Laughing With: the explanation to my current bizzare song addiction

I admit it: I have a serious addiction to the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack. The friends were laughing at me as we watched the movie because I kept interjecting at random places with "OH this is my favorite song in the movie!" or "This is the fourth best song from the soundtrack!" My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE song on the soundtrack, though, is sung by Regina Spektor. I had three of her songs on my ipod, and they were all spectacular. She has a really unique voice and beautiful musical ability. Since these three songs were exceptional, I rented her newest CD from the Lawrence Public Library when I got back from break. I popped it in my truck player and listened to it as I drove around. The first five tracks were alright, some majorly weirder than anything I had ever heard before, but it was oddly addicting. Then I hit Track 6, Laughing With. I listened to it all the way through, then listened to it again to make sure I was hearing it right. Even after two listenings, I still didn't know what I had heard, and I was seriously troubled about it. I had heard that Regina Spektor had a religious background, but, despite the gorgeous music, this song seemed to be bashing God and faith! It didn't make sense, and I had to know what it was talking about.

So I went to chat forums. Every single review I found discussed how powerful, beautiful, and touching the song was. I read the lyrics and ended up even more confused. But still, I had to know! Finally, in my searches, I found the true explanation for the song, and it suddenly took on a whole new meaning and became a very important song in my heart this week. I will give the explanation beneath the lyrics:


No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’re starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God
When the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one’s laughing at God
When it’s gotten real late
And their kid’s not back from the party yet
No one laughs at God
When their airplane start to uncontrollably shake
No one’s laughing at God
When they see the one they love, hand in hand with someone else
And they hope that they’re mistaken
No one laughs at God
When the cops knock on their door
And they say we got some bad news, sir
No one’s laughing at God
When there’s a famine or fire or flood

*Chorus*But God can be funny
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke,
Or when the crazies say He hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke
God can be funny, When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious
Ha ha Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got
And they don’t know what for
No one laughs at God on the day they realize
That the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God when they're saying their goodbyes


Okay, before you think I have lost my blessed mind and am turning into a pagan...THE EXPLANATION! I'm sure you could have your own interpretation (and probably will form your own opinion after hearing the song for yourself), but here is what the song addresses, and why it means so much to me:

So many people in today's world laugh off the existence of a God. It's amusing to tell jokes about a omniscient, omnipotent being. After all, if you joke about it, it makes the possibility of such a being less serious. And when you are only living for the world, living for yourself, it's probably best not to worry yourself with such pointless things as the existence of this so called "God". So God becomes a funny joke. You laugh at the "crazies" who rant about God. You laugh at the jokes about such a ridiculous thought as the existence of God. You laughingly refer to God when making your wishlists, hoping He will act the part of jiminy cricket or santa claus and make "all your dreams come true."

But then, inevitably...disaster strikes.

Sickness. War. Natural Disasters. Heartbreak. Death.

Suddenly, the existence of God doesn't seem so funny. And for some reason, the first response you have when faced with something out of your realm of human control is to call on this same God that you shrugged off so many times before. The reason for this is, I believe, because there is a God-shaped void within every human soul (sorry, that sounds so preacher-ish, I know). Humans try to fill that void with their own control and the assurance that if they do good, life will end up okay. But when sorrow comes into life, all the little things that we use to fill up that void are suddenly gone. We have nothing to fall back on, and in response, our basic instinct is to cry out to some spiritual being to save us.

This week has been a good example of heartache in the world. The earthquake in Haiti has destroyed millions of people's home, lives, futures. Closer to reality, people in my hometown have faced death and heartache on a different level. Pain. Confusion. We hang our heads and cry out to God asking for answers.

And, though it's hard to believe, we probably won't get the answers to these questions here on this earth. It hurts to accept this. But that's when we must do the only thing we really have the power to control: cry out to God. Accept His comfort and love. And ask Him for peace in knowing that He is in control, and He has perfect reasons for everything that occurs on this planet.

He's the perfect fit to that void. I promise.

