pictures, mwahaha

"My goal in life is to be one of those kids you always see in the background looking like they hate life!"

Accident report forms made me cry my heart out.

Jamie glowing after all the boys wanted to dance with her :)

Having to include a "NO bumper cars in the cabin" rule

"Seriously, life is awesome. I wouldn't change a thing." :')

EVERYTHING was deemed awkward by the ladies...

All my girls got interviewed!

"You have something special with these girls. It's clear they love you and view you not as a cabin leader, but as a sister and friend. They're YOUR girls." :')

Garrett and Texas doing the chicken dance

Dea claimed Collin was our best friend since he was "the only one who ever sat with us".

Savannah saved me the pain of another watch dead in the pool

Emily waited till Wednesday to inform me of a better way to lift her. Thanks, Em :p

Karen from MDA telling us about her love story, haha

"But we kick them to the curb if they don't look like...ALISTAIR!"

"My grandkids don't like the smell of moth balls, but I don't mind it!"

Having to announce the time every ten minutes to the chatty girls on Thursday night

Trying unsuccessfully to steal Laci's Lowe's apron...at the end of the week, I ended up with three aprons!

Admission to the movie: one smile!

Emily and I felt that Savannah and Dea must be clinically insane to not like pickles or bananas!

Giving a warm fuzzy for my suddenly shy girls to Daniel for "having an awesome voice"

Always telling the girls that bad things were "frowned upon"

Collin's job was to explain Random Acts of Kindness to new counselors

I traded my camper for half a bag of sunflower seeds! ;)

Caleb came down to help for the first two days....LOVE that kid!

"Oh my gosh! Katelyn is....Katy?!"

NEVER knowing the OneRepublic song Emily loved

Having to bait poles because new counselors were afraid of worms...Ari, included, in this...

KATY THE DOG! :D

"I'm going to draw a picture of our faces on a rainbow!"

Way too much Justin Beiber...

My song of the week: "Your Love is Extravagant" by Casting Crowns :)

"We hate fish. We hate fishing. We only put it as a goal every year to get counselors off our backs!"

Riding paddleboats all day Tuesday

"I remember when you were just a little thing doing the annual, and now you're a cabin leader and I am SO PROUD!"--Brenda, the nurse that never speaks

Since Happy couldn't be there, he sent a happy face ball for Jamie to have during the Talent Show so that she wouldn't have to sing alone on her last year of camp. She held it and sang to Happy, there in spirit. Everyone who knew about it was bawling the whole time she sang.

Beautiful Ending, Unseen

There are some days in life where we end the day victoriously, finishing all our races and falling asleep to the sound of imagined applause as we complete our work for the day. Other days are ended as we crawl on our hands and knees, face almost dragging the ground as we sneak over the finish line banged and bloody.

Today has, emotionally, been like the latter.

Nothing extraordinarily awful happened. I am just currently being confronted with two stressful situations: one concerning a relationship with a friend and one concerning a relationship with an organization. The details are not important; just both weighing a bit on my mind. In the middle afternoon, I headed out to a quiet spot to read my Bible and pray. Afterwards I was feeling a million times lighter and more confident that everything would work out according to God's plans.

Then a friend from the organization-problem called, and I fell into panic again. I decided the best thing to do would be to grab my ipod and hit the road for a 6+ mile run. I ran all the way out to the lake trail and began to feel really great! Once I hit the lake trail, though, searing pain began to pulse through my gimpy short right leg.

Not only did I have two problems on my mind, but I also was 3+ miles away from home and unable to run.

Awesome.

With nothing else to do, I started thinking about the two problems again. No matter which way I cut it, my main struggle came down to the fact that in both situations, I was unsure of the outcome and had no control over any circumstances that would lead to the outcome. I was frustrated and afraid that, even though I knew that God would take care of everything, the ending of the problems would not be beautiful as I hoped.

Suddenly, it was like God was there, whispering directly to my heart, saying: "Just because you can't see the ending I have planned doesn't make it any less beautiful."

Just like that, all my worries faded. I think that simple sentence basically summed up a lot of lessons I've been trying to learn in life: even when I don't know what is happening, I can trust in the One who is writing the biography of my life and can see the beautiful ending that I am unable to see from my present circumstance. He knows my hurt, He knows the beauty that is to come...and I can trust Him with my life and my everything.

Counting it all joy,
Katie