Anyways, that's my take on this song. You should definitely go look it up, listen, and form your own opinion. Please, post your comments on this song, or any other thoughts it provokes from you! I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you have a blessed day!

In Christ

The People Place

"That pain you're feeling, above your stomach? That's your people place. It's hurting because it's growing to allow more people inside. The more people you know and the more people you love, the larger your people place will grow."

"But Mama Ella, what's a people place?"

"It's that place where you hold all the people that mean something to you. Once someone is in your people place, they never leave you, no matter what."

~Abridged summary from Wrapped in Rain by Charles Martin




The above is from my favorite author of all time. Charles Martin is very real and very talented at expressing the state of simply being human. This comment about the "people place" goes through my mind almost daily. What a perfect way to explain the feelings that we experience from loving other human beings!

Last night, I was thinking about "the people place". Yes, it grows as we grow, and more people are added, sometimes without our even realizing how deep the connection we have with the other person. But what about those people that have faded out of our life stories? Do they still occupy the people place?

I think this thought vein came about from a dream I had last night. It was slightly terrifying, I can't explain why. I was in a garden, with lots of green and flowers and light. I was dressed up and didn't really know why. As I looked around, I realized that I was at a funeral. When I got closer to the crowd, I figured out who the funeral was for: a boy that had been my friend years ago. The dream went on with pointless, remedial details, but when I woke up, I was sobbing into my pillow. I haven't even thought of this guy in ages. We used to be really good friends, and had hung out a lot. But life happened, and we have since grown apart. And yet, when I woke up from that dream, I realized how sad and hurting I would be if I knew that he wasn't around anymore. And if I was that heartbroken over the thought of not having a friend around that was just a small blip on the canvas of my people place, how much more would it hurt if I lost those who have helped write whole chapters of my life story, have essentially taught my about people places and what it means to love?

The thought made my people place simply throb.

I guess my summary of this ramble of thoughts I've been chewing on all day is this: If somebody has meant something to you, in any time of your life or any mild circumstance, they become a part of you forever. I bet if you started a chart right now of the most important people in your life, for all your life, you would never be able to finish because the number of people you love and who love you in return is greater than you would ever believe. On the other side of this, try to think of all the people who would give you a spot in their people place. People might not always show how much of an impact you have had on their world.

So, let's treat others with kindness. People places easily feel the pain of human emotion, and you never know who's people place you may occupy.

And let those people in your people place know how much you care as well. Let your people place grow and grow, for that is the way to truly live.

I Believe

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn



I believe that the most amazing experiences in life are those that you aren't expecting.

I believe that there is such a thing as a "kindred spirit".

I believe that if God gives you a "kindred spirit" friend, you have discovered a rare gem that few people ever get to discover.

I believe in photography.

I believe in wearing your heart on your sleeve.

I believe that boredom is a chance for opportunity.

I believe in loud music.

I believe in reading the Bible everyday and getting lost again and again in the overwhelming love God has for humanity.

I believe in crying when you hurt and laughing when life is good; if the two mix, it's a sign of your life being touched by something outside of your power.

I believe in hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.

I believe warm chocolate chip cookies can cure anything.

I believe every person has a purpose.

I believe in little girls driving big trucks.

I believe in running/dancing/going crazy in a thunderstorm.

I believe that parents are superheroes.

I believe in long car rides, seemingly to nowhere.

I believe that no one is ever too far gone to be considered a lost cause.

I believe that every woman deserves a man who will treat her like a princess and cherish her for the treasure she is.

I believe that every man deserves a woman who will respect him as her hero...if he acts like a knight in shining armor should.

I believe in memorizing sunsets and being in awe of The Artist.

I believe in Saturday Morning cartoons.

I believe in making a wish at 11:11.

I believe that beauty does not equal happiness, happiness does not come from multiple relationships, and the person that you miss most and have on your mind almost constantly is who you are supposed to be with.

I believe in wishing on stars.

I believe in curiosity.

I believe in patriotism (and school spirit).

I believe that home-made blankets are even cozier than store-bought blankets.

I believe that spring flowers should be brought inside and stored in coke bottles and bright light.

I believe that God sends you the people you need to get through this crazy thing called life.

I believe that chivalry is not quite dead.

I believe that we choose special people to become our "adopted family".

I believe that band-aids still make boo-boos better, and they really take the cake if they have a cartoon character print.

I believe that children are the most amazing people in the entire world.

I believe in service projects, and giving freely of the gift of self, despite personal discomfort, to change the world of another human being.

I believe "love" is spelled T-I-M-E.

And most importantly....I believe that life is meant to be lived, and life is meant to be enjoyed.

Trust God with your dreams. You have those dreams for a reason.

All of us start out with big dreams, planning out exactly what it is that we want to accomplish and become in the lifespan that God grants us. Often, the dreams we create for ourselves are purely from our own whim and fancy. For example, when I was little, I read a book series called Detective Zack. It was about a little boy with archaeologist parents who traveled the world to find God in history. Naturally, this made me want to be an archaeologist. This dream lasted until I realized that I would have to move to other countries and play in the heat and dirt all day, probably finding nothing more than rocks and sand. With this realization, the dream of discovery faded instantly. There was no substance to this dream, I just wanted to wear the cool tan hat and make clever names for ancient creatures.

After the archaeology dream faded, I flopped between a desire to be a medical researcher (because the name sounded cool!), a nurse (that dream died because of my needle fear), and an art teacher (following my dad's footsteps!) All of these dreams faded pretty quickly, since there was no substance in the planning. But it was okay, because I was in my early teens. I didn't need to know what I was supposed to do with my life! The time for that would come when I became an "older kid".

Enter the summer when I was fifteen. I had accepted Christ in my heart as my Lord and Savior when I was nine years old, but up to that point, He was more of a distant figure who I learned about in church and not someone with whom I had an intimate relationship. During that summer, though, something within my heart began to stir. I remember distinctly being at church camp that year and knowing that something was wrong. I was crying myself to sleep every single night and just kept feeling a conviction to just...move. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was a Christian, but the stirring in my heart gave me doubts as to what my faith was really all about. One night at camp, I remember the speaker spoke about how growing closer to God was sometimes painful. Sometimes He requires that we follow Him no matter the cost to our comfort and reach out and serve where He led us to serve. I didn't hear much after this due to the ache that resided in my soul. For the first time in my walk of faith, I truly spoke with my Savior, trusting that He would hear and care and provide guidance. I began to pray that, if this ache was from God, that He would make it explicitly clear what this ache meant and where He wanted me to go. That night after the uth Bible study, I stayed behind and talked with my uth pastor and his wife. I explained the pang I was feeling in my heart and asked for their wisdom and guidance. We talked for an hour or more about different possibilities as to why I felt the way I did. They gave me several good ideas, but nothing really seemed to fit. After a time, they brought up the possibility of getting involved in the children's ministry at Sunray. Almost instantaneously, I felt peace just flood my body. All the pain became clear, and I could just feel God whispering in my ear "This is it. This is what I have for you." My tears of pain became tears of gratefulness, and I surrendered to working with children.

When I got back to my church, I went to the pastor and told him about my experience. He was really cool and supportive and allowed me to teach the kindergarten Sunday School class along with a woman named Laverne. She and I got along really well, and soon she was my mentor and "Meme". We tag-teamed on the teaching thing, and through her guidance and the interaction with the children, my attitudes and actions began to subtley change. When people first heard that I was surrendering to children's ministry, many scoffed. At this point in life, I was extremely impatient, incompassionate, and stubborn to the core (I may still be these things? I don't think so, but I apologize if I am). Yet as I got more and more experience as a teacher, I felt myself becoming more patient, more sensitive to the emotions and actions of those around me, and more compassionate towards everyone I met (to those people who wished I would become more compassionate? God answers that. You probably know I can be moved to tears by even the smallest actions). God had provided experiences in my life and in my ministry that gave me the gifts that made me more like Him. I was growing in grace and learning to trust Him more with every single day.

After I had been teaching for about a year, my pastor's wife confronted me and requested that I begin playing piano before Sunday School, leading the kids in a praise time. I reluctantly agreed because she's one of those people you just can't say no to. Deep inside, though, I was deathly afraid of playing in front of anybody--even if my audience was all under the age of seven. My pride of desiring perfection in my piano playing gave my new job of children's worship a sense of dread. The terrifying Sunday came...and it was amazing. My performance was mediocre (to say the least), but as I played, my ability became less and less important. I realized that I was doing something for God, and His glory was what mattered--not my own. The piano playing became a weekly thing, and soon I was integrated to play guitar in "big church".

I had gained the spiritual gifts that God had chosen to give me (patience, compassion, etc). These gifts led me to a slew of service projects in my community that allowed me to become the literal hands and feet of Jesus. I was being blessed with the gift of music and the desire to play for the glory of my Savior. Everything in life seemed okay. But my age was increasing, and suddenly I was expected to know what I wanted to do in the future. Everytime I tried to figure the puzzle out, I would end frustrated and confused. I knew without a doubt that I had been given the gift of music, but I also knew that I had developed a compassionate heart that yearned to serve others with my life. I talked and prayed with my mentor, Meme, for quite some time, and narrowed my options to either being a kindergarten teacher (for real) or marrying a fellow musician or preacher (that's a different story ;) and owning a home music studio. While both these options sounded okay, I was not overly enthusiastic about either.

Enter Mrs. Jennifer Conklin. Mrs. C is my other "mentor God-wise friend and teacher" (that's another story too). One day during my junior year, I was hit like a slap to the face with the reality that I had only one year left to figure out what God was calling me to do. I knew that if I kept asking, He would guide me, but sometimes it seemed impossible to hear His guidance when I was walking blindly. I got fed up with the unknown and had another "cry-yourself-to-sleep" nights, just as I had had at the age of fifteen. This time, though, I knew to put it all before my Father and trust Him to provide. I prayed specifically: "God, I know that You have a crazy plan out of this road map You've made me. My passions are serving and music, and a bit of writing. Whatever it is you want me to do, no matter how crazy, just SHOW ME!" The next day in band I was just sitting there thinking when Mrs. C called me into the office. She sat me down and her next words are permanently etched in my mind. "Katie, I have this weird feeling that I'm supposed to tell you about music therapy. It's a job where you use music and writing to help people."

That feeling of absolute peace flooded my veins once more.

This is what God had in store for me. This is what He wants from my life.

And still there were difficulties. My best option for obtaining a therapy degree was by going out of state (to KANSAS, of all places...). That same day of discovery, I went to the computer lab, looked up KU, and cried like my heart was breaking. I didn't want to move away! Yet as I cried it out in the library, the idea grew and the peace in my soul strengthened. After much exploration, the tears I cried became tears of joy. God had a plan for me. And it was so much bigger than any of my plans could have been. As I started enrolling for Kansas, the out-of-state tuition issue came up. I really believe it was a temptation to give up and go my own way, and heaven knows I came about one centimeter away from shutting the door on Kansas and God's guidance all together. But, surprisingly, financial aide came in, and God provided the way, just as He had given me the compassion, patience, musicality, and people-experience I will need to become a music therapist. And now, here I am, one semester of college completed. I plan on working in pediatrics when I graduate with my MT-BC, four years from this week. Through those years, you can bet I will be attentive to what God has in store for me. His plans are always an adventure.

Did you know another big dream of mine is to hit the road with an amp, my guitar, and my binder of music, doing worship gigs and playing for tip money? We will see if that dream is from God. I know He will provide if I am supposed to be a music star for Christ.

After all my experiences, I wouldn't be surprised if my road map does lead to something crazy like that.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~Psalm 37:4


In Christ,
katie

Random. Thoughts. IV: Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven (shoobie, doobie)

Beginning disclaimer: Yes, I am working on a paper while I write this Random. Thoughts. blog. For some reason, I write better papers when I am multi-tasking.

First snow, today! Epic-ness! Really cold, but okay! I felt like Dorothy after she gets out of the poppy field, I was covered in SO MUCH SNOW!!

Haha, wizard of oz refrence. Didn't even realize it. I blame it on Matt and Tyler giving me a trillion relations to my living in Kansas and the wizard of oz this past weekend.

Past weekend. Matt and Tyler drove up to see me, and we had the best time ever! When I first moved away, I often said that the Oklahoma friends helped me remember how to breathe. Now that I've been here awhile, I've learned to breathe on my own. But it's still nice to have a breath of fresh air in the form of my "pseudo-brothers". Feeling very blessed that God saw fit to give me two heart-brothers :)

This point leads me to my constant discovery that God's ways are, in fact, bigger and better than my own! I don't know why this is so surprising to me when I so often discover this. Never in a million years did I think I would ever leave Purcell, much less Oklahoma. I planned on spending my whole life with Mattyler and Alyssa, going to Sunray till I died and only moving out when I got married to a guy who would live in Purcell. Absolutely none of my life plans happened. And life is better than I could have ever imagined or hoped for. Jeremiah 20:9!

Owl City has infiltrated America. It is impossible to go anywhere without either hearing Fireflies or a reference to Owl City. I'm listening to the CD on playlist, and not understanding the fascination.

Best quote ever:
Lady at the movie theater: "Do you have a student ID for a discounted price?"
Tyler: "No. But I promise you I do go to college, if that helps you any.
Lady at the movie theater: "well..."
Tyler: "But it's a college in Oklahoma. We have IDs though! My ID is just in Oklahoma. Where I go to college."
Lady at the movie theater: "I'm just going to give you the discount, okay?"

Alyssa Laura King makes me laugh every single day through ridiculous texts. This is why I am driving to Stilly this weekend to see her! :D

Trust God with your dreams. You have those dreams for a reason.

Want to wake somebody up? Put the song Rawkfist by Thousand Foot Krutch at top volume. Not that I would ever do this... hehe

I am in love with my future husband. I don't know who he is, but I love him already :)

Is anyone else COMPLETELY STOKED that Disney is making a new princess movie?!?!? :D

For two weeks I have been craving oreos. This is no thanks to Andy.

I'm beginning to think "cute" is overrated. I get told that my truck is cute, my happiness is cute, my random quotes are cute, my thoughts are cute, etc. Cute makes me think of little girls in frilly pink dresses singing songs and playing with their dolls or something. Not of an 18 year old girl living on her own in a dorm in Lawrence, Kansas.

Jon Foreman has a beautiful musical soul.

Mother Machree just came on my ipod. Go Irish music!

Been having the most bizarre recurring dreams. They almost always involve MDA/MPH camp, or the A-Team days with Capn Andy and Morgan. Told you it was weird.

I've got to go help my therapy friends with this paper. As always...more random thoughts to come.

God bless
Katie

Win My Heart

I am one of those girls who will not date until God brings my future husband to me.

If you aren't my future husband, don't pressure me into dating you. It will only destroy our friendship and put a sour taste in the beautiful love story God has prepared for each of us separately. Protect my heart.

In order for me to consider dating you, you must fit my standards. If you beg me to tell you my standards, you probably won't fit them, because then you will be trying to measure up instead of letting your true self shine through.

If you think you are falling for me, stop. In any relationship, you should first go to God and find His heart before seeking the heart of a fellow human. Human emotion changes with the rising sun; He won't steer you wrong.

If you have prayerfully gone before God and believe that it is in His plan for you to pursue my heart, go to my parents or other spiritual leaders in my life and ask their permission. I know, old fashioned. But they are much wiser than I am, and they would know what is best for me.

Don't expect me to initiate anything here. Old fashioned again, but I believe that the guy should take the initiative in relationships. I deserve a guy who is willing to swallow pride and step forward, even in the possibility of failure.

Not all girls are shallow. I would rather have Cyrano than Edward Cullen. Outward beauty fades. True beauty resides in the soul.

You have to win my heart. It may be hard, but I promise I am worth it. I am only a meager human, as I'm sure you are too. I will hurt you, disappoint you, and not always be the most graceful person in the world. But I'm sure the same could be said of you at times. Forgiveness and compromise are necessities. Every girl deserves a knight in shining armor, not a loser in tin foil. My heart is a treasure, and you have to realize this in order to truly love me.

Some might think I'm crazy to wait for God to bring my husband to me. After all, why should God be concerned with such a simple matter as the heart of a human? Fact is, He is my creator and King. He knows my heart better than I do. I want to guard my heart, for it is the wellspring of my life (Proverbs 4:23) and lean wholly on Jesus to guide me in His perfect ways.

No matter what may occur, God will be the number one in my life. Whoever I may marry, they will be second in my heart. No one can take the place that is required from God in my life.

And if it is better for me to stay single, I will pursue a life of purposeful singleness and trust God as I fall more in love with Him every single day.

Tell Me the Story Again: God is With Us!

We all know the story. Have been told it a thousand times over until it is drilled into our very core existence and we could recite it in our sleep: God sent Jesus into the world. During His time on earth, He healed those around Him and then died so we could make it into heaven. Then He rose again and lives in heaven where we can go someday if we put our faith and trust in Him.

Admit it. This is the summarized story you know inside and out. Often, when retelling the story, it sounds just as exciting as the above example. But as Christians, shouldn't we be excited to the point of absolute rejoicing at the story of our all-powerful God? Why do we so frequently find ourselves in a pitfall of indifference?

Lately, I have personally been in an indifferent trap. During church, my soul cries out for more God, but after the service is over, I go back into my routine of homework, facebook, doing everything in the universe except giving God the time He needs to speak to my heart without the chaos of the world getting in the way. I do alright by myself for a while, but gradually I realize that my life will be unraveling over the most insignificant things. I put self before my Savior, and those truths I have known to be black and white begin to fade into a haze of grey. I can't save myself from my apathy, this much I know is true. My only relief comes from turning back to my Father and just resting at His throne, allowing Him to speak to my heart according to His ways.

He always refreshes my soul and provides exactly what I need.

About a half hour ago, I read through the gospel of Mark. Honestly, read through this book a couple dozen times in my lifetime. Never thought it was anything significant. God chose to show otherwise. Really, the book is just an extension of the typical Christian summary we've memorized. But I challenge you to go read it, or any of the gospels, and truly meditate on the steps of Jesus's life.

God used an average, everyday girl to bear the Savior of the world. He was God, but He was also just a normal boy. This boy became a man. He showed the world His love through His actions. He WAS God, yet He spent His life in servitude to the least of the people, showing compassion for their needs and their hurts. He could have been flashy, showy, "Look at me, I created you!" towards the multitude. Instead, He lived a life of humility and taught through His wisdom and actions, all reflecting God's character. Even the smallest of children were encouraged to come sit on the lap of the man who had created them, given life to them and everything else on the planet, and just be loved by such a person.

Did those children remember that moment, being held in the arms of the Creator, for the rest of their life? Did those who had been healed of their diseases ever think back upon that ordinary man, obviously not so ordniary? Or did the actions of Jesus just become commonplace, good stories to tell to friends, but that was it? One man touched so many. Yet during one certain Passover, witnesses came forward in an attempt to end His life. The Master of the seas stood within their very reach, and they took His life away as though it was nothing.

Today, we tend to view the story of Jesus as "nothing". Maybe not literally, but it is one of those stories we know, remember for church services, then abandon until it is next needed. We go through weeks of self-living, seemingly forgetting that our lives were bought with a price and that, as Christians, we should live lives that would be pleasing to God.

God is very real, God is here, God is with us. When He walked on this earth among men, they lost sight of the fact that a personal, loving God was in their midst.

Let's learn a lesson from them and not forget that He is still God of the present tense